I would send them a card for each baby - but in the same envelope. I think that twins often end up with only one memory box, so I think its important to acknowledge them separately as well as together. I think a congratulations on the birth of you daughter card and a sympathy card is appropriate. When one of my bff's lost a baby, I bought a little engraveable star ornament and had the baby's initials and date inscribed in it. She put it in the nursery and now they hang it on their christmas tree. Its a little fairly discrete way of them acknowledging their lost child.
me and DH 09/06/05
Alicia Marie 07/06/08
David John Courtenay 14/10/09
DSDs Portia 2001 Lexi 1999 Cassondra 1989
This stinks, you guys. I just can't seem to keep it together. I'm so devastated for them. I'm sad for the loss of Baby B, I'm sad for the future hurdles that are still yet to come for Baby A, I'm sad because this is bringing back how difficult Andrew's NICU stay was on me. My heart hurts.
Tomorrow, I'm watching their other little girl while they spend the day at the hospital. I've already broke down with them on the phone, while they remained strong. I really hope I can hold it together tomorrow while they are here. I hope you don't mind me venting here so I can remain composed infront of them.
Talk here anytime, Amber. That's what we are for.
How is Baby A currently doing? I know a lot can change in one day and I don't want to make any assumptions.
I also like the ornament idea. I would probably get a sympathy card for the second baby and do the ornament or something similar. I would get a congratulations card for Baby A and also a thinking of you card for them. Maybe write to them in it and offer up some additional support as they remain in NICU and beyond. I don't know. Although they are twins I would acknowledge them both separately since they've had to say goodbye to one.
The good news is Baby A is doing fantastic, for a 26 weeker. She at 1lbs 7 oz, which is 2 oz away from her birth weight. She was able to come off the vent and has been on CPAP for the last few days. They've started giving her very small amounts of breastmilk and she is tolerating that well. She is doing better than the doctors expectations.
When they dropped their older daughter off this morning, they said they got some of the autopsy reports back and Baby B's issues were all caused from the placenta not functioning properly. There were a lot of clots throughout the cord and placenta. THey have not looked at all her organs just yet, but they expect to find them all not functional and full of clots. They sent it to the best neonatal pathologist we have in hopes of fiiguring out what is causing the placenta issues (their older DD was born at 35 weeks with IUGR due to a faulty placenta as well). They would like to have a big family, so the hope is that they can find some sort of drug therapy that can help with future pregnancies .
I am just amazed at how well they are holding up. Their strength is just amazing.
I hesitate to recommend the tree/plant idea. When we lost our baby, we were send a plant from my work. We struggle to keep it alive, as if if we let it die we are failing all over again. I think cut flowers are better because nobody expects them to last forever.
What do you guys think of a Mother's necklace? Something with all 3 girls names on them like this
Or maybe, like this. Something a little more discrete. So if she doesn't want to talk about it, it doesn't invoke as many questions.
I love the first necklace. She may not want to talk about her lost child at first, but I think later she'll appreciate the opportunity to use this necklace as a conversation starter.
I'm so bad with this sort of thing, I am glad others are more helpful. I just wanted to say that you can talk here anytime, you know that. It's so hard to hear of anyone loosing a child, especially when it hits close to home, for whatever reason. I'm also glad to hear that Baby A is doing well.