Coming to say good-bye

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hwunnie_bwunnie83's picture
Joined: 01/26/08
Posts: 140
Coming to say good-bye

Well ladies, a lot has happened in the past month and it's hard to type all what I'm feeling right now but I'm going to try. I've come to say good-bye to all you wonderful ladies that I have met over the past 3 years and that I hope one day you all are blessed with beautiful healthy babies that you so deserve. :bigarmhug:

Unfortunately, for me, this isn't and was never my time for a family of my own with the person who I thought was suppose to be my soulmate and partner for life. Sad
After almost 4 years of trying and a lot of stress, heartache and disappointment, Brent & I have decided to separate and end our relationship of 7 years. Sad Over the years, I haven't felt much like a common-law partner or significant other as we put it. We've drifted apart and it takes 2 people to make a relationship work and it's hard to make it work when the other partner isn't willing to even try or put the effort into it. I was tired of being alone and lonely when I'm suppose to have a significant other in my life who was never around for me physically or emotionally. I want someone in my life that appreciates me, respects me and can love me for me and that wasn't him anymore. He stopped showing all signs of affection and love for me and TTC turned into "one night-stands" and that's not how I wanted to start a family. It was turning into me begging him to spend time with me and I shouldn't have to beg the man I love to spend any time with me, he should WANT to spend time with me and he wouldn't. He started going out again every night and most nights wasn't even coming home and wasn't calling me to let me know. I will never be his "#1" in his life, everything else is more important to him than me and I can't live the rest of my life this way anymore.

As of right now, I'm currently moving out. It hasn't been easy at all as I'm leaving behind the house we bought together and the house that I have been trying to make our home for the past 4 years. I'm having to leave behind my dog, Kody, as I most likely will be moving into an apartment in 2-3 weeks time. We can't even come to an agreement on visitation for Kody and it's breaking my heart to have to walk away from him because he has been there more for me over the past few years than Brent ever has been and I've been there for Kody more than Brent has ever been as well. H*ck, I pay for the dog, he should be MINE!

I wish I had more close friends to talk to, to have a shoulder to cry on but I don't. Most people don't understand this at all as most of my friends have a loving, affectionate partner who is there for them physically & emotionally everyday -- I don't know what that is like at all. I'm heartbroken but I know it will get better over time and maybe one day I will find the one person who is meant to be with me and only me.

I currently have de-activated my facebook account because I'm not ready to share with the rest of the world our news -- though Brent has gone spreading it around on his facebook (probably looking for sympathy when he did this to himself) and tonight I had a very awkward surprise visit from his mother. Basically, she made me feel like a toad, like it was all my fault this is happening and that she could tell I'm unhappy. It was totally un-called for in my eyes. I never did anything to deserve this kind of treatment, I basically WANT more in life and Brent can't give me more at all because he doesn't care or love me the sameway and it has shown over the past 2 years maybe even more.

Anyways, good-bye, good-luck, maybe I'll be back in afew years, who knows. For now, I'm just going to move on with my life and start a new chapter. :bigarmhug:

Lizbet22's picture
Joined: 04/01/09
Posts: 2859

Shannon!
Whatever I write will be insignificant!
I am so dreadfully sorry.
I wish I could be there for you...well I can so in a minute I'll pm you..
I just am at a loss for words and feel quite helpless with them.

all my thoughts and prayers are with you that you will get through this with the least amount of damage possible.

I hope that he at least becomes civil enough to make arrangements for the dog..if not...well thats just petty.
Although from what you say hes that anyway..I am sure he is hurting too but to take it out on you...

Huge hugs to you my lovely one...please stay in touch...let us know how you are doing?
Would be a shame to loose you completely.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

yipeeladybug's picture
Joined: 01/18/06
Posts: 1214

Sad *hugehugs*

I'm so sorry.

raingirl28's picture
Joined: 09/03/07
Posts: 1347

Oh my, I am so sorry to hear this. *hugs*

Men can be idiots sometimes. I'm beginning to think we should strike up and make an Amazonian society with women in charge and the men the slaves. Blum 3

I hope you are considering speaking with a lawyer. Even though you aren't married, common law has the same rights now and you are entitled to half of everything. Make sure you get back what you put in those last 4 years.

On a side note I do know how you feel. My DH acts the same way most of the time (which I believe we've pointed out before).

