RQOTD - Wednesday

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Last seen: 1 year 5 months ago
Joined: 06/10/07
Posts: 1692
RQOTD - Wednesday

Have you had the talk with your parent(s)/IL(s) as to what they would like in the future for care? Do you know what their hope or plan is? Does anyone here already know that they'll be living with you at some point? Does anyone know that they'd like to be in assisted living or nursing home? Or with another family member? Or has this not even come up yet? If this has not come up yet, have you talked to your dh about it? Do you two seem to be on the same page?

alwayssmile's picture
Last seen: 2 years 10 months ago
Joined: 08/26/07
Posts: 14483

My parents know that living with us in the future is not an option - at least not while DH is active duty. I told my sister that she's it or we need to put them in assisted living or something one day. Thankfully our parents are young still and have another 10 years of working and plan to retire along the gulf coast. I know they'd willingly go into assisted living one day if need be - question is where. The city they're in I would NEVER leave them in and who knows where my sister will be since she's just 18 and her boyfriend/finance (status is debated since there's no ring and my dad said no lol) is active duty Navy. No one in either side of their families died young (unless something tragic like being shot, car accident, smoking oneself to death, etc), so they could easily have another 25 years left of good active health thankfully. We've talked about their future with them, but there's absolutely nothing they want to agree to and I wouldn't want them to at this point since there's too many what-ifs.
My husband's parents refuse to move or go anywhere as long as they're both alive. I think if one were to pass away, the other could be persuaded to live with DH's brother. He has the space, the income, and doesn't move like the rest of us. He's told us before that he'd gladly take them in but they refuse. They're in the 70s, so hopefully we've got a bit more time still, but FILs health is declining slowly but visibly.

Lavender444's picture
Last seen: 3 years 10 months ago
Joined: 03/27/03
Posts: 1944

This sounds horrible, but I really hope I'm not the one to have to make any decisions. I'm not sure what my parents wishes are. My oldest sister is much closer to both my Mom and Dad than the rest of us so I hope she takes the lead. I love them both, but I also would not want to take them in. Now I feel like an awful daughter. My parents are awesome, I just really hope and expect my sister to take the lead.

mommyvolc's picture
Last seen: 3 years 6 months ago
Joined: 03/22/07
Posts: 1296

My sister and I have decided to share custody of my parents, lol. No, we both have room for them and are willing to have them come. When is up to them. If they need it, we will talk to them about assisted living, but we'd prefer to have them come to live with us at that stage. My mother is terrified of nursing homes, so if it ever comes to that, it will be a battle. Her mom had early onset parkinsons and spent 20 years in one, so she is totally against living in one. My MIL has plans to live with her girlfriends once her DH (my DH's stepdad) passes away. He is 15 years older and in declining health. She is also willing to live with us, if and when the time comes...but if it comes to that then my folks will have to go to my sisters. We shall see. I know that Cheryl (my sis) is the executer of my parents estate and that Brent (my DH's SB) is executer of my ILs. I am in charge of my MILs side of things, as neither my DH (brain injury) or BIL (general inability to manage his own life) are in a position to do so.


AshnBill's picture
Last seen: 2 years 7 months ago
Joined: 11/06/06
Posts: 5333

No, we haven't had this talk for my parents anyways. Not sure if dh's family has, I don't think so, and if they have than I haven't heard about it. Lol