My DH and I have only been trying for a short while but I am already becoming frustrated!! But I know I shouldn't hold much hope to soon, as my DH and I both have health issues that may impeed our chances.
My mother though who have more loops than fruit loops knows and is excited and just can't wait to tell every one that we are "trying to have a little one". I just wish sometimes that she would think before she spoke as we have both told her that it may never happen..
Ok my darling factors going against me are:
1.An autoimmune arthirtis called seronegative arthropathy
2. When I was sixteen i was diganosised with PCOS which at the time didn't bother me that I got my periods every three months as they always managed to embarass the heck out of me no matter how hard I tried for them not too.
3. Because of the above mentioned I have taken BCP up until recently.
My Dh husband isin't int he clear either.
1. DH was born blind and now has some sight due to five operations when he was a few weeks old. And to keep his sight he has had to use a good seires of various steriod eye dropsover the past 25 yers. And because most people who use these type of drops are over forty no-one really knows the long term effects on fertility.
So I am feeling a little hopeless but at the moment DH sees trying for a baby fun and I hope it stays that way. As i need the good times to get through the bad week when AF comes.
I will descibe my bad week in the hope that i find that I am normal for this point of time in my life.. My bad week usually starts with the worst back pain which i spend the first half of the day hoping it just my arha giving me heaps then to the constant dull ache which gives it away and then by the evening i become irritated and cranky (at this point DH likes to duck for cover) then she shows and I become a sulky mess for a day or two until I get over the fact that I didn't concieve. Than i enjoy my week of moody cat becuase it make my work a little more interesting.
But either way the test yesterday came back negative despite beging over due for a decent AF (had strange spotting with no bleeding last week). Have been super tired the last three days and have had a great deal of nausea today and I can't stand the sight of food again.............. .....................but will let you know as I see the GP next week....
Well today I had a talk with my mum about falling pregnant so hopefully now she will keep the information to her self. My DH was home with me today and we came very close to being sprung in the act of love by my mum. Yet we still are sure we never heard her come over, or even come inside (the back of our house was open), she even went to my work to see if I was there and that every thing was fine. Still feeling strange but I did a test first thing this mornign and still negative.
I get to choose my wedding photos's in the morning so that should be fun, even with my lovely mother-in-law coming with us. I am slowly hinting that Her DS and I are trying to concieve. I let it slip yesterday that I was no longer on the pill and my skin is letting me know it! I have never had this many pimples before not even when I was thirteen.
I am hating work for two reasons at the moment:
1. I hate christmas shopping, so it is a really bad time to work in retail.
2. There seems to be more new borns and pregnant women then usuall.
Not that I have anything against them it just gets to be a little much when every month she visits and there is no baby for you that time round. Still trying to work out what was happening around March and April this year??/???LOL
Today will be a good day .......What who am trying to kid it is the saturday before Christmas and I have to work. The idea of work dosen't bother me too much on a week day or sunday(when I haven't got more improtant things to do with DH) but a saturday would have to be the worst even when it is not christmas but today will be hell!! At least I am not on my own in quest to find silly theives who think they can get away with it
DH and I had a chat last night about ttc, he is worried that I am stressing about things a little too much and it wouldn't be such bad thing to be more settled. Thats fine but it didn't change how I felt. Maybe I am becomeing a little obbessive but I am trying to keep it under control.....I haven't started buying baby clothes or rearranging the house for a baby's room and pricing baby furniture. I am not going to do any of those things until I am at least 3 months pregnant. I just want to be pregnant first. My sister fell pregnant by accident thanks to antibio's &the pill. So I guess my theory is What is wrong with me????
Still been unwell in the afternoons and evenings... DH had to give me is yellow bucket Thursday night when we went to bed,just incase, becuase I felt that iickky and I was seriously worried at work yesterday afternoon that I was going to make a nice mess some where as the bin near by was very full....The smell of BO on people who don't wash or use deodornats does not help especially when it is so hot here.
Must get ready for work... think happy thoughts .... think happy thoughts...Christmas is good......Christmas is good
Well it is four moe sleeps to santa, Who ever invented to the jolly man in the red suit....well i think you know the rest. Work is insane and I have to work tonight with superiviors that think being a ***** is a full time sport and super ***** is there job.. Yep it is going to be fun.
