3 years...and waiting...

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Joined: 01/12/13
Posts: 2
3 years...and waiting...

My husand and I have been trying for 3 years now, all during that time we have watched all 4 of his sisters have babies and many of our close friends as well. I've stopped going to baby showers because its too hard to deal with. The hardest part of our journey is the continued waiting period every month. I have received a lot of the same words over and again, wishing they would stop saying "it will happen when it happens". I have read many books, articles, websites and taken the advice of many friends who now are pregnant or just had their first. Does it ever get easier to watch the world you want go by without breaking down?
Any advice on keeping my head up each month? It doesn't seem to get any easier...

JustMeNHim's picture
Joined: 12/10/12
Posts: 76

I want to start by saying welcome to the board, it is a great place to vent, for resources, and most importantly for support!! You're in the right place. Smile

My DH and I have been trying for over five years now, and while I believe everyone's journey, emotions, etc are different, I can say for us, over time, it has gotten easier. Now two years ago, had you asked me that, I wouldn't say the same thing. Our marriage has struggled, my relationships with friends and family has suffered, it has been one of the hardest things I've ever gone through in my entire life. But we fought through it. We took a two year hiatus where we didn't even discuss it. And then suddenly, here we are, ready to fight for it again. I still have my days. I think about growing old and having no one to take care of me. I grew up in a large family, with three siblings, it was always loud and noisy... something was always going on. I want that, I miss that. And I do still struggle, but it does get easier to deal with.

We never did go see a counselor, but it was suggested. I am sure, clinically, I would have been (maybe still am) diagnosed with depression and probably could some medication to help, but that was scary for me to think about too. But, it might be something worth looking in to for you guys.

For us, here we are 5 1/2 years later, and we have great hope, probably stronger now than ever! So don't give up hope, hang in there and don't forget to take care of yourselves in the meantime Wink

We're here for you anytime! :openarms:

mom2robbie's picture
Joined: 01/20/07
Posts: 2541

Hugs and welcome to the group. We totally understand where you are coming from. It took 5 years trying for our son and then 5 years more for our second baby which I m/c at 12 weeks. I have had PCOS since I was 16 so I knew it would be hard but not as hard as it turned out to be. Infertility has definitely strained our marriage and my relationship with my siblings - I am youngest of 10 and the only one with fertility issues. We recently gave up trying, I was doing a cycle of IUI with injectables but had an anaphlaxis reaction to the meds. I am now 43 and we are moving on to adoption.

Does it get easier? In some ways. I no longer cry when I hear of one of my nieces or friends being pregnant. My heart still aches for another child. I am slowly giving away baby stuff I have collected so that I do not have to see it.

smsturner's picture
Joined: 05/11/09
Posts: 1303

Hi. We have been trying for over three years also. It's very hard. My best friend had an accidental baby last year at 39. It put a strain on the friendship for sure. And my ex had a baby with some chick he hooked up with at a new years party last august. That was hard.

It has been hard on our marriage at times. Mostly because of me and my guilt, because they are my issues.

It gets easier and harder to take in cycles for me. Sometimes better, sometimes worse.

"janny777" wrote:

I have received a lot of the same words over and again, wishing they would stop saying "it will happen when it happens".

People don't realize how insensitive they are being. "It will happen when it's meant to." Or "everything happens for a reason". Or my least favorite, "if you just relax, it'll happen". I HATE hearing these from people who mean well. It makes me want to slap them every time. I'm really not sure THAT will ever go away! Sad

Feel free to come by whenever you need support. We all have been there and know what you are feeling Smile

JustMeNHim's picture
Joined: 12/10/12
Posts: 76

"smsturner" wrote:

"if you just relax, it'll happen". I HATE hearing these from people who mean well. It makes me want to slap them every time. I'm really not sure THAT will ever go away! Sad

This is SOOOO annoying!!!! And I use to hear that all the time... And still do! People have NO idea what they're talking about and before ever saying anything like that, they should stop and consider their words! Grrrrr!

Joined: 01/12/13
Posts: 2

Thank you... your words really helped me and made me smile. I dont think anyone outside of this can ever really know what is going on inside. My mom and sister know exactly where I am right now. I knew it would probably be hard for me to get pregnant as issues run on my moms side, but I never thought it would be this hard. Their love and support and funny words of wisdom have kept me grounded. And it really helps to have a fully supportive husband who doesn't get crazy like I do each month. Smile

combatcutie's picture
Joined: 04/04/07
Posts: 2245

DH & I have been trying for 8 yrs. We did 4 yrs of fertility treatments and we are just leaving it in God's hands. It is very hard to watch others have children. One thing that helped me the most was going to counseling. I was able to talk about it and finally realize that I am not a failure b/c I can't get pregnant and my DH loves me with or without having a child. I wish you the best of luck. I am a pm away if you ever need to talk

Lizbet22's picture
Joined: 04/01/09
Posts: 2859

Hi and welcome!

I am sorry your journey has brought you to us..but also glad to have a new face to share a pot of coffee with and get to know.

People just don't think.
We all have stories of what people say to us.
And each story grates!!

But I have to say I feel sorry for them really...because when something comes too easily it can be too easy to take it for granted!
At least thats one thing we will NEVER do!!!