answers from the doc, MC ment

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kadibug's picture
Joined: 07/17/11
Posts: 247
answers from the doc, MC ment

i got news from the doc today on the baby's chromosomal work up. it had trisomy 18. it wouldn't have lived to term or died shortly there after.

i feel relief and some closure but i am still so very sad! all that time ttc... 2 m/c's the first year ttc... over one year after them, finally pg... and this is my end result.

i'm really stuck in the "why me?!" mode.

i just want a freakin baby. come on.

mrs.doolittle's picture
Joined: 02/18/08
Posts: 1335

:bigarmhug: I am so sorry.

Joined: 11/02/11
Posts: 56

:bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug:

kadibug's picture
Joined: 07/17/11
Posts: 247

i am a bit disappointed that no one is reading or posting on this. the chromosomal work up was such a huge part of this experience for me - to know why you baby was going to die... people post on the most random things on here, but when it really matters to me - they are no where to be heard from. maybe if someone else on here has been through a loss of a baby with b/d of a major defect, they would relate better and be more compassionate.

i feel so lost and away from support. i wish i knew where to go for better support and understanding. i'm hurt.

kadibug's picture
Joined: 07/17/11
Posts: 247

and yes - mrs.doolittle and hope2bmommy1212 - thank you for posting something. i means a lot to me right now.

Joined: 02/24/11
Posts: 1651

Kadibug i just saw this since i have been giving pg.org a break im glad you found out what the cause of your lo death was .. Could genetic abnormalities be the cause of the previous mc? DO you and DH have to have genetic testing before ttc again ?

Joined: 07/26/04
Posts: 1595

I'm so sorry you are upset with us about not positing. I can assure you that we can all relate in one way or another. I've been off and on lately, as I know others have been as well for significant reasons. I don't think it's fair to state whether or not we are posting on other things and not yours. We are all like a family here. There have been times where I have posted and have gotten little responses.

I am terribly sorry to hear about the mc but at least you have some answers now. Wishing you the very best and hopefully you will get a BFP very soon.

Joined: 05/05/07
Posts: 366

I wanted to post when I first saw this, but didnt know if my words were ones you wanted to hear. I just saw your follow up and knew I needed to post.

Ive been thinking about you a lot. It is bittersweet to hear you got your closure and what exactly was going on, but still so sad it had to be like this. I still hope you get your miracle baby.

For whatever its worth, by husbands oldest brother was born and died with Trisomy 18 in 1976. They did not know until he was born, since they didnt do ultrasounds or other testing at that point. It was my MILs first child after 5 years of IF. She went on to have 2 more healthy children from 77-89. I hope that you get a success story too!

Still thinking about you.

Joined: 03/02/07
Posts: 473

I am sorry to hear of your loss, and also sorry you were longing for more support you did not get from your post. Thank you for bringing it up, actually. It is a good reminder for everyone that so many people on here are going through hard times, and it does make a difference when you are responded to when reaching out for some support, even when you might not have any specific experience/advice. I have not been through anything similar to your experience as my losses have been very early. I cannot imagine the heartbreak, especially when TTC has been so difficult.

I just recently stepped over here to 2+ years. Sorry you are back to TTC again, but I do hope you can find support here, as well as some of the other boards as I have found.

kadibug's picture
Joined: 07/17/11
Posts: 247

yeah. i've calmed down since posting my disappointment. i don't regret posting it. it's how i feel/felt.

overthemoon - you are so right! we all tend to support/respond to those we relate to the most. i do the same thing! in the process we can overlook those who might need us, regardless of what level of support we feel we can offer them.

i suppose i just learned a lesson myself. support everyone, no matter what.

kadibug's picture
Joined: 07/17/11
Posts: 247

"MrsV2B" wrote:

Kadibug i just saw this since i have been giving pg.org a break im glad you found out what the cause of your lo death was .. Could genetic abnormalities be the cause of the previous mc? DO you and DH have to have genetic testing before ttc again ?

since trisomy is suppose to be sporadic, the doc said we don't need to have a genetic screening. i see the RE tomorrow and will find out his take on having a genetic screening. i am suspicious that my hardships getting pg and staying pg might be due to some genetic factor. thanks for asking.

kadibug's picture
Joined: 07/17/11
Posts: 247

"Pharmer25" wrote:

I wanted to post when I first saw this, but didnt know if my words were ones you wanted to hear. I just saw your follow up and knew I needed to post.

Ive been thinking about you a lot. It is bittersweet to hear you got your closure and what exactly was going on, but still so sad it had to be like this. I still hope you get your miracle baby.

For whatever its worth, by husbands oldest brother was born and died with Trisomy 18 in 1976. They did not know until he was born, since they didnt do ultrasounds or other testing at that point. It was my MILs first child after 5 years of IF. She went on to have 2 more healthy children from 77-89. I hope that you get a success story too!

Still thinking about you.

i know my situation makes others unsure of how to respond. thanks for writing.

it's encouraging to hear about your MIL's experience. it was so very hard to know my baby had trisomy 18 at 11 weeks, i can imagine finding out at birth! most tri18 don't make it to birth, so that was a miracle in itself. i know having a tri18 repeat is very low, about 1%... but then again, that was the odds of a tri18 this last time! i'm anxious to ttc but very scared now.

kduncan2897's picture
Joined: 02/21/08
Posts: 924

:lurk:

I am so sorry you're going through all this but glad you now have some answers and don't have to wonder anymore. I hope your BFP comes soon and you get to take a baby home as a result! :bighug: to you and your DH.

Joined: 11/15/11
Posts: 3

One of our children had trisomy 18 and we lost her at 12 weeks along :(. ((((HUGS))) We have had many healthy children since then. If you want details feel free to pm me. I'm so very sorry for your losses.

Joined: 11/02/11
Posts: 56

I didn't post anythimg other than the hugs because for 1 I've nnever been thru it, I did the hugs to show I supported you, but I can never find the words to say something comforting to a mother who has lost a Child, let alone someone who has struggled to have a child. So I'm soory I didn't say more, but that's all I could do. I do support you and were all in this together thru the goos and the bad...

kadibug's picture
Joined: 07/17/11
Posts: 247

thanks again for the support. i have decided to get counseling. it was pretty lame to expect so much support from a forum... seriously, kate? i have friends, but they are guys (mostly gay) and i will admit that i feel really alone.

dh and i are getting genetic screening done. re thinks getting that checked out would be wise to do before our next iui. since so many people are infertile in dh's fam, we're hoping to get some answers - even if they are bad. before the baby, i was scheduled for a lap. i think i'll get that scheduled again, too.

i'm still so crushed.

kadibug's picture
Joined: 07/17/11
Posts: 247

"ne prairiemama" wrote:

One of our children had trisomy 18 and we lost her at 12 weeks along :(. ((((HUGS))) We have had many healthy children since then. If you want details feel free to pm me. I'm so very sorry for your losses.

thanks for putting this. did you have IF before the tri18? did you have m/c before the tri18? i feel like my luck was so very very bad.

DannyT's picture
Joined: 09/11/11
Posts: 881

Kadibug you deserve all the love and support we can give. I have been on an off with my own surgery and loss but that is no excuse. My heart is with you as I walk down the why me path too. I don't know what to say but you are in my prayers.

Lizbet22's picture
Joined: 04/01/09
Posts: 2859

I am sorry that I have come in late.
I have been an awful mod and friend. I am sorry.
My nov bub was tri 16 I believe and I was told it was the most common cause if m/c
I am now waiting on the cause of my most recent so I get where you ate coming from.

How are you baring up now?
I know how hard it all is and I am sorry you felt we were unsupportive.
I personally have been a little too wrapped up in me.
It won't happen again.
Sorry my love
Xxxxx