You want me to check WHAT?!?!

32 posts / 0 new
Last post
Joined: 01/07/07
Posts: 83
You want me to check WHAT?!?!

Ok, greetings! I'm starting my first ttc journal.

(Hopefully this doesn't go on forever, and I can start a baby-baking journal)

Anyways, Hi.

Ok, I can see I'm doing it already, so let's start this with a disclaimer.

*************************************************************
Warning! This is my journal. I tend to type exactly what I think when I think it, with little editing or revising. This way, you will get to see really who I am and what I am like. However, that being said, prepare yourself for the following:

1)ADD: Although I've never been officially titled with ADD, I have the bad habit of being in the middle of a sent---oh look shiny shiny!---where was I?

Exactly.

2)Profanity: I will, however, try to sensor this as I enjoy being a member of PG.org and don't want it revoked. However, there will probably little left to the imagination and substitute words are likely to be used.

3)TMI: There is little I don't share with people. Your final warning.

4)Random topics: I live a very random life

5)Spelling errors: I type at a very high rate of speed (something like 80wpm) and occasionally there are errors....and sometimes, I just don't know how to spell a word. I also have a penchant for using "....." to change subjects. If you don't like it. Stop reading!

6)Humor: Life is a big joke and if you don't get it, you're going to be very sad. You may want to go to the bathroom before you start reading.

7)Personal life: Hey, you might have found me and realized that you know me. That's cool. However, don't freak out if I talk about you, because you are part of my life. If you didn't want to know, why'd you google me and go looking for stuff about me?

Ok, warning over.
************************************************************
About me:

I am a girl. I married a boy. I went to college and then after 5 years and 4 majors, I left to persue a career and earn money to finish my degrees. I realize that kids can hinder this, and I realize that a college education is important. I've heard all of this before from my mother, my grandmother, my brother, my father, and my employer.

Currently, I'm a full-time nanny and I'm an assistant camp director.

The boy. He went to school for computer technology. Then he decided he wanted to be a chef. What a jump, right? So he's working full time for the catering company that runs the dining hall at his old college. We talked about it and realized that we weren't going to spend tons of money to send him to culinary school when he's not sure that's what he wants to do. So he's working for a while doing culinary arts and catering and if he really flourishes doing it, he's going to persue a degree in it.

We were married last October. We decided in January that if we are meant to have kids, we will have them and I went off the pill in January. We're not actively trying (such as saying "Oh! we need to bd every other day--even if we don't feel like it right now") but are more in the mindset of "let's go about our lives and see what happens".

This, however, doesn't mean that I'm not going to temp. I want to know what's going on with my body. This way, if we get to the point of actively ttc, I know what my body does normally and what to expect from my uterus.

So, that's the intro. Right now I'm on day 40 of a very long cycle. I thought I had ovulated and turns out, according to fertility friend, I didn't. But lo and behold, apparently I just did (something like 5 or 6 days ago?) so we'll see how that works out, eh?

Whats with the title, you ask? I said that outloud when I first read Taking Charge of Your Fertility as I read about cervical mucus.

Quite often you'll find me on the TTC for the first time board, but I've been known to pop up here and there across the board.

Meanwhile, I think that's enough for today. I'll just leave you with this.

"Whether you think you can or you think you can't, You're right"
(Stewie on Family Guy)

Peace out Girl Scout!
*Mandie*

Joined: 01/07/07
Posts: 83
Centerpiece Baby!

Ok.

So. Here I sit, hand on my uterus (nope--no signs of life---) thinking about how we are going to put our baby in the dining room.

I am going to be the mom and Matt is going to be the dad of a dining room baby.

I wonder what style of silverwear goes with diapers?

Ok, before you think too poorly of me, let me explain Biggrin

Matt and I have no doors. No, I'm talking about philosophical doors, I'm not talking about metaphorical doors. I'm talking about physical doors that shut and lock. We have a total of 4 doors in our apartment. The back screen door, the back solid door, the front solid door and the bathroom door. 4 doors in an apartment. What a life, huh? We have a really pretty curtain door between the living room and the bedroom, but since its just the two of us and we've yet to have an overnight visitor, it never goes shut. We live in the first floor of a old-style 2 story house, so our bedroom is what used to be the front parlor room (thankfully, it's HUGE), the living room is what used to be the family room, the dining room is the same and the kitchen is the same. The bathroom is what used to be 2 little rooms, the bathroom and the utility room.

So, being newlyweds, we move into this terrific (no sarcasm here) apartment that's a great deal and very convient (close to work, LOVE the upstairs neighbor **one of my best friends**) and we can find/have furniture for the bedroom (CHECK CHECK! Wink ) the living room, the kitchen (what little we needed for that that wasn't already here), but the dining room? Boxes, a microwave and a filing cabinet.

So it may be the dining room, but there's nothing but boxes and such.

We've talked about it and we have no desire to move. The rent is reasonable (I mean, all utilities **even high speed internet!** is included) and we're settled in. Why move? So we thought about where we'd stick a baby and the most resonable place is the dining room.

So yes, my baby is going to live in the dining room.

FAN-TASTIC Smile

As if our kids needed any other reasons to be strange, growing up in the dining room will seal the deal Dirol

Well, it beats the bathroom, right? Wink

Joined: 01/07/07
Posts: 83
I'm so LIVID

Today...well, it's been...

well.

Frankly I'm :blowup:

I was told today that I don't care about the kids.

WHAT THE HELL

I spend more time with her kids than I do my own husband, my alone time, my family.....

6:30am-5:30pm = 11 hours a day
11 hours a day X 5 days a week = 55 hours

I spend 55 hours a week with her children.

I have given up conferences, I have given up holidays, I have given up other jobs, jobs that pay me more $$$, jobs that have actual BENEFITS, that aren't solo-employment (meaning days off), that aren't 11 hours a day.....I fold her laundry and do her damn dishes. I clean her house.

I put up with her constant bragging about how smart her kids are and how unfair she's been treated at work.

I don't care about her kids?!?!?!?

I make doctors appointments, I take them to dr. appointments, I drive them to all of their school days, their appointments....

