Do you ever truly feel ready for a second child?

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Kayla1981's picture
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Do you ever truly feel ready for a second child?

Jason and I have been talking about this a lot lately. We both imagined that we would have more than one child but I cannot foresee a time when we will feel completely prepared to add another child to the mix. I do dream of having another child around someday but then I see how difficult things can be with one child and I honestly wonder how mothers juggle two (or more) children.

For instance, Jordan can fight me over the simplest of things. Just getting her in her car seat can turn into an all out battle of the wills. Truth be told, it's a battle of the wills and a battle of physical strength. The constant climbing is another tricky one. I have to be ready to rescue her from falling at least ten times a day. I'm sure it's actually more. What about baths? Naps? Getting two or three children in and out of the grocery store? (Not to mention actually shopping with multiple children.)

I know it's especially hard right now because Jordan is a toddler and they present many challenges at this stage. There are a few mothers on my BB that are pregnant and at least one who is due pretty soon. Sometimes I feel like I hardly have the energy to even make a baby, let alone take care of one.

Am I just lazy? Or is everyone crazy? Wink Will there be a day that we just feel ready?

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Alex and I talk about this too. We are pretty certain that our family is complete. I cannot imagine being pregnant (cause it was just so much fun) and I really feel that our little three some is pretty great! I was very blessed to be able to carry Alison to term and she is the best gift I have ever been given.

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You're not crazy. A second child more than doubles your work. That is what my Ped told me, and I never understood exactly how true that statement was until I had my second. But the love and joy they bring is endless! I was so sure I was done at 2 kids that I had my tubes tied, but even now, and after how difficult the first 18 months with 2 kids have been, I'm seeing more and more each day how wonderful they are. I'm not completely convinced we're done anymore... Even with Andrew being a difficult baby, I think now I'm even more prepared for more kids, because if we all can survive the drama of Drew, we can tackle anything! ....you're right. Maybe we all are crazy! Blum 3

As far as timing, I remember when we first saw our RE, and we were discussing how young we were to be there. The RE said, If you waited until the timing was perfect to have children, no one would have any.

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Like Amber, I was told that having 2 is like having 3 or 4 and I have to say that I agree with that statement. So, no, you are not crazy for thinking these things and I definitely think you are not lazy.

I've always dreamed of having 2. J calls T his "best buddy" and I love watching them interact. Dh and I had to make changes to our routine and we have to plan/organize everything. We are definitely exhausted and our house is never as tidy as we'd like it to be, but we realize that the attention that 2 boys requires is well worth it. It always works out in the end.

Now I didn't really have a choice when it came to timing for #2. The cycle I got pg with T, was the last cycle I was going to try. My RE didn't think that cycle was going to work. So glad it did

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mine came at the same time, so no real decision there for me. i love being a mum of two. i love that they have each other. it's an amazing thing watching their sibling relationship, especially since i have no siblings of my own.

as for only children, i can offer you my experience. i loved growing up being the only apple of my mum and dad's eye. i never felt like i was missing anyone—i grew up with a lot of great friends, my parents always let me bring a special friend on trips and i got to have sleepovers during the week. i didn't feel spoiled, but i never wanted for anything. i do remember thinking once that i'd never be an auntie, but i married into a big family, so that's a non issue now. in fact, i have an adorable little one-year-old niece. she's my girlie!

so, either way, i don't think you can go wrong. plus you are so young that if you don't feel ready now, you have plenty of time. my hubby is 8 years older than his brother and they are fantastic friends.

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I actually feel like having 2 kids is almost LESS work than one. Maybe it's because Daphne was such a difficult baby and toddler and Mac is the easiest, sweetest baby ever, I don't know. Daphne dotes on him so much that it seriously reduces the amount of time she spends being a little stinker. She's always the first to get to him if he's fussing and she'll offer him his pacifier and sing to him or she'll just make faces at him and it works...he stops fussing. I wish I'd had a helper when she was Mac's age. Smile

I also think that you're at a very hard age. I think from 15-24 months was the most difficult stage because Daphne, like Jordan, was a climber and she was always getting into dangerous situations. I feel like they're mobile enough to get into lots of trouble but don't have any common sense yet...not a good combination! Having two kids with a 2.5 year age gap is much easier IMO than with a 18 month age gap...the older one can walk into stores, climb into her own car seat, is potty trained etc.

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"joysiloo" wrote:

I actually feel like having 2 kids is almost LESS work than one.

you are crazy!! Wink
i guess everyone's situation is different, but when i take one of the boys out instead of two it's a cakewalk!