DH and I had one of those weekends where alone time was not going to happen as we had one of those house guests that just don't know when to leave. I even told him tha he would have to leave early tomorrow as we have a Dr's appointment and I wold prefer if he did not join us.. he sulked making me feel like a royal *****. But what am I meant to do.. When I got up it was apparrent that he was not going home and ended up coming with us. Funny enough though his worked called while we were waiting for my always behind Dr and wanted him in as soon as he could... so now he had to wait until Dh & I were ready... I like Karma.
Now the Dr's were interesting when he finally arrived for the day and I finally got in he says that the strange spotting could have been an early MC. But I still don't want to believe it is true.. Even though the pergo test was BFN
DH I were really peved that our house guest was still with us as I had had to go straight to work afterwards and found it very hard to be happy and jolly to the customers. But my partner in crime at work seemed to check as meny as the prams as she could... As she and her daughter(one of my supervisors) know what is going on and are being supportive of it, insted of the negative your young enjoy each other for a while comments that i have gotton from others. I stil wish that DH and I could have been able to talk about it as we were a little upset especially since my Dr' didn't want to send me for any tests to see if there is a cyst there or even if i am ovulating at all.. Might see if i can get into see my gyno in the new year, see if he has more apathy for me.
DH despite our little upset BD last night only to have broken our bed at the crutial moment. It is still very funny. So we moved our very thick heavy mattress and our fan into the lounge room. I guess our bed is not newly wed proff then. I think I will ring the store where brought it to see if there is a policy on things like this becuase the bed is only twelve months old and the part that broke was already assmbled when we got it. So I am sort of not happy but how do you explain what cuased it to break???? I just hope the person on the end of the phone has a sense of humor.....
with that funny for the day I best be off
Ok I think tonight I will fill you in on the background of DH and I.
DH and I have been married since April 2004. We met just over 3 years ago in Yahoo chat! DH has really great parents except for when it comes to us being parents. They say they are not ready to be grandparents, What do they need to be ready for? I ask. But they are not alone in parents not supporting us. My farther and his wife asked us straight out when we got engaged have we thought about what would happen if we have children and they are blind? that was 2 1/2 years ago and I don't think I will ever forget the rudeness that they showed to DH and I in our own home. We didn't talk to them for about 6 months when we got into full swing of planning our wedding because they were not happy with my right to choose who walked me down the aisle and give me away. (in the end we walking down our respective ailse in the double ailse church together and met up at the alter. It was very different and romantic) they can be so petty. We have not told them or even hinted that we are ttc. I feel I should give them the same respect about family planning issues that they have given me. The mushroom syndrome. Although I feel sometimes that I need to my step mother about ttc, becuase she has been through it all. But my pride will get in the way of that. As I felt very outed as a teenager when the rest of the family was aware of there plans and failed attempts to have a family, until the day my farther came to tell me that his wife was pregnant and she looked to be able to sustain the pregnacy. Dispite my sister and brother had known for years.
any way that is sour grapes and that is not where I want to be headed tonight.
DH and I are loving ttc as it keeps the romance and love in the air, making love every other day really is great excerise too.
the other news tonight is our bed is stil broke so we are still sleeping on our mattress on the floor. What a shame with our bed broke our house guest can't come back to stay. oooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh. But the good in that is our bed is still under warnety, but know one has heard of this ever happening to this bed before, my theary is that people have fixed the problem themself due to either lack of knowledge of the warnety on the bed or just plain shear embarassemant. either way they have to fix the problem.
will keep you posted..
Good night all
2 sleeps to santa
Well it has been a very interesting few days since my last post. I managed to catch a thief or two before christmas, I got throguh the bedlam of christmas eve at work without being two much of a bar-hum-bug. Got the new foot end for our bed, but only after I rang the store to see what was being done about fixing the problem. Picked up our wedding photo's which were very very good. Travelled down to mt Tamborine to spend time with DH's family for Christmas. I have to coment on our room though at Mt Tamborine, It was just devine. DH's Aunty has a very old but very beautiful Chalet style home that came with most of it's bedroom furniture as it was too heavey and to difficult to move. Our room was a pink rose theme and had a wallpapered ceiling coverd in the tinest pink rosebuds. It is the most romantic room in the house. If only DH's Ill grandmother wasn't in the room next to us. Nan unfortunatly was diagnosed just after our wedding with ovarian cancer, and didn't respond as well as they hoped to treatment. So it was to be a special christmas this year. Christmas day was good every one seemed to have fun.