I took the girl to the doctors this morning because she was sick. The doctor asked me
"Has XX had a fever?"
Me: "Um, No?"
Him: "Has she been coughing?"
M: "Not since I was here at 6:30"
H: "Is she allergic to anything?"
M: "I don't think so?"

Mom decided to "Take advantage of FEMLA" and take the afternoon off since XX was sick.

She has strep, highly contagious, right? You're reading the words of someone that catches strep whenever someone even looks at me crosseyed and when I catch it, I'm in the ER at 3am, dehydrated, crying, unable to breathe with a 103 degree fever because my tonsils are SHIT and I catch it bad.

She gave me guilt when I said "I'm not comfortable being with herwhile she's still this contagious, I catch strep very easily and it gets really bad"

I'm sorry, you're her mother. YOU wanted to have her, YOU take care of her.

I mean, for askldflaksty sake! If I get sick, it's $20-75 copay (depending on where I have to go) with at least $20 in prescriptions, plus lab costs.

Not to mention the time off without pay (because I don't get paid for my sick days). I can't afford to get sick, if the mom HAD to work and i HAD to be there with the kids, that'd be one thing. But when she told me that she wanted me to STAY with her and XX, even though she took time off of work already????

Livid.

:sighs:

I might post more uplifting topics later, but I'm really irked right now.

:blowup:

Joined: 01/07/07
Posts: 83

WAHOO!!

Totally OT

But I've got a second pencil. (Or should...I do think this is my 400th post)

Yay for me.

Waaaaait, does that make me a dork that spends all my free time on internet boards?

I think it does, but I embrace it fully.

Night ya'll!

Joined: 01/07/07
Posts: 83

Wow...so much has happened in the past week....

I went and vented about my boss and how stupid she is Smile

Well, guess who came down with strep?? That's right, yours truly. Wed. morning I woke

up with a slight sore throat. By noon I had a 99.8 fever and a more sore throat. By

2, I had a 102.something fever and a very sore throat. By the time I saw the doctor

at 7, I had a 103.8 fever.

I so called it Biggrin

They tested me for pregnancy, although I told them it would be pointless....A, I was

8dpo at the time, even if I WAS, i had been drinking water and such ALL DAY and

subsequently, been peeing ALL DAY and I wasn't going to have enough HGC to

register.....

Pregnancy: Negative.

Then they tested me for strep....

Strep: Negative

Then, she tried to convince me I had the flu. I told her, with all due respect, I

haven't thrown up at all....she told me I sounded congested...I told her I wasn't...it

was my throat that sounded that way. She told me she was almost 100% positive it was

the flu and therefore wanted to test me for the flu. Keeping in mind, I was in and

out of lucidity (having a 103 + fever) when they stuck that swab up my nose and into

my brain for the damn flu test, I about passed out.

And then, I threw up.

God I love my husband....he just kept hold of the bucket with one hand, kept me

upright with the other and kept saying "its ok honey..."

I threw up and the doctor looked smug.

Flu Test: Negative.

HA HA Dr. HA HA

So basically, she didn't know what in the WORLD was wrong with me, but gave me some

advil and an order for another throat test.

I took the order and went home....

I woke up at 2:30 am with a 102 something fever and a LOT of pain. So, basically, I

said screw this. I went and got the lab...she said it would take a couple of DAYS to

get the results.... I went home, curled up on the couch and decided I couldn't handle

living with this pain for a couple of days....

I made an appointment with MY dr (not some hokey late-night clinic one) and he looked

at me and said "Obviously something is wrong... and it's not the flu" He thought

mono, so they drew blood and then he gave me anti-biotics to start taking just in

case.

So I've been recovering from this mystery illness since Wednesday.

At some point, the :witch: showed up....which, I'm glad it was while I was sick because I was too preoccupied to be that disappointed. I'm a little irked though because now I'm possibly embarking on another terribly long and fruitless cycle....

And, of course, every cycle that goes by that is crazy/long/fruitless/etc, it makes me worry a little bit more.

In other news: We went to the park today with Candace and Tarr. Had TONS of fun....Candace and I took turns being crazy photographer and pouty model. Fantastic, eh? Wink

Matt even got into it and started being a little crazy. Crazy man!

But that's why I love him.

Todays Quote:
"Oooo! Porn in the park!" -- Matt (in response to Candace shaking her butt)

Joined: 01/07/07
Posts: 83

So, I had a dream last night.

I had a baby, but I kept losing it.

"Ooooo cooochie cooochie cooo! Look shiny object-- (10 minutes passes by) Wait...isn't there a baby around here somewhere?"

Very strange.

I'm a little perplexed about all things below the belt right now....my period lasted all of a day and a half. No, not joking in the slightest. Day and a half.

44 days no period, 1.5 day-long period. Something is a miss here.

Oh! and my temp this morning was 97.9, WAAAAY above my coverline, I've asked my "guides" on FF as to where I should go from here. Am I on CD 4 or am I 12 DPO?

I don't know whats up with me, but my orange chicken doesn't even taste good.

Damn illness! You've ruined my panda express!

Joined: 01/07/07
Posts: 83

You know how they say that the time will be right when it happens? That it's not happening because it's not meant to happen.

I'm trying to figure out what giant cosmic mission I'm on...what exactly is my holy grail of sorts?

Maybe I'm just meant to enjoy marriage.

Maybe I'm meant to experience life without strings and such right now.

It doesn't help though, believing I'm on some cosmic journey.

I think tomorrow, at some point, I am going to buy a journal. A real, paper and cover, nicely bound, nothing but a journal journal.

A journal to write about everything. My job, my marriage, the itch on my left foot.

Maybe that's my cosmic holy grail.

To journal about my life, to write down enough material to fuel a couple of years of stand-up success.

Or maybe I'll just end up being arrested at the Island of Aaaarrggh for shooting a historian.

(And if you know where I'm at with that reference, bonus points to you)

It doesn't help, though, you know....being around kids. I drive through town, windows down, singing with Ben in the backseat (trying to sing along) and I just feel the massive hole where our kids should be. I am a woman on a mission to have a baby and I have a job where my backseat is full of carseats and booster seats.

Almost a cruel joke, isn't it?

But I can't help but believe that I've been put in this job for a reason...I've been put here to make some sort of an impact on these two kids, to be some sort of a role model that they aren't getting other places. Maybe my job is just to make sure they don't hurt themselves or each other, I don't know....I just know that its painful having a carseat on the weekends with no little body to fill it.

