Well ladies, a lot has happened in the past month and it's hard to type all what I'm feeling right now but I'm going to try. I've come to say good-bye to all you wonderful ladies that I have met over the past 3 years and that I hope one day you all are blessed with beautiful healthy babies that you so deserve. :bigarmhug:
Unfortunately, for me, this isn't and was never my time for a family of my own with the person who I thought was suppose to be my soulmate and partner for life.
After almost 4 years of trying and a lot of stress, heartache and disappointment, Brent & I have decided to separate and end our relationship of 7 years. Over the years, I haven't felt much like a common-law partner or significant other as we put it. We've drifted apart and it takes 2 people to make a relationship work and it's hard to make it work when the other partner isn't willing to even try or put the effort into it. I was tired of being alone and lonely when I'm suppose to have a significant other in my life who was never around for me physically or emotionally. I want someone in my life that appreciates me, respects me and can love me for me and that wasn't him anymore. He stopped showing all signs of affection and love for me and TTC turned into "one night-stands" and that's not how I wanted to start a family. It was turning into me begging him to spend time with me and I shouldn't have to beg the man I love to spend any time with me, he should WANT to spend time with me and he wouldn't. He started going out again every night and most nights wasn't even coming home and wasn't calling me to let me know. I will never be his "#1" in his life, everything else is more important to him than me and I can't live the rest of my life this way anymore.
As of right now, I'm currently moving out. It hasn't been easy at all as I'm leaving behind the house we bought together and the house that I have been trying to make our home for the past 4 years. I'm having to leave behind my dog, Kody, as I most likely will be moving into an apartment in 2-3 weeks time. We can't even come to an agreement on visitation for Kody and it's breaking my heart to have to walk away from him because he has been there more for me over the past few years than Brent ever has been and I've been there for Kody more than Brent has ever been as well. H*ck, I pay for the dog, he should be MINE!
I wish I had more close friends to talk to, to have a shoulder to cry on but I don't. Most people don't understand this at all as most of my friends have a loving, affectionate partner who is there for them physically & emotionally everyday -- I don't know what that is like at all. I'm heartbroken but I know it will get better over time and maybe one day I will find the one person who is meant to be with me and only me.
I currently have de-activated my facebook account because I'm not ready to share with the rest of the world our news -- though Brent has gone spreading it around on his facebook (probably looking for sympathy when he did this to himself) and tonight I had a very awkward surprise visit from his mother. Basically, she made me feel like a toad, like it was all my fault this is happening and that she could tell I'm unhappy. It was totally un-called for in my eyes. I never did anything to deserve this kind of treatment, I basically WANT more in life and Brent can't give me more at all because he doesn't care or love me the sameway and it has shown over the past 2 years maybe even more.
Anyways, good-bye, good-luck, maybe I'll be back in afew years, who knows. For now, I'm just going to move on with my life and start a new chapter. :bigarmhug: