4 Years ago today...

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smsturner's picture
Joined: 05/11/09
Posts: 1303
4 Years ago today...

I officially tossed my birth control pills with the blessing of my dr.

I usually call it our infertil-aversary, just to make it sound less upsetting than it really is. Maybe it's not normal for me to track it and mark the years as they go by? Or at least not healthy?

Tom and I wanted two together babies when we got married five years ago. By now we could have been bringing home a second. But we are still desperately trying to just have one. Sometimes I really kick myself for not admitting there was a problem. Or being more aggressive with treatments. Or being afraid to start trying meds to help us.

I don't know. I just know it's been four freaking years. No baby. And it's my fault. Sometimes I feel like screaming and crying and hitting something all at once.

So I'm feeling b!tchy today. I'm sorry. Sad

Audgee's picture
Joined: 08/24/05
Posts: 305

((hugs)) It sucks......and you're not alone. March 28th 2005 - first day of my first cycle off BC

Have kicked myself many times for the same reasons.

Be *****y - you've earned the right in ways many people don't understand/appreciate - but here we get it!

Lizbet22's picture
Joined: 04/01/09
Posts: 2859

Susan!!!!
Don't blame yourself!!!!!!
It's been a long journey I know but now you are actively doing all those things!!!!
Maybe someone should have pushed you and helped you more.
I know it's easier said then done.

I am so so sorry you feel so bad at the moment... But you are entitled to!!!
You feel how you feel... It's not a choice you have!!!

I hope it gets easier for you AND more importantly.. 2014 brings you all your dreams!!!
I think it will be an amazing year for you!!!

Huge huge hugs
Xxxxx

raingirl28's picture
Joined: 09/03/07
Posts: 1347

*hugs* I know how you feel. I just hit our 6 year mark 2 weeks ago. I wish we had gone in sooner as well, but I believe things happen the way they are supposed to happen.

mom2robbie's picture
Joined: 01/20/07
Posts: 2541

Hugs. I know how you feel. It has been 7 years since I was on BCP (well, until this past January). Both Sean and I get angry that we did not push things sooner, we knew my age and pcos were not going to help things. Actually we had pretty much given up hope when I got pregnant with Bailey, and that was 5 years without birth control of any kind. Infertility is rough and all of us in this group understand it too well. Feel free to whine about it. We are here to support you.

Hugs.

combatcutie's picture
Joined: 04/04/07
Posts: 2133

{{HUGS}} I sucks that good people have to go through this while others are having them left and right. Just remember, you are not the reason why. Yes, you could have done meds, but that isn't a guarantee....trust me. I did 4 years of meds and I didn't get pregnant once. If you ever need to talk, I am only a pm or email away

smsturner's picture
Joined: 05/11/09
Posts: 1303

Thank you all so much. You always make me feel loved, and so much less crazy.

I hate being angry or bitter about it all. I'm trying not to become that way. Sad

dreamchaser's picture
Joined: 01/31/07
Posts: 681

We began ttc 9 years ago when we got married. We spent years doing fertility treatments. It is not your fault at all!! Please don't blame yourself. I know too well the frustration and heartbreak. All of us here do. *HUGS* I hope today you are feeling better.