Speaking of the job, I arrived this morning after recieving a phone call saying they had just finished 1.5 hours of homework and about how crazy and stupid that was.

Of course, my first thought is not about how cruel that is (that amount of hw) or about how stupid that is that she's been assigned so much.

My first thought is "why did you wait til Monday night to do it?" and "Of course it took that long, she drags her feet when doing her hw".

So I arrive and find out that it took 1.5 hours to do a booklet that was maybe 6 or 8 pages long. And the best part is: they didn't even do all of the hw. There were exercises that her mother felt were "so stupid" that it was "pointless to be bothered to do them". Now, THAT'S a great example to be setting. "Sweetheart, if you don't like your homework, you don't have to do it"

The girl-genius is going to have some serious issues when she hits the real world.

Of course, if things go her way, she can avoid it all together, like some people I know.

Joined: 01/07/07
Posts: 83

Well....

so I bought my journal. It's amazing how theraputic writing can be. I officially have 3 blogs/journals now (that I write in).

My myspace blog is more social commentary on current events, with a humorous spin for the entertainment value of my friends.

This blog is the account of all things baby-making (with some humorous side-stories)

My journal is more of the deep dark secrets of my life. Stuff that is theraputic for me to get off my chest, but for the good of the general public, probably better that no one else reads it.

A lot of writing, a lot of venting, but overall....I think I'm better for it.

I don't know why, but I've been kind of a social recluse lately, which is amazing because it's getting warmer and we're getting into my favorite season...all points should point towards happy mandie, but they are kind of making me just draw the curtains and hide in my little cave.

Ok, time to come onto the TTC topics. We've been going at it bunny-style...a little fruitless because of the fact that apparently I don't ever EVER O before cd 201239 (or, you know cd 35) but, hey..it's been fun.

I've got some serious cramps that's causing me quite a bit of pain. However, I also seem to be having some serious gas, so I can't tell if it's gas cramps or if it's actual uterus cramps.

I still can't over the fact that I had a 44 day cycle and then about a day and a half of a period. That can't be normal, can it?

This cycle, My goal is literally to just let it go and see what happens. Why the change in beliefs? No, it's not that we don't want a baby anymore..its not that we're any less into the idea of having kids...

Honestly? I would rather not have a December baby. I mean, if I do, I do...but it's not a big deal for me to have one in December and I'd rather NOT, but whatever.

....of course, it would be a tax deduction for this year... Smile

:slaps her own hand: NO! Babies aren't bags of money. :laughs: I don't know, I just would rather not have one in the dead of winter, mostly because of bad weather. I mean, for pancake's sake, I live in Indiana. It could be 75 in December, we could have 7.5 feet of snow.

Ok, enough rambling, I have to get jetting, I've got a half day ahead of me and lots lots lots to do!

Peace out Girl Scouts!
*Me*

Joined: 01/07/07
Posts: 83

Well.

Here I am.

Eating cheesticks at 10am on my day off.

I really want to go shopping, but we don't need to buy anything.

We've been going at it like rabid little bunnies lately....I wonder if this will be the month?

Is it bad that part of me kind of doesn't want it to be the month, because a)I've always kind of felt bad for kids with December birthdays and b)I am terrified of going into labor in a snowstorm and having it in the car/house/etc?

I know I shouldn't be picky and choosy, but still....that scares the crap out of me.

However, if I did O when it looks like I might of, my EDD would be 12/9, 3 days after my dad's birthday. What a good present for him that would be, eh?

Joined: 01/07/07
Posts: 83

So last night---

I was IRKED.

I had told matt that I was likely to ovulate yesterday or today (I think it might be today) and we should DTD last night.

He got smashed up.

I didn't even try to DTD with him.

So upset....I temp and chart and check everything everyday....to find a 3 day window and then, he gets drunk on probably the prime day.

I was irked.

I couldn't even bring myself to just DTD, even if I knew we were probably on or near O day...because I'd always think that (assuming I got pg) that our child was concieved in angry sex....

Does that make me wierd?

Joined: 01/07/07
Posts: 83

WOW.

6dpo (well, I will be when I wake up in the morning)

This is the first month since coming off the bcp that I'm pretty sure that I actually DID ovulate.

I had the cm pattern and it's dried and sticky now (as opposed to the continuious wet and ewcm that I had last cycle) **I know, tmi, but it's my journal, right?**

But I'll be damned if I can handle these boobs! They hurt so bad!

I told Matt tonight as we were shopping for groceries...."either I'm pregnant or you're getting WAY too rough with the girls"

He told me they felt bigger (tonight at home, not in the middle of the grocery store...although that would have been funny) I told him that he was dreaming.... (although between you and me, I kind of thought they did too)

Well, we'll see, eh? About a week and I'm going to be compuslively peeing on things again Smile

Joined: 01/07/07
Posts: 83

Oh, I forgot to add...

I'm not too happy with my temps.....they seem scary-close to the rest of them....

What do ya'll think?

LOL! Look at me, assuming people read this Biggrin

Joined: 01/07/07
Posts: 83

Ok, so let me preface this with, I'm really sorry if this offends someone (once again, assuming people read this :-D)

So, I'm a laid back person and I've been thinking a lot about being pregnant.

I'd like to hope that my laid back mantra follows me through the hormones and such, but I had this hour-something-long mental conversation this afternoon....

Women have been pregnant for thousands of years...long before pre-natal vitamins, long before sonograms, genetic testing, long before we knew that wine and alcohol was bad for babies in utero.

But we, as a society, have survived. I'm not saying go boozing it up or smoking like a chimney, but I've read posts from women that freak out about being in the same room as an aluminum can or sushi.

I'd like to think that I'm going to stay somewhat laid-back while pregnant, but I don't know....

On one hand, if I am laid back and have a healthy baby, yay for us!

If I'm laid back and something goes wrong, could I live with the guilt??

There's nothing to say that if something were to go wrong, that it would even be the fault of the fact that I stood near sushi, microwaved popcorn or happened to be at a restraunt that didn't have a seperated smoking section. But if I was laid back and something went wrong, could they prove to me that it wasn't my fault?