But boxing day I woke to AF and because DH family don't know what is going on it was very hard to say anything. We travelled home had a few niggle arguments with DH who seems to suffer PMS with me. And then went my mums. where by this time I was tiered and grumpy PMS really kicked in. So I went and laided down on my mums bed for a little while.
But I was still in the mood to be a *****. Had a niggle with my sister who wanted to drive my car after she had a couple of drinks and I refused to let her. She picked me on a bad day. the rest of the evening went well until my 6 nearly 7 yearold neice wanted to play kids songs full ball on the CD player and as I was leaving my step farther chucked a tanty at about which left me in tears. But than the strangest of strangest things happened. Mum followed us out to the car she kept telling me not to let him get to me. And then she spat out the news that upuntil two days before christmas that she too thought she was pregnant as well so we had a big cry together she even didn't her christmas shopping for her mother inlaw as she was going tell them that they were to be grandparents again and It would be from there youngest son this time. But as the case served it wasn't to be. We had other *****es as well until my sister came outside. but I am still upset we didn't conceive but as I said to DH there is always next month
Well with a great idea yesterday we are having the family for a BBQ today. My mother and Stepfarther and DH parents and sister are coming so this should be fun. There is still a lot of house work to be done and DH is allready tryingt o fix the fence he broke on Christmas eve. As work here needs to be done before ten o'clock otherwise it is too hot to anything. I have convinced my mum to make her potatoe salad, as noone makes potatoe salad like her.
I am absolutely sertain now that DH suffers PMS with me. He is even addmitting it. We seem to sparr off each other this week and it is silghtly amusing.
Well al my visitors have left. My poor DH had a bad morning when he went to start the mower this morning it would not start so we call my stepfarther to come over early to help get it going and it still would not start so he chacked a tanty and went home got his mower and whipasnipper and mower and trim our whole yard. Sometimes he has his good days and other are just impossible. but today was good. I think though he had a chance to let off steam as my older sister is living with them with her duaghter. they have a nice simple three bedroom home and she has treated it like a revolving door since she left at age 17. Each time bring more and more baggage with her.
Can't wait for AF to leave me alone, I hate haveing heavy af's but really unuaslly I have had very little pain until I eat something. Than all hell breaks loose on the inside. talk about bad reflux. I thought I was going to pass out after dinner last night. I could bearly walk, not a good look in pouring rain and in the middle of Brisbane city.
And the boys wanted t walk at the speed of light and i could bearly keep up with a ninty year old.
oh I hope it will all be over soon. Have to be better for New Years eve as DH has a really big gig at some fancy mansion on the brisbane river. Still trying to work out what would be best for me to wear as I will be required to help set up and still look good, My new black dress is long enough but has a very reavling cleavage. my other black dress is to short. what to do??
Oh well I will work it out later
Had a really big D&M with DH last night after I finished my entry. We discussed the event of what would be our course of action if we did not concieve withing the next few months and how far we would be prepared to go with medical intervention. As DH as this thing about pain and being poked and proded he wants to have as little poking and proding done to him as possible.... Hello..... what is he complaining about? It will be me who gets poked and proded and looked at in areas that never see the light of day. Not that it worries me to much as last year I had early stages of cervical cancer burnt off. So I can deal with the legs up in stryups and people having a look. But we do both agree that we could not go to the IVF level of things. By that stage we will just have to settle on having a cat or dog or both. But I will always love my Dh, as he cares for me like knowone else.
Well as I said there is always another month and this just could be that month. DH and will just have enjoy bding and who knows this could be our month.
I start my gym classes tomorrow so hopefully that will help shead my excess kilos.
Ok ther is not much happenign on the ttc font althogh we are bding. Ok girls I think Ijust felt my first O pain. dull ache on the right side... Oh boy I hope it not wind pain. Oh well I will just have to sneak in a love session before DH goes to his band gig tonight.
Going to the Gym wasn't to scarey yesterday. and I am not even feeling sore today. But my trainer is very good and only started me off very slow. But I still did a good 20 minutes of cardo stuff (bike and tredmile). which is still better than 20 minutes sitting around doing nothing.
But I guess if I want a baby I am going to have to be fit and be getting fit now rather than oh my god after the baby and have to juggle in someone to look after bub while I go to the gym.
But I will stick at it and I might try and do a couple more days a week.
See if I can meet my goal in 6 months rather than 12 (my goal is to loose 15 kg, sorry I don't know what it is in pounds) My aim is not be tini whiny bikni or anythin just to be healthier. I f can loose the weight it will help with concieving and caring fo a baby.