Do keep us informed though of how the process is going. Heck - who needs a man for a baby anymore anyway! You could always do it on your own! Smile

Best of luck and I'm so sorry. Huge hugs and I know you have a lot of courage for doing this.

mom2robbie's picture
Joined: 01/20/07
Posts: 2541

Shannon. I am so sorry to hear this. I don't know you but I wanted to say that I will be thinking of you. Definitely get in touch with a lawyer - after 1 year of being common law you are considered married by law. Also get it put on your mortgage so that he can't sell the house without you being notified.

hugs.

blissfulliss's picture
Joined: 03/03/09
Posts: 337

Oh Shannon, I am sooo sorry to hear your sad news. Sad :bigarmhug: Definitely sending prayers your way... Know that you can always come here to vent or gain support if you need it. :bigarmhug:

combatcutie's picture
Joined: 04/04/07
Posts: 2059

:bigarmhug::bigarmhug:I'm so sorry you are going through all of this. My prayers are with you. As for his mother, do not pay any attention to her. This is NOT your fault. A relationship is a 2 way street. Both of you have to give in order to receive. She is only hearing his side of the story, so don't worry what she thinks. I agree with everyone when they say contact an attorney immediately.

Joined: 07/26/04
Posts: 1595

Oh I'm so terribly sorry!!! I'm sure your future will bring you much better things.

:bighug:

clio's picture
Joined: 11/05/07
Posts: 590

Oh Shannon, this is heartbreaking news. I am so sorry. I agree with the others about a lawyer and establishing your common-law rights, and I really hope that you can work it out so you can see or keep Kody. I know exactly how much a pet can mean and how much solace they can bring.

Please keep in close contact--pg.org will feel very strange without you!

Joined: 02/24/11
Posts: 1651

I dont kno u but remember we are all here for u !! Make sure u make him pay if the mortgage is in your name u are entitled to half ! But make sure u let the bank know you are no longer there just in case he tries to be stupid and not pay ! Good luck to u and pop in once in a while to let us kno how your doing

Joined: 04/27/09
Posts: 251

:lurk:

i'm a total lurker on this board, so i apologize for just jumping in here....but i just want to let you know that it WILL get better, we all go through dark times in our lives and this too shall pass. i know you are hurting like crazy, but i truly do believe that things happen for a reason and maybe the reason why you couldn't have a baby with this man is because you weren't right for each other after all...and just because this particular dream didn't work out for you, that doesn't mean that your dreams won't ever come true...i think it's just the opposite. you're opening a door now to the future, and allowing new and better opportunities to come into your life...your dreams one day WILL come true, even if right now it doesn't seem that way.

stay strong.

oh, and tell your MIL to shove off. i mean, really - wtf??

:bigarmhug:

celticbandgeek's picture
Joined: 06/14/10
Posts: 950

Oh Shannon. :bigarmhug: I'm so sorry. I know your whole world is turned upside down right now. I've been where you are right now, and all I can say to you is that it will get better. And I applaud you for standing up for yourself and taking charge of your life. You have taken a step that I know requires a lot of strength and bravery, and you will be better for it even though it is so difficult and painful now. You are worth so much more and deserve much better than what you've been going through all this time. You are strong, you are valuable, and you are entitled to the very best in your life! Although I know it is incredibly difficult for you right now, I hope this is just the beginning of a beautiful new chapter for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Jean

Aggiegirl06's picture
Joined: 03/31/09
Posts: 567

Shannon- I'm so so sorry you are going through this. I understand your need to leave the board and get your life organized. Please know that we are thinking of you. I applaud your ability to make such a hard decision, and doing what is right for YOU. So often in relationships we get caught up in pleasing our partner we forget about ourselves. I pray that y'all can work something out with Kody and the division of assets is quick. HUGS

SnowWhite9028's picture
Joined: 08/10/08
Posts: 738

:bighug: Oh Shannon! My heart breaks for you. You deserve so much more, friend! I'll keep you in my T&Ps!

bisksprout's picture
Joined: 07/06/06
Posts: 474

I'm so sorry *HUGS* Things will get better, just stay strong.

Tell his mother to mind her own damn business! Seriously, she needs to stay out of it. It's your relationship... not hers.

*HUGS*

hwunnie_bwunnie83's picture
Joined: 01/26/08
Posts: 140

Thanks ladies for all your wonderful words of encouragement and support. :bigarmhug:

I'm doing okay but I have my moments and break downs. Sleeping at night has been hard and lonely. It's so hard to walk away from everything that I've known for the past 7 years and walk away from someone I still love and hope that maybe he'll come around and realize what he's losing. Sad I know I'm doing the right thing and that I deserve better in life. If I stick around, I will never get what I want in life and it's been that way for the past 2-3 years with him. We've been remaining as civil as possible as I don't want to go angry -- I still want to walk away with dignity.

I found a place and it's NOT an apartment, I'm so happy!! I found a really cute 2 bedroom condo with a finished basement and a small yard space for the dogs. Biggrin It's been renovated and it's ready for me to move in right away -- though I'm still packing up my stuff as everything in the house is MINE! I'm hoping to be out for the 27th of August. The best part of all, I get to keep my 70 gallon aquarium, my new landlord is okay with it!!

I'm spending my weekend packing. :confused: I went out and bought 12 storage totes and everything is getting boxed up this weekend.