Would I believe them?

This is quite the predictament we women are in now, isn't it. Somewhere, someone started this "start teaching them young--give them every headstart" mentality that makes us go CRAZY pushing our children, even before they are born, to be gifted, to be special.

I mean, for the love of all that is holy, I doubt Einstein's mom put headphones on her belly and took her pre-natal vitamin every day, but he turned out a genius.

What's wrong with us, as a culture, that we are so obsessive about the best, about being gifted...we brag about how our precious little angel started crawling at X month and that means they are going to be a doctor, because obviously they are the smartest thing to ever be squeezed out of a vagina.

I'm not saying I want to raise children that are ok with being losers. I don't want to encourage them to fail. However, I want them to enjoy being kids, to live their life moment by moment, enjoying what's in front of them...not pushing them at 2nd grade to go to a camp that's going to prep them in the SAT's, just because everyone else in their grade is going.

Technology has taught us some amazing things, but at what point are we sacrificing all of the simple joys in life for being the best.

What's the point of being the best if you can't enjoy the best of life?

So does that make me a bad mom if I forget to take my prenatal vitamins or I take the wrong one....what if I microwaved a cup of coffee and drank it, pregnant, without a second thought?

If my child turns out to be middle of the road normal, but yet entirely happy....do I live with guilt that I enjoyed a mocha latte and that single drink could have kept little junior from being the next Einstiein?

Joined: 01/07/07
Posts: 83

So this morning, I entered in my temp to ff and they moved my crosshairs.

Not a lot, just a day, but it still frustrates me. I hate it when ff just wakes up and decides "oh wait, what I told you--all of that--that's wrong"

I mean, I know it sounds stupid of me and whatnot, but I was reading all of my signs and had a pretty good idea of approaching O and so we took advantage of it and DTD the 2 days leading up to when I thought I was going to O, and the day of the severe temp dip.

The next day I was tired! God rested on the seventh day, why couldn't I rest a little too?

Well then, they move the damn CH's on me and now, according to them, I didn't DTD on O day, but did the 3 days prior. Which, is still giving me a score of "high" but its still frustrating!

So I tuned it back to cd 16, although I've posted a poll on TTC for the 1st time to see what they think Smile

I just really despise FF some days Blum 3 Hopefully it doesn't matter soon and I won't even have to temp anymore!

Joined: 01/07/07
Posts: 83

PS. my husband is the biggest nerd in the entire universe.

His defalt cell ring is "Step by step". Oh yeah, some new kids on the block action right there.

It's amazing we don't have sex EVERY SINGLE DAY

Joined: 01/07/07
Posts: 83

Ok. So, it's FREEZING in the apartment and I just noticed.

Being as I've been here at the computer most of the day and not doing anything, I thought I'd test it out to see if it effected my temps at all (being in such a cold environment....the heater hasn't been on at all all day)

98.3

Interesting.

Joined: 01/07/07
Posts: 83

Well...finally got my prediction from Cherri Biggrin

Thanks for letting m eknow.. Seeing BOY and MAY.. so thats either birht month, cocnieve month or the month you find out in. I think that youw oill find that I am leaning towards this more so being FIND out month, and more directed to the begiing of the month as they are also mentioned APRIL 27/28th and MAY 3.. so not sure if this would be around ovulation or even testing time??

When it comes to your son, would tell you that he is someone who loves to be around people. Always seems to be laughing and having a good time and always talking to epople. I think that he is very socail and always willing to go out on the limb with people. Hes caring, and funny and just so down to earth. I would even consider him "charming".

hes got a way with words and people, knows how to make you feel like your important, even if he has just met you. It hink that he is someone who just wants to make sure that everyone is having a good time.

I see him as someone who is just shy of 6ft (give or take an inch) and that he has a beautiful smile with white perfect teeth. he has more of "Square" jaw, and has more of a lighter colored eyes, but could be refered to as "hazel". Hes got a smile about him, that just reminds you of someone kind and gentle. (almost reminds me of Brad Pitt in regards to looks, he is what they are showing me as a "description)

I think that you will find that he is someone who is eager to impress, always has a way to lighten up a situation and defuse anything that nmight otherwise upset people.

I see him good with his hands, but even better with his words. Seems to be able to accurately describe how he is feeling, and also put into words what your thinking as well.

When it comes to career paths, I see him linked to 'TV" I think that its going to be a show thats similar to a "reality" show, where he is going to "host". I do believe that this starts out with work in commercials, but is "scouted" an taken over as host.

When it comes to marriage I see him closer to 28, they will have one girl and one boy of their own.

Joined: 01/07/07
Posts: 83

Happy 6 month anniversary to us!

Joined: 01/07/07
Posts: 83

Ok, so I don't have a whole lot of time right now, but I want to announce that AF has come and gone.

Although her timing could have been better, it was still nice to see her.

Before you send me away and lock me up, bear with me. AF followed a pattern and made sense when she showed up (15dpo)...15dpo came at a reasonable time cd30 (31? 30? Somewhere around there). This, to me, tells me that my body is starting to get back to normal.

Yay Vaginal Bleeding!

Ok, so it sucked because what do you want when you can't have it? Well, just about anything, but in this case, it was sex. : sighs : Yes, I know you can do it anyways and I might have, had it not been so incredibly heavy at the time....but c'est la vie! I can have it now Smile

Ok, I've got to go, the wench has come home and wants me over at work at 11:30 so she can be to work by 12.

Want to take bets on whether or not she even leaves on time?

I'm guessing not.

Joined: 01/07/07
Posts: 83

Ok, so first of all, I'm SO out of temping habit...it's amazing how not temping for like 4 days will do that to you.

I forgot to pack my therm for the conference I went to, which was sad...but I couldn't have used those temps ANYWAYS because I had been drinking, wasn't sleeping enough and getting a HECK of a lot more exercise than normal....

THEN--I got sick Blum 3 Nothing serious, low grade fever, coughing, sore-throat-thing...but fever and sleeping with a mouth open while taking various OTC's....yeah, it just wasn't working....

This morning is the first temp I'm going to use, but with the I-net being down until this evening, I haven't had time to enter it yet....

So the highlights, assuming anyone's interested? Smile

My husband, asleep, on the way there....

