It's impossible to be a good mother and wife while being a high risk OB patient. Impossible.
I was having contractions last night and had to leave the dinner table to lay down. They continued for a while so Jason had to get Jordan ready for bed without me. Jordan cried briefly when she realized I wasn't going to help with her bath. Then today, I've been very achy and feeling what I interpret as pressure down low. I've been having the pain for a while, some days worse than others and I'm fairly certain it's some degree of SPD. I'm not sure if I'm so paranoid that I think I feel pressure but that's what it seems like to me. I think I recall feeling that last time as well, especially when I had all of the pain when walking, and everything always checked out okay. But this time I have a toddler that I have to take care of. I do not have the option to lay on the couch and take it easy all day.
My house is a mess and Jason is having to take on so much. The worst part is feeling like I'm not caring for Jordan like I want to. Or myself. At times I feel like she needs me and I cannot be there for her. Other times I feel like I really need to lay down but I have to feed Jordan or get her down for a nap. Right now she is in her room crying (supposed to be napping) and I want to go back in and rock her but I need to take care of myself. How do I take care of us both? Nora needs to be taken care of. I need to be taken care of. Jordan needs to be taken care of. It's impossible to do all of these things.
My mom has offered to come stay with me if that is what I need to do. I'm starting to feel like I might need her here but it's such an extreme step to take. They live three hours away and that would leave my dad there by himself. They have a lot of traveling coming up on the weekends and that would put a big burden on them to work around all of that.
Meanwhile Jordan is still in her room, crying... I think I need to go tend to her.