Would love some tips

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Kayla1981's picture
Joined: 01/04/07
Posts: 1529
Would love some tips

Diaper changes go like this-

It starts out by my telling her it's time to change her diaper and she runs away. I've tried just waiting her out but that doesn't work. One morning I told her she couldn't have breakfast until she had a clean diaper and we didn't eat for 30 minutes. In the end I just had to force the issue. Which brings me to my second problem. When she doesn't want to be changed (which is 3 out of 4 times), she kicks me. This is not okay, especially with me being pregnant. One day she did get a good kick at my stomach and I was really upset about that.

I've tried being stern and telling her kicking hurts. I've tried rewarding her with stickers or my phone. Those occasionally work but when she is in a stubborn mood, nothing will convince her to come to me. Well, maybe chocolate but I'm not sure I want to have a child who expects chocolate at every change.

Jason is fed up with it and as much as I've told him I don't want to spank anymore, he feels like that is what we have to do. Then I get upset, he gets upset, Jordan is still kicking...

This has been going on for months and the more pregnant I get, the less patience I have for this. Please, throw any suggestions you have my way. I'm all ears.

Oh, and just want to mention that the potty is not an option yet. I don't feel like she is ready and I'm not prepared to attempt that with my due date getting closer and closer.

a's girl's picture
Joined: 06/10/07
Posts: 1008

Sorry I am not much help. I had to give Alison a smack on the bum one time and after that diaper changes are no big deal.

Good luck!!!! And Jordan...no kicking mommy or Nora!!!!

AshnBill's picture
Joined: 11/06/06
Posts: 5333

I don't know, Kayla. I haven't dealt with that, and I'm not one to spank either.

What about going to the store and letting her pick out a special toy, but she can ONLY play with it during diaper changes. Or give her one of those no-spill bubble cups and she could blow a few bubbles while you're changing her?

alwayssmile's picture
Joined: 08/26/07
Posts: 14483

I give DS a spray bottle with water that I use to wet down his cloth wipes. He sprays his face and the walls and me, but he stops fighting the diaper change. DS never willingly goes to get changed, so I just corner him and throw him up on his changing pad (which here is in the laundry room on a counter). Not really sure about the kicking other than remind her soft touches only.
Does she just not want to stop whatever she's doing you think? That's what most Aiden's fits for diaper changes come from. He doesn't want to stop whatever he's doing.

Lavender444's picture
Joined: 03/27/03
Posts: 1944

What I would do is make it clear that she is to behave during diaper changes, When it's time to change her. Take her there, regardless of her objections to it. If she kicks or hits, firmly grab her leg to stop the kicking and tell her sternly, "Jordan, NO! You do not kick" Then continue on with your business. I honestly, at her age would just keep repeating that. Getting more stern and putting her face to face with you and say, "Jordan, kicking hurts. We do NOT kick" I'm sure it will take several time to get her to stop but be sure you correct the behavior each and every time.

I know Jordan and Andrew have a lot of similar traits. If I give Andrew an inch he will take a mile. So, I have to be really careful to correct behavior as it happens each and every time. I also find it's really important for me to stay calm and collected. If I find myself getting angry, I move to time outs. More so I get a break.

Good luck! I'm sure this is just a phase and it will end soon. I hope you can find the right tool to put a stop to it sooner.

Joined: 06/10/07
Posts: 1692

"Lavender444" wrote:

What I would do is make it clear that she is to behave during diaper changes, When it's time to change her. Take her there, regardless of her objections to it. If she kicks or hits, firmly grab her leg to stop the kicking and tell her sternly, "Jordan, NO! You do not kick" Then continue on with your business. I honestly, at her age would just keep repeating that. Getting more stern and putting her face to face with you and say, "Jordan, kicking hurts. We do NOT kick" I'm sure it will take several time to get her to stop but be sure you correct the behavior each and every time.

This is what I do. Good luck, Kayla!

Cali26's picture
Joined: 02/01/07
Posts: 1040

I'm in the anti-spanking camp for many reasons. I like the advice you've already received.

I agree with the others:
1. Set clear expectations
2. Set clear rules

Continue with changing the diaper!

I'd provide her with a distraction as well during the diaper change... a positive reinforcement that incorporates positive attention from mom or dad.

Ultimately, I'd try to determine what she is getting out of kicking you (does she like the attention she is getting even though it is negative? does she want to be in control? does she not like the process? etc...) and from there come up with additional strategies....

mommyvolc's picture
Joined: 03/22/07
Posts: 1296

I think you've gotten great advice. The only other thing I can think of is when she runs, my DD does that too...its a bit of a game for her and she knows that she gets to run once...and I will wait for her to come around a corner but once I catch her, games up and its time to get changed...we did this when she was wearing diapers and now its just for changing clothes...but the principal is the same. With DJ, he is allowed to bring whatever he is playing with that he doesn't want to leave when its time for diaper changes. As for the kicking, I agree...firm no nonsense STOP. If that doesn't work, time out.

Nicole

Joined: 04/09/06
Posts: 1244

"Cali26" wrote:

I'm in the anti-spanking camp for many reasons. I like the advice you've already received.

I agree with the others:
1. Set clear expectations
2. Set clear rules

Continue with changing the diaper!