Our new program director, Nikki, and I trying out new art projects in the Expo Hall

My angry face---why? No clue

My Sad face, at the end of the closing keynote session..realizing midstates was over for the year...

I had a GREAT conference, learned a LOT, ran into many old friends and made some new ones....

Matt had a great time at his first camp conference, he learnt a lot, volunteered as well and said he really enjoyed himself.

Matt won a raffle prize consisting of a "movie night in": Microwave popcorn tub, movie theater boxed candy and season 4 of scrubs on DVD

I won a doorprize of a rolling/backpack insulated cooler thing...tres useful at camp Smile

I also won a raffle prize that I've been trying to win for the last 3 years...its really kind of dorky, but a retired camp director created this really awesome (when you know the story) sculpture of a baseball cap and a pair of socks (if anyone even remotely cares enough to hear the story as to why he chose those two items, ask and I shall share) and it's a recycled raffle prize....every year it's raffled off, the camp takes it home for a year, donates it back and it's re-raffled the next year...they put the name of the camp on a plaque and it's attached to the sculpture...well, this year we are taking it home to Logan! Awesome...and yes, I realize how much of a dork this really makes me Smile

The big kicker.....ready for this?

Matt finally talked me into getting the glasses that I should have been wearing for the last 6 years (but conviently couldn't find). I have a stigmatism (sp?) and so it's not THAT bad, but he finally convinced me I should get them. (with the tax refund--yay for being grown-ups). Candace and Matt had a blast picking out frames for me and since it was a 2 pair for $98 sale at EyeMart, they each got to pick one. Matt picked the silver frame (for being grown-up and serious) and Candace picked the (what appears to be) black (but is actually) plum pair for when I want to be funky.

Yup. What a Life we lead.

So what's your favorite? (I hate glasses, so I can't morally have a favorite Biggrin However, I do hate both less than my old pair that looked like something even my grandma would consider old-lady, tacky and ugly rolled into one)

It's going to take me a few days to get back into the swing of things, but in case anyone missed me and was wondering how the trip went, I wanted to be a bit of an attention hog and make one blanket post about my new glasses, my trip and about how I'm a bad temp-per as of lately)

Joined: 01/07/07
Posts: 83

**Update** Here are some "full-face" shots that people had requested..now that I don't look like Butt, I thought I could post these...

so, I actually took some where you couldn't see me taking the pictures of myself, but strangely enough, I enjoyed these the most Smile They seem so...myspace :-D**

Joined: 01/07/07
Posts: 83

Well....... I only have a few minutes, but I'll let my loyal readers Smile **both of you** in on a little secret.

I quit this morning.

More to come later! (Assuming anyone's interested :laughs:)

Joined: 01/07/07
Posts: 83

Ok, ok ok ok ok ok......

So first of all...apparently I did leave some of you on the edge of your collective seats...I've been really busy since Monday morning.... Smile Camp's coming up and we're getting ready and prepping all of our stuff for reaccrediation and what not.

In order to tell you about me quitting, I need to tell you about last week.

Ok, so anyways.

Let me preface this email with a few things:
1)Email has always been a valid form of communication between me and my boss. They had emailed me all the time to tell me things such as: when I had to be there (or not be there), what was going on with the kids, when they'd scheduled vacations, etc... In the past, if there was ever any questions/concerns/comments, I'd get a response email and if there were serious questions, we'd call.....
2)Second of all, My boss had a friend that runs a day care from her home...this is what her friend does and her friend just started so she only has a few kids for "clients". This was in the back of my head or I wouldn't have been so "casual" (is that the word I want to use? I don't know...anyways, hopefully you get the idea) about saying "I'd like the day off to try and get better".
3)They have kind of crappy health insurance, so the kids getting sick costs them about $60 per office visit. Needless to say, they don't like the kids getting sick. Both of them work crazy and I know for a face have used their sick time...I didn't want them to catch what I had

I think those are all of the prefaces, so anyways....

So last week, I wasn't feeling hot. I came home from midstates and i was miserable. I emailed Sunday morning and I said "Hey, I'm really not feeling well, I'm going to rest Monday and OTC (over-the-counter) for the day and kick it".

No response. I'm assuming at this point (based on #1) that this is ok. I figure other arrangements had been made (based on #2).

She didn't call me Monday at all (which, I wouldn't normally EXPECT my boss to do, however, it has been her practice that if she has any questions about anything, she will email or call **depending on severity**). I lost track of the time (thank you cold medicine) and before I knew it, it was 10:30 at night. A little late to call a house with two little kids.

I wasn't worried, because it had been my experience that the assumption with employment was that unless they heard otherwise, you were expected to be there. Being as I have always emailed or called them in advance (5 out of the 6 times I ever was sick in the past year and a half), I thought that they'd be expecting me.

Tuesday morning, Matt and I wake up late..not too late, but late enough that I thought I was going to be late getting there. So like always, I call to tell them that I'm on my way, but I might be a few minutes late. (Well, technically Matt called them because I was going to the bathroom and getting dressed....this too, however, is not unusal *Matt talking with them on the phone*) She tells Matt that they had already made arrangements for the kids...but that she'd call her husband to see what was going on (she was out of town on business). Matt hangs up.

Hmmmm. Interesting. Ok..well, I can use this day to finish resting..I still felt a little crap-tastic.

I tell Matt to call her back and tell her not to worry about it. They made plans, it's ok.

She tells Matt that they need me to drive the kids back and forth to their "arrangements" that they made and they want me there at normal time.

Ok lady......at this point I'm a little "WTF"...you say you already made arrangments, but you need me to drive across town and all around town taking the kids to their "arranagments"? Obviously you didn't make good arrangments, did you.

But whatever, I think, "Hey it's $20...I was going to work anyways"

I get to work, the dad asks me how I'm feeling...tells me that when he gets home, we'll talk about how I'm feeling, because they've already made arrangements for Wednesday too.

At this point, I was little taken aback. A) The kids weren't going to the day care situation (referenced in #2) Dirol Because I told them I was going to need Monday off to recover from a really nasty (TMI warning: There was more oozing out of just about every opening from my body than I've seen in a long time) cold-thing, and without even asking me, talking to me about it, replying to my email they plan on me not being there half the week.