Anyways, once I'm all settled in and everything is un-packed, I will post pictures of my new place and new life.

celticbandgeek's picture
Joined: 06/14/10
Posts: 950

I'm so glad you found someplace with exactly what you need! Yahoo I know how attached you get to dogs, and how much it would break you heart to not be able to have them around!

He may yet grow up and realize what he is losing. And, it is good that you are staying civil (and being the "grown up"). Either way things go, you are moving on to the life that you deserve. The packing and moving is absolutely the hardest part. I cried and cried, threw things, threw things OUT, broke a few things, and generally felt miserable doing the whole process. Once you are settled into the new space, you will still be sad, but it will be easier and I know I felt and incredible sense of relief once I was settled. As difficult as it is, I hope you find peace with your new direction. :bigarmhug:

ChrissyD2103's picture
Joined: 10/09/07
Posts: 526

Shannon- I am so sorry that you are gong through this and I hope that all this pain will bring you what you want and diserve in life. I am so happy you were able to find a place that sounds like a good fit for you and your fur babies!!

WhiteWolf68's picture
Joined: 02/06/09
Posts: 505

Shannon, so sorry but you're definitely doing the right thing! I was once engaged to someone for 7 years and it was a constant "off & on" relationship, walked away from that one. Then I was married and that lasted 2 years, had to get out because he was abusive. I had to sell the house & move back home but then I met my current DH. Walking away, starting over, is really difficult but we come out much stronger in the end. Each day that passes, will get better.

Anyway...there's a much brighter future ahead for you!

Big hugs!

Jennifer

FLSunshineMom's picture
Joined: 06/07/06
Posts: 3859

Oh Shannon, I am just now seeing this. I was wondering why you hadn't been around much and kept meaning to PM you. So sorry to hear things didn't work out, but it sounds like it's for the best. I agree with the others, you deserve to be treated better! Good for you for having the courage to finally take that step. I know it couldn't have been easy, as I've BTDT myself.

So happy to hear you found a nice place! You deserve that, AND the better life that I'm sure is ahead of you. Can't wait to see the pics. Please DO keep in touch! And PM me anytime you want/need to talk.

Huge hugs!!!! :bighug:

We will definitely :missyou:

kadibug's picture
Joined: 07/17/11
Posts: 247

sorry about your relationship ending. my heart was bleeding for the love of your pet. my dogs are my world!!! one of them, eleanor, has been my infertility snuggle bug. she's become my best friend. she gives me support no human can.

my husband hasn't been supportive either. he tries but fails. he doesn't want kids nor will he be sad or stressed. he had ulcertive colitis which ended in a colonectomy. long story short, because of his meds and their effect on his liver levels, he must manage his stress. this means that the disappointment, heartache, pressure, and all emotions of failure to have children falls on me. he takes me to dinner, holds me when i cry, saves money for procedures... but is very detached from the stress. needless to say, it has but a HUGE strain on our relationship. he may want me to be happy but doesn't care WHY i am sad. i hope that makes sense.

i'd hate to say this, but i don't know how much more of this i can take. i think you are brave. i want children so badly but i can't keep living with someone who doesn't care. you said, "one night stand" and my husband uses the phrase, "dancing monkey" when i'm ovulating. does he think i enjoy ttc for this many months, now two years? gosh, i'm totally venting now.

the only thing he and i have going is our friendship. we still like going places together, talking (not about ttc!), playing with the dogs, etc. the instant our life is about infertility - it SUCKS - he's so removed and i feel very alone in my pain. and yes, ovulation sex is horrible, probably didn't need to clarify that.

again, i am so proud of your brave move forward. i am sure it wasn't easy but the best thing to do.

hugs to you and the dogs.

AnnaRO's picture
Joined: 07/06/08
Posts: 7033

:lurk:

Shannon, I know that I'm totally late seeing this, but I just saw your post on FB about your new place and came here to stalk you and see if I could find out what is going on. And then I found this.

I want to say that I am so sorry for everything you are going through and everything that has happened. I applaud your amazing strength in walking away with the realization that you deserve so much better. Some of us that know you have known for a while that he wasn't treasuring you the way you deserve, but then again it would be hard to find a man good enough for your beautiful, wonderful heart and soul. I hope that through this dark spot you find your true soulmate. I hope that you decide to come back here and keep us updated on how you are doing and how things are going. We love you, Shannon! You deserve every ounce of happiness this world can give you.

verdouxkai's picture
Joined: 03/05/07
Posts: 826

:bigarmhug:

I'm sorry I'm so late in seeing this, I am so sorry that things did not work out. You are such a strong person and should be so proud that you stood up for yourself when you weren't being given the kind of relationship you deserve. I hope you continue to post somewhere on here so we can all give you the support you need. You are amazing, Shannon, and remember you are doing the best thing for you!

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