I'd provide her with a distraction as well during the diaper change... a positive reinforcement that incorporates positive attention from mom or dad.

Ultimately, I'd try to determine what she is getting out of kicking you (does she like the attention she is getting even though it is negative? does she want to be in control? does she not like the process? etc...) and from there come up with additional strategies....

Yes, this! We have times where the girls refuse diaper changes. Usually, it is because they do not want to stop playing or because they know it means they have to put on their pajamas. We just try to be very firm with our expectations. We allow them to keep or play with whatever they want during diaper changes in order to make it a happier experience. I would try to find a way to stop power struggling with her over it. Let her have some control. Does she want to go to a different location or stay where she is to get her diaper changed? You can ask her and see what she does.

As for the kicking, I would be very firm. I think it is important for her to know that her feet need to stay on the ground. Don't just tell her don't kick. She needs to know where her feet need to be. When she makes it through a diaper change without fighting and kicking, make a big deal out of it. Have a diaper change party with singing and high fives! Here is one thing I do know...she will not do this forever and spanking will do nothing to help the situation. It definitely will not teach Jordan what behavior you want to see from her. This stage is very hard. HUGS! I love this website. http://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/positive-discipline/Parenting-Strong-Willed-Child (Athough, I think #6 on this list is an extreme example to make a point....I do believe that we need to show our children respect and help them learn to make good choices instead of demanding that they are just obedient...this is hard for me because I was raised in a "because I said so" environment) We are working hard on positive parenting in our house. It is a work in progress. I am not sure what I think about not using time outs, so we still use them. However, there are for serious infractions at our house.

Since Jordan just turned two, I think you are right about potty training. We just started working on sitting on the potty at specific times during the day. We are not potty training yet. I am sure someone would call it potty training, but really it is just sitting on the potty. We are not making them go every hour or doing anything special. However, my girls are 28 months and showing some signs of being ready to make that transition. I think 24 month is too young for most kids.

Kayla1981's picture
Joined: 01/04/07
Posts: 1529

I appreciate everyone taking the time to give their two cents. One simple thing I've changed is I sit beside her instead of at her feet. It's actually easier b/c I don't have to lean over as much and at least I'm not right where her feet will go if she does kick.

"AshnBill" wrote:

What about going to the store and letting her pick out a special toy, but she can ONLY play with it during diaper changes. Or give her one of those no-spill bubble cups and she could blow a few bubbles while you're changing her?

I have done that in the past but at some point the toy was not a novelty anymore and stopped working. :/ It's helpful but only for so long, unfortunately.

"Lavender444" wrote:

What I would do is make it clear that she is to behave during diaper changes, When it's time to change her. Take her there, regardless of her objections to it. If she kicks or hits, firmly grab her leg to stop the kicking and tell her sternly, "Jordan, NO! You do not kick" Then continue on with your business. I honestly, at her age would just keep repeating that. Getting more stern and putting her face to face with you and say, "Jordan, kicking hurts. We do NOT kick" I'm sure it will take several time to get her to stop but be sure you correct the behavior each and every time.

I know Jordan and Andrew have a lot of similar traits. If I give Andrew an inch he will take a mile. So, I have to be really careful to correct behavior as it happens each and every time. I also find it's really important for me to stay calm and collected. If I find myself getting angry, I move to time outs. More so I get a break.

This is exactly what I do. She is just so darn persistent. She actually will laugh, even when I'm stern. She is not one of those kids who gets their feelings hurt by being told no. I asked her Pediatrician about it to today to see if he had any other suggestions and he gave the same advice. I agree about giving an inch and them taking a mile. Jordan is definitely at the stage of testing boundaries and listening to me is not really something she wants to do a lot of the time.

"Cali26" wrote:

I'm in the anti-spanking camp for many reasons. I like the advice you've already received.

I agree with the others:
1. Set clear expectations
2. Set clear rules

Continue with changing the diaper!

I'd provide her with a distraction as well during the diaper change... a positive reinforcement that incorporates positive attention from mom or dad.

Ultimately, I'd try to determine what she is getting out of kicking you (does she like the attention she is getting even though it is negative? does she want to be in control? does she not like the process? etc...) and from there come up with additional strategies....

I've tried doing silly songs, fun videos on the phone, etc. They do help sometimes. I think she does it mostly for attention but she gets SO MUCH of my attention already! I also know that she enjoys being in control. Of course I think that is totally normal for a toddler but obviously it's not okay to kick.

"mommyvolc" wrote:

I think you've gotten great advice. The only other thing I can think of is when she runs, my DD does that too...its a bit of a game for her and she knows that she gets to run once...and I will wait for her to come around a corner but once I catch her, games up and its time to get changed...we did this when she was wearing diapers and now its just for changing clothes...but the principal is the same. With DJ, he is allowed to bring whatever he is playing with that he doesn't want to leave when its time for diaper changes. As for the kicking, I agree...firm no nonsense STOP. If that doesn't work, time out.

Nicole

Yes, Jordan loves it when we have to chase her. It's especially fun when you are pregnant and trying to pull a toddler out from under the table.

"melnzai" wrote:

I would try to find a way to stop power struggling with her over it. Let her have some control. Does she want to go to a different location or stay where she is to get her diaper changed? You can ask her and see what she does.

I do like this idea. I changed her on the couch twice today and she just went with it. Thanks!