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I don't know, but this thread is scaring me. Biggrin

I do know that you're at a tough stage with Jordan. In a few more months I'm sure she'll be over the climbing. And if she isn't, she'll be more stable and you won't have to watch her like such a hawk. Wink

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"Kayla1981" wrote:

We both imagined that we would have more than one child but I cannot foresee a time when we will feel completely prepared to add another child to the mix.

If you'd like to have two children don't wait until you feel completely prepared. Most likely, that's just not going to happen. Wink

"Kayla1981" wrote:

Or is everyone crazy? Wink

Yup, we are all crazy. Wink

Michael and Matthew are 20 months a part and it is hard. The first few months weren't too bad because all Matthew did was sleep. And nurse, of course. And Michael was so interested in this little guy and helping out. But now that Matthew is 8mths, crazy and crawling (and with months of a lot of sleepless nights due to teething) it is definitely tiring and hard but the best time ever. If you want two I'd say go for it. Just work in time (especially if you are a sahm) to get out and breathe. Take little breaks for you.

"joysiloo" wrote:

I actually feel like having 2 kids is almost LESS work than one.

Ah, Joy, but you have a sweet little happy nursing/sleepy guy. :bigwink:

I do agree with you that when he is 6mths+ keeping you running that Daphne is at a good age where she'll do most everything on her own.

"AshnBill" wrote:

I don't know, but this thread is scaring me. Biggrin

Bwahaha! :bigwink:

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Scaring me too. Actually, I fully expect life with 2 to be super hard and hope I am just wrong. I can't say that either one of us was ready to have another but when God says yes....we can't disagree. Smile

If I wasn't currently pg I would be asking and saying all the same things as you. I do know that right now it seems like Deacon is super easy to take care of and adding a baby may not be as hard as I think. He is pretty independent now so that will make it a bit easier for me to get stuff done with the baby.

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"hollyloo" wrote:

you are crazy!! Wink
i guess everyone's situation is different, but when i take one of the boys out instead of two it's a cakewalk!

Amen!!! Although, I do think that surviving twins and surviving having more than one child spaced apart is different. Biggrin Even when I take my DS and just one of the twins out, it is a cake walk. Taking both girls out at the same time makes me want to pull my hair out. Lol Two at the same age is chaotic.

I think you will eventually feel somewhat ready. There will come a day when you see a picture of a little baby and you might think to yourself, "I might want one of those again." There is no right or wrong time to decide you are ready for another child. Just because some have children close together doesn't mean that is what is right for your family.

I agree that you are at a tough age with Jordan. It is tiring and crazy to be a parent to a toddler. My life is just total chaos right now because my girls are into everything. They just learned how to open the front door. Thankfully, they are never near it unsupervised, but it just seems like we are constantly running to rescue someone.

As for not having the energy, the simple fact is that you will do it because you have to do it. There is no choice. People always ask me how we manage twins. We just do it. Are there days that I am ready to scream? Sure. There are also days where my kids just make me so happy. There affection for each other is infectious and their smiles just make me melt.

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I don't think I'll ever feel 100% ready. My whole life is full of surprises and not knowing the future, so planning is pretty useless. Most days I'd love to have another child (I'm a dreamer apparently). Some days I wonder about my sanity as I look around at reality. Especially when I think about moving, not knowing where we'll be sent after December of next year, not knowing what DH's deployment schedule will be, etc, etc, etc. Add in thoughts of Aiden and how much trouble he is already, I suddenly think that one is plenty. :rolleyes: But yet my cycle is back and we're not doing anything to prevent. So it's in God's hands. If He thinks we can handle it then it'll happen. If not, well, He knows that too!

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Two is definitely more work, but so so worth it. Mine are 16 months apart, not planned but God decided. Anyhow, they are the best of friends and play together continuously. My sister and I were 3.5 years apart, and totally into different things at different times. We were always fighting and my parents generally had to split up, one with one kid, one with the other. My DSDs are 10 years older than my kids and while they are a great help, they are on totally different stages of life and we definitely split up so they can do older things while someone watches the babies. There is no perfect time, if you want more kids and are agreed on that, go for it!

Nicole

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"hollyloo" wrote:

mine came at the same time, so no real decision there for me. i love being a mum of two. i love that they have each other. it's an amazing thing watching their sibling relationship, especially since i have no siblings of my own.

as for only children, i can offer you my experience. i loved growing up being the only apple of my mum and dad's eye. i never felt like i was missing anyone—i grew up with a lot of great friends, my parents always let me bring a special friend on trips and i got to have sleepovers during the week. i didn't feel spoiled, but i never wanted for anything. i do remember thinking once that i'd never be an auntie, but i married into a big family, so that's a non issue now. in fact, i have an adorable little one-year-old niece. she's my girlie!

so, either way, i don't think you can go wrong. plus you are so young that if you don't feel ready now, you have plenty of time. my hubby is 8 years older than his brother and they are fantastic friends.