Ok, whatever.

Well, considering I was still oozing, got coughing hard enough (trying to get the phlem-crap out of my chest) that I almost threw up in front of HIM (the dad) and the two kids...AND...the fact that people have already made plans to have the kids the next day, I think (later that morning)...eh, I'll just take tomorrow off and make an appointment to see the doctor about all of this. (At this point, I'm piecing together that it's about time that my allergies normally kick in and I wanted to make sure that it was allergies and NOT pneumonia (my spelling sucks, sorry))

So I drop the girl off at school. I have some time before I drop the boy off (he was supposed to be dropped off at 9) and I'm so thirsty I'm about to die, I swing through McDonalds for a drink. (Keep in mind, I'm not being cruel, he had his drink and his cereal and all of that, I'm not eating in front of him while he's starving :-D)

I go and attempt to drop him off at 9. There's a long story but really it doesn't really relate to the point of my story...let's just say that it took a LOT of detective work and a NUMBER of different employees at the preschool to get me to the right place.

I dropped him off at about 9:10-ish (after they opened the doors and I found the room, it took that long).

I went home until 2:30.

I picked my husband up from work.

(Note: We share a car and obviously I need it for the nannying gig. I used to just drop him off at home (we live about 2 miles from his work) but one day I thought "Man, he'd be great to have with us in the afternoons, we could interact one-on-one with the kids!! I talked to the mom and the dad and they both agreed, they said they loved Matt and the kids adored him and that it was cool)

ANYWAYS...back to the story. I picked Matt up, then went and picked the girl up from school. We then went and picked up the boy from day-care at his preschool. Dad had given me a check to pay for the daycare. I asked the Director at the preschool how much I owed them. They told me, without hesitation.... "25 for today and 12.50 for tomorrow....27.50 total"

The boy has school on Wed. afternoons...which means, he'd only be in their daycare for half a day. Half of 25 is 12.50...yes? Dad had told me that they had made arrangements for the next day.....I had already decided that I wasn't going to come in....can you guess what happened next? Yup, I wrote the check for that amount (well, the right total....37.50 not 27.50....there was laughing when the Director of the preschool added it wrong).

Once again, please note: Me making out checks for them based on what the director (police department/school/girl scouts/gymnastics/doctor) tells me.....not a new concept. Obviously not, when they give me a signed blank check.

Anyways. Matt and I take boy and girl home. Their dad comes home, I tell him that I'm not going to come in tomorrow, being as there were arrangments already made and that I'm going to go to the Doctor and figure out whats going on.

Ok, no problem he says.

I tell him that I made the check out for X,Y and Z based on what the director told me. Dad looks confused, tells me that he made arrangments for someone to come to the house and watch the kids...not for them to go to day care. I apologized left and right about the situation, because I misunderstood.... he told me that they had made arrangments for the kids for both days, the director told me "X for today and Y for tomorrow", and the amount made reasonable sense for only being in there half a day....I apologized about a dozen times before it was all finished. However, he said it shouldn't be a problem because the director would probably just credit the 12.50 to the boys tuition for the last month.

That's about it (other than good-byes and what not). I leave with my husband and we go home. Later Matt convinces me to go get glasses. We go to see if I can schedule an appointment for next day before Allergist....we get in that night and I have glasses. voila.

Wed. Go to doctor. Talk. He believes it to be allergies, wants me to see an allergist to be sure, tells me they will probably give me a shot (I've tried just about every OTC on the market for the last 5 years) but that i'll feel better within the next day.

I email them as soon as I get home, telling them the news. That I'm going to see someone on Thursday, it's smack in the middle of the day and that I'll probably have a shot that will make me feel like crap for the rest of the day, but I'll feel much better over all reasonably quickly.

No email, no calls, nothing. Ok, no problems, I'm assuming.

I go, I get shot, I feel like crap for about 5 hours and I email my boss when I get home and tell them that I got shot and that I want to confirm that I'll see them tomorrow morning. (being as they assumed that monday equals tues and weds too, I didnt want to make general assumptions at this point). **note: I can understand making it for Tuesday, MAYBE....situation reversed, I would have called my employee and checked in ***as I had always done*** before setting everything in stone like that, but I can understand setting up for Tuesday...anyways, I digress)

I get a VERY snotty email back Thursday night that says that they've made arrangements for Friday but they want me to come over at 8:30 Saturday morning.

Ruh Roh.

Now, this is where we get to the bare bones of the fact that I hate my job. I've been dying to tell her where she can go shove it for the last 3 months.
(for various reasons) but I haven't because:
a)I do love those kids and I know that me doing that and leaving so suddenly without reason would be hard on them
b)I know that they both work full time and that me quitting is just rude and puts them in a giant inconvience.
c)There's a month left before I leave for camp...no need to end this on bad terms when I can just ride it out and leave in an orderly fashion.

Well, sorry lady and gent...saturday morning is no good for me, I'm out of town all weekend.

I email them and tell them so. I also give her a slightly (but VERY censored **compared to what I wanted to write**) snippy email about my thoughts on the situation...

No email back.

At this point, explitives are out of my mouth about the situation. Part of the email she sent me was how I didn't keep them informed.

I emailed her back and told her that I was going by the standard we had set for communication...that all of her communication for the last year was through email (her communication to me) and if there were questions/comments she'd either email me or call me......that she was just as at fault for not communicating with me that she was trying to point the finger and say that I was for not communicating with her.

And what do I get from this email?

No communication.

No phone calls, no emails, nothing.

I go into work on Monday, Monday is Matt's in-late/stay-late day at work and as has been the routine for the last 7 months (and approved by them) Matt came to work with me in the morning.

Mom and Dad both come out dressed at 6:45 (which, ps...I knew something was up because those lazy a-holes are NEVER ready to go on time. They tell me that I have to be there at 6:30 because they HAVE to leave for work by 6:40......I get there at 6:30 for a couple of months and they CONSTANTLY leave at 7:00---7:30 (most common) and even up to 8:00 or 9:00. (but that's another story))

They say "we need to talk".

At this point, I realize that it's over, because even if they aren't planning on firing me (which I was pretty sure they were going to) I was going to quit and tell them to shove it.

