Thread: Wishing & Thinking & Hoping & Praying....TTC #1

*sigh*

I'm spotting, so this month is out. I will temp tomorrow just in case, but I no longer have any hope. I don't know what I'm going to do, I'm considering taking a break. Right now I just feel like wallowing.

AF is definitely here, right on time. I'm very frustrated.

I'm going to continue to chart, so if we eventually need to go to an RE, I will have a long record of my cycles. In fact I upgraded FF so I will be able to chart lots of other symptoms, etc.

I am also considering acupuncture since my insurance covers it. Less stress would be great even if it does nothing for fertility. Tony isn't sure if he wants to go get an SA. I'm not going to push him, I will let him decide.

Not much to tell, which is why I haven't written in awhile. Tony and I have been so sick with a cold. We spent the whole weekend on the couch and pumped full of cold medicine. SUCKS!

I'm trying to be pretty relaxed this cycle. I should ovulate on Thursday or Friday, so hopefully I can maintain the laidback attitude through the 2WW. Still going to use Mucinex and the rest of the preseed from last month. We are having guests come in on Sunday, so I hope I have ovulated by then!

I know, I'm a slack, slack, slacker on my journal! But the truth is, not a whole lot has been happening!

I think I O'd Saturday or Sunday. Had O pains on Saturday, so we'll see what FF thinks. Tony and I had a great heart to heart talk on Friday (and Saturday, it was a long talk!) and it felt good to know how much he supports me and how much he wants a baby, too.

I'm gearing myself up for another two week wait. I'm going to try and stay chill about it this month, not too hopeful, but not too negative either!

YAY! I got crosshairs today! FF rates our timing as good and says a due date would be the end of November, which is Tony's birthday. I am trying not to get my hopes up, but I've decided to just let the emotions happen. I can test next Thursday if AF doesn't show up by then.

I took a mental health day off from work today. I've been under a lot of stress there lately and just needed to regroup. I wasn't very productive, but I feel a million times better.

No symptoms as of yet, just counting down the days to testing!

Seven days past O. My breasts hurt like hell and I'm really crampy today. But I'm not supposed to look into symptoms.

I'm feeling nice and positive. Just 5 days to go and I'll know either way. Tony is so patient. Today at lunch he kept belaboring the point that it will happen when it's supposed to happen. Of course he doesn't constantly think of his drying up eggs and ticking time bomb of a clock! I should learn from him and take a relaxed attitude, but damnit, I want to be pregnant NOW!

10 DPO and a huge temp drop today. I wonder if I'm not 11 DPO. I have cramps and feel like AF is going to come any minute. I'm discouraged yet again. I'm not sure about this upcoming month. I don't want to be 9 months pregnant in the middle of winter, as the snow and ice here are awful. Maybe a break is what we need, and try again after my birthday which is at the end of next month.

Well, my temp went back up above the coverline today, but not enough for me to be convinced there is still hope this cycle. I'm considering putting temping on hold. I know I'm ovulating, I know what day I usually do, and I know how long my LP is. I think the temping is stressing me out more than just getting AF already.

I haven't decided where to go from here. I feel very discouraged. I think I am avoiding the doctor because I just don't want to truly accept we may need intervention to have a baby.

I've been trying to plan some things to make me feel better once AF arrives, but nothing sounds as good as a BFP.

I'm back after a much needed break. I do feel I am in a better mindset. There has been so many BFPs on the boards I'm usually on that I just couldn't take it anymore. I am currently on cycle day 10 and should ovulate in the next couple of days. If I don't get pregnant this cycle, I will try and positively move on to the next cycle. Tony and I have booked a room in a lodge on the other side of Lake Tahoe for my ovulating days in April. Well, really to celebrate my birthday, but it just happened to coincide with my ovulation days. We have a lake front room with a king size bed, private balcony, and fireplace. It should be relaxing and romantic.