I am an only and feel the same as Holly. I never felt like I was missing anyone and loved my childhood. My mom and I are great friends.

I may be the odd one out, but I fully felt ready for a second. I was starting to get bored and itched for the challenge!

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"kris10gal" wrote:

I am an only and feel the same as Holly. I never felt like I was missing anyone and loved my childhood. My mom and I are great friends.

I may be the odd one out, but I fully felt ready for a second. I was starting to get bored and itched for the challenge!

Wow, how many only children do we have on this board? I am an only too. I enjoyed it as well. I do think that there are pros and cons to anything. The only thing that I don't like about being an only is that once my parents are gone, I don't have anyone else besides my DH and my kids. That part makes me sad.

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I was an only for 10.5 years. To say that it was a shock having a baby around after all that time would be an understatement! I never felt like I was missing out as a child, though now that we're older I wouldn't trade my sister for the world.

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"Jenn0113" wrote:

Scaring me too. Actually, I fully expect life with 2 to be super hard and hope I am just wrong. I can't say that either one of us was ready to have another but when God says yes....we can't disagree. Smile

If I wasn't currently pg I would be asking and saying all the same things as you. I do know that right now it seems like Deacon is super easy to take care of and adding a baby may not be as hard as I think. He is pretty independent now so that will make it a bit easier for me to get stuff done with the baby.

Bumped after the irony of your last post and to reiterate my bolded thought. I'm really happy for you Kayla!

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Late to this but I agree we are all crazy! LOL I think having #1 be an easy baby or toddler can play a role in when #2 is planned. That being said it was a catch 22 for me. Grace was a perfect and easy baby in every way and has made up for it in her toddler years. So now it's interesting with her everyday and I have a 6 month old to care for. lol For me there are days were I'm so overwhelmed and can't get anything done. So I had to learn to let go of the control and be content with what my house "looks" like. On the plus side Ben completed our family. He brings so much joy to us and he and Grace truly love each other. I was surprised it would show this early. Ben is always looking for Grace and wants to play. She is gentle, loving and caring 9 times out of 10. So when she is a pill for me I try to focus and praise her on how great she is with Ben.

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"Jenn0113" wrote:

Bumped after the irony of your last post and to reiterate my bolded thought. I'm really happy for you Kayla!

I was laughing to myself about this post yesterday. As soon as I got the positive I started having all these worries about how my pregnancy will go, fear of miscarriage, fear of having two children and then I just had to stop myself. I have wondered so many times how things would play out for us when it came to children and I've told myself that it would all be revealed in time. One way or another. So, I just had to remind myself that this is all in God's plan. Taking that burden off my shoulders is going to be VERY important to my sanity.

"PookieB" wrote:

Late to this but I agree we are all crazy! LOL I think having #1 be an easy baby or toddler can play a role in when #2 is planned. That being said it was a catch 22 for me. Grace was a perfect and easy baby in every way and has made up for it in her toddler years. So now it's interesting with her everyday and I have a 6 month old to care for. lol For me there are days were I'm so overwhelmed and can't get anything done. So I had to learn to let go of the control and be content with what my house "looks" like. On the plus side Ben completed our family. He brings so much joy to us and he and Grace truly love each other. I was surprised it would show this early. Ben is always looking for Grace and wants to play. She is gentle, loving and caring 9 times out of 10. So when she is a pill for me I try to focus and praise her on how great she is with Ben.

I know what you mean about being content with the way the house looks. There are days that Jordan will follow me around while I get things done and other days were she attaches herself to my leg and cries if I try to do anything besides sit with her. I'm so glad I have a husband who understands that the house comes second. The mess can drive me crazy at times but I do my best to take it in stride.

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And honestly, if you are anything like me, you will worry way less this time. This is a total gift from God and you can't deny that. I mean really, when in a million years did you ever think you would DTD and get pg without even trying for months/years or without going to the RE? And being your second you will be way more laid back about stuff you were worried about when you were pg with Jordan. At least that is how I have been. I can't wait to follow your pregnancy!

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"Jenn0113" wrote:

And honestly, if you are anything like me, you will worry way less this time. This is a total gift from God and you can't deny that. I mean really, when in a million years did you ever think you would DTD and get pg without even trying for months/years or without going to the RE? And being your second you will be way more laid back about stuff you were worried about when you were pg with Jordan. At least that is how I have been. I can't wait to follow your pregnancy!

Sure can't!

I was convinced I was not going to get pregnant again w/o help. I know we had much better luck than some since our first IUI worked but it took a lot of work just to get there. I guess you get used to the idea that getting pregnant is a lot more work than just an evening of fun. Wink I do hope I can keep the worrying under control. So far, one day down, I'm doing pretty well, lol.