Well, let's just say......among the things they accused me of:

1) They accused me of dropping the boy off at school on Tuesday at 7:45 am. (an hour and 15 minutes before I was told to drop him off). They said that the 12.50 was because he was dropped off early...not for Wednesday's care.
Ok, first of all...I have no way to prove, other than eye-witnesses (whom they claim all told them that I am lying), I have no way to prove that I didn't do this. Oh yeah, other than the fact that I'm 20 minutes away at 7:45 (actually closer to 7:50-7:55) dropping their daughter off at kindergarten.

2) They accused me of having Matt babysit the kids in the afternoon while I wandered off and worked on camp stuff.
Ok, once again, I have no way of proving it. They don't either. Matter of fact, psycho-mom even said "I have no way of proving it, I just know it's happening"
Thank God Matt was with me, because he interjected and said "The only time that I'm soley responsible for both children is when she is busy doing YOUR dishes, folding and putting away YOUR laundry or otherwise cleaning YOUR house...stuff she can't do during the day because she's busy with YOUR kids.
They replied to me "we didn't hire matt, we hired you".
Um, yeah, you're right. However, when I ask you if Matt can come over and help me with the kids/cleaning and you say yes...that's actually kind of what you're doing.

3) They accused me of ignoring the kids during the day (when Matt's not there) and doing camp stuff.
Ok, I bring a tote bag that (usually) only has (only has that's camp-related) a notebook or a hand-out in it...when the kids are napping and I'm done cleaning (assuming, of course they nap or that they both are down at the same time...) that I work on it....or when the kids are playing in the bath (that Mom asked me to give them) and I'm sitting right next to them while they play....then I will make my to-do lists or jot down ideas.....or when the Girl is working on her homework and i'll sit next to her and while she's doing it, I will make my to-do lists/notes/rough ideas/etc so I can be readily available for questions/help when she asks for it. (Note: The boy is with Matt or playing on the floor a foot away from me during this time).

There's a whole list of other things, but these were the really big ones.

Basically they told me that I don't care about their kids and that I lie to them.

Anyone who knows me (IRL and some on the net) know that kids and esp. those two were HUGE parts of my life. That I'd never neglect or harm a child.

And the worst part is, I had to restrain myself because the only thing that kept going through my mind was what if the girl was standing outside the kitchen listening?

Oh, there's a million and a half things I could have said to those two.

Most of which I won't even in front of my grandmother...but I couldn't. Not just because I have been taught to respect my elders, to respect my employers (which was a factor) but because I kept thinking of this 6 and a half year old little girl that could very easily be standing outside of our sight, listening.

I didn't want her last memory of me to be one of me telling her mother and father exactly what I thought of them and what they could do with their smug little smirks and whatnot when I got upset about the situation.

(Yes, this is where I tell you that I cried....not because I was sad...but because I was SO livid and SO frustrated that my thinking of their daughter **Even during all of this SHIT they were putting me through** was keeping me from really giving them the verbal lashing those two up-tight yuppie twats deserved. )

I told them "You know what? I'm too good for this. You don't deserve me"

And it was over.

I've been looking for something part-time, but it's hard because I'm obviously leaving in a month.

So, I'm utilizing my time...working on camp stuff, on stuff for the reaccrediation...which is good, because really, this is the stuff that I have to know for my professional life. I've been schmoozing with everyone at the office, which is good because networking is always a positive. Basically this was a huge blessing in disguise, because my stress levels are a LOT lower and I'm doing GREAT things for my professional portfolio and my resume.

Anyways...that's the saga. If you've made it through this..mucho cookies for you!

Joined: 01/07/07
Posts: 83

1. This Giraffe (the female) was SOOO interested in us. She just sat and stared at us and got as close as she could (maybe 6 feet away?) and we sat and talked to her for about 20 minutes. She had such personality!

2. The Male wanted very little to do with us. I like this one because it shows the distance physically and the difference in curiousity.

3. Peacock

4. Different Peacock

5. Same peacock as #4 -- I really like this one because with the bokeh (sp?) you can see his tail feathers

6. Cute monkey that was very curious about us (we were some of the only people there today, the weather was THAT bad)

7. Just goofy picture of Candace

8. Peacock, Photoshopped

9. There were goslings everywhere! (Does anyone have any advice **other than tiny tiny tiny erasers** to get in between blades of grass like that?)

10. Tiger, colored

11. Tiger, BW

12. My boss, the monkey.

Joined: 01/07/07
Posts: 83

Taken today...

I've felt pretty crappy for a few days now...I'm not entirely sure what's going on...

I'm frustrated that it's day 20 something and I haven't O'd yet.

I'm thinking that its happening right as we speak, but there's not a whole lot of indication, temp-wise.

However, I've been really stressed and really inconsistant with my waking times, so I think that might have a bit to do with it.

OH well, we're just seeing what happens......

Joined: 01/07/07
Posts: 83

So Matt's friends are getting married today and the more I know about the wedding, the less I want to go....

First of all (in my opinion, from what I've seen so far) it's going to be INCREDIBLY tacky. (We're talking mixing turquoise and baby blue together)
Meh, just not my style.

They planned it outdoors, but it's been moved inside the dining hall of the downtown Holiday Inn (Meh, weather happens)

The groom told matt (and the rest of the groomsmen) YESTERDAY (the day before the wedding) that he wanted them ALL to write speeches.

They are doing a headtable, which, whatever...but it's really unfortunate because MOST of the people in the wedding party have signifigant others that are coming to the wedding, but not IN it..aka, a lot of people spending a lot of time by themselves with people they don't know.....

:sighs:

I had to buy a dress and dress up.

If nothing else has happened, thats reason enough for me not to be happy Blum 3

Pictures later.

Joined: 01/07/07
Posts: 83

Well, the wedding was last night....overall it wasn't bad...just....meh.

I had a little to drink.

Yes, I know. I might be in the 2ww and I might not be, but I drank anyways. I realized yesterday my BBT thermometer is janked and isn't giving me accurate readings. WHICH means I'm in limbo until I get a new one (probably tomorrow) I might have actually ovulated and don't even know it.

But I drank. Do I feel badly? Partially....however, I really don't think I have o'd yet and I'm pretty sure this is an anno cycle. There has been an INSANE amount of stress this cycle and I think it has just done nothing but mess with me. Everytime I get straightened out, something else happens.

Anyways....back to the wedding. It went alright...not what I would have done for a lot of it, but to each their own, you know?


Ross, Me and Matt


Me, being proposed to by a groomsman (who knows good and well that I'm married, but did it anyways)


Me with the dollar I had during the dollar dance and put down the grooms pants. My idea? No. Best man's. But I'm pretty comfortable with the groom so I did it Biggrin


Whose the hottie? Biggrin Oh yeah, it's me :laughs:


Oh yeah, he had a bit to drink.


This was taken this morning after we came back from the hotel. I like this picture, I don't know why.


Oh yeah. Drunk.


I wasn't as much of a drunk as this looks like.


Oh yeah, it's me again.


Matt and I at the reception


Where the wedding was SUPPOSED to be (but it rained)


Another picture of the rosegarden


I don't know why, but I enjoy this picture.


Two geese, another strange (but favorite) picture of mine


During the rehearsal.

Joined: 01/07/07
Posts: 83

Ok, so I know I haven't been around a bit....I've been mucho busy...

But, I'm taking tomorrow off of everything and just recovering from my birthday celebration tonight (and preparing for our joint birthday party (matt's is a week from today) this weekend) so you'll probably hear more from me then...

I hope everyone is well!

Joined: 01/07/07
Posts: 83

Ok, so I'm sure you're wondering what kind of human masterpieces created someone as amazing as me :rolls her eyes and laughs:


My parents and I


My mom and I drinking from my pitcher


My Birthday Wand


The obligatory Peace-Sign Pout combo


Me and my Grandma, Bugga

Joined: 01/07/07
Posts: 83

Wow.... it's been awhile, hasn't it....

A summer at camp, still no bfp.

Went to a baby shower today, and although I am incredibly happy for my friend, I was a little depressed the whole time.

So many babies, so many pregnant friends.

Meh, it'll happen when it happens, eh?

I really thought that it was time last month.

Joined: 01/07/07
Posts: 83

Ok, just to warn you, I'm very much having a pity party right now...but if you can't vent in your own journal, when can you vent?

I am bored. I need a job. When I'm bored, I think about babies. I know how completely stupid it is to want a baby more when you don't have a job. I yell at myself for even wanting a baby when I'm not working. Matt is though, and I know it won't be long before I'll be working.

Here's the thing, I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a decision and on one hand, I really want to have a baby now. I want a baby for a number of reasons, not all of which I think may be the right ones.

I want a baby because I want to bring a child into this world. I want to make something wonderful, to bring hope into the world. I want to make something wonderful with my husband. I want to make my parents grandparents, to make my grandparents great grandparents. I want to bring someone into this world and teach them how to make good decisions, to make a difference, to change things for the better. I want to teach someone the value of hard work, loyalty, the beauty if everyone and in everything. I want to show them how to have fun on a rainy day, how to work with your hands and to teach them how to bring joy into their world.

I want to teach someone to tell jokes, to cook brownies and to sing songs.

I want to teach someone to love others and to teach them how to feel loved without guilt.

These things are true whether we have a baby this year or 10 years from now. But I want one now, at least in some ways. These are the selfish reasons.

I want to have a baby now so it can grow up with the other babies in our lives. Basically, I want to have a baby because my friends are having a babies and I want our children to have good friends. I want to go through this with my friends before they are too busy to be there for me when I'm going through this and terrified beyond my wildest imagination.

I want to have a baby now to prove to myself that I can.

I'm sitting on almost a year of unprotected sex and I'm still a bleeder, not a breeder. That's wierd to say. I've been having "careless" sex for almost a year now and I've had no problems.

I want to have a baby now because I'm terrified of not having one.

There is no doubt in my mind that I want kids. I know Matt wants kids. I want to provide all of life's greatest experiences for another human being. I want to hold a new life in my hands knowing that if it weren't for me, they'd not exist. I want to see what it would look like when Matt and I's genetics blend together.

I know its incredibly selfish to want one without having to pay lots of money and deal with lots of heartache over infertility.

I want a baby now because I want to make sure I can.

I also don't want to have a baby. I don't want one now because I am terrified I might not be a good mom, that I might be too selfish, that we won't be able to provide what we want to provide. I like sleeping til noon when I can, I like staying up til 3am because I can. I like drinking a margarita on a hot evening and not feeling guilty about it. I like making easy mac for dinner because I'm too tired to make anything more than that.

But the life isn't fulfilling... Margaritas are fun, but not what I want to do with my life. Sleeping in IS nice, but I know I can do without that. There is nothing in our life right now that I can't leave without (when it comes to my reasons to not wanting a baby right now).

I am happy for my friends, I am happy for everyone that finds out they are PG, esp if they are REALLY wanting a baby.

I have many reasons why I want a baby right now.

I have few reasons why I don't.

Joined: 01/07/07
Posts: 83

Well, here I am...a full 24 hours after the infamous night of debauchery and I'm still paying for it.

Yesterday, we decided to celebrate (and by "we" I mean our friend/neighbor/boss and then she convinced us) the fact that we are young, free and 21. Wait, is that the phrase my dad used to use all the time? Anyways, it's 4:30 am, I can't reminise that well.

Where was I?

Oh yeah, so we had a party Friday night and we all had a bit to drink. Some of us, namely myself, had a lot to drink. That decision has haunted me all day...trust me. I practically finished off a whole bottle of jack myself. Yes it was a stupid decision, no I don't drink often and Yes, I'm sorry I did it.

But I'm only kind of sorry that I was able to do it.

For those of you that read my journal (although I'm not sure if there really is anyone anymore, I haven't been very diligent about updating it) I go back and forth about wanting a baby now vs. wanting a baby later. Last night it was wanting a baby later. Or maybe I was ok with drinking that much because I want a baby now and I don't have one.

Regardless-the hangover I feel today is both emotional and physical.

One of my friends is likely in labor as we speak (or perhaps already had the baby). Another friend of mine is due in 8 days.

Life is grand.

Although, the constant feeling of wanting to puke makes me a little happy not have to deal with Morning Sickness.

I forgot how miserable being miserable really is Biggrin