Do you tell?
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    Posting Addict smsturner's Avatar
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    Default Do you tell?

    Do people around you know all you're going through?

    I have kept things almost completely to myself. Only one or two people even know that we've been trying besides the ladies here. Am I isolating myself too much? What do you ladies do?
    Susan, dh Tom, dd Megan, ds Marcus, ds #2 coming Feb, 2014

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    Posting Addict mom2robbie's Avatar
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    There are a few special friends that know, my family and that is it.
    Margaret (44)
    Sean (38 )
    Robbie (8 )
    Bailey (April 2, 2011)


    "The soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind." Caroline Myss

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    I will be honest with you, I did and it backfired on me because all people ever did was ask me "are you pregnant yet?" I only told friends and family but I really didn't think they will need CONSTANT updates. I had one friend in particular that just aksed me over and over again to the point where I stopped answering her text messages. If I have to go thru IVF again I won't say anything to anyone.

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    Posting Addict dreamchaser's Avatar
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    I am open about most things in my life and did share with my friends and family my struggles. Everyone knew I wanted more children. I run a small home day care and I was also open with my families once I started doing cycle monitoring for IUI and IVF treatments. I found that it helped to be able to talk openly about it. For the most part people didn't ask, they would let me bring up the subject if I wanted to talk about it. I also found that by being open about my own infertility struggles it allowed people I know to open up about their struggles as well (I would have not known otherwise that they too were going through similar struggles). It's definitely a personal choice. I did find that talking to others, both online and irl that were also going through treatments, I could use the lingo. But for those others, like my parents and friends who haven't experienced any of it, it was much easier to just give the short version of treatments. People want to know, but not necessarily all the details. My parents had a hard time understanding between IUI and IVF. It was just easier to say I'm doing another cycle, and left it at that, lol. Plus I didn't like having to go in to great detail all the time either.

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    Posting Addict smsturner's Avatar
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    At first we didn't tell a soul because we thought it would be a super awesome surprise. (I have two that are 13 and 11, but tom has never had any, so this would be TOTALLY out of the blue to everyone).

    Then as time went by, I have gotten more toward not wanting to tell a soul because I don't want to deal with all comments and questions that can hurt, even if people don't mean them to hurt. Like Aren't you pregnant yet?? or did you guys decide not to have a baby? or gee, what's happening that you're not getting pregnant? (some people I wouldn't mind, but why would you ask someone you barely know what kind of reproductive issues they have?) Well, maybe you just need to lose weight. (thanks einstein. that's crazy brilliant) Or the absolute worst: well at least you have the two already. (does anyone at all think that that makes any of this any better??)

    So right now. My ladies here, one other board. Two of my fb friends, no family at all, one good friend, and two work friends know. I imagine at some point my boss, and her secretary will need to know bcs they will think there is something going on because of dr appointments.
    I know that dh hasn't told a soul. He is just very very private. I think it will be a struggle to tell people when we are having a baby lol
    Susan, dh Tom, dd Megan, ds Marcus, ds #2 coming Feb, 2014

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    Community Host Lizbet22's Avatar
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    I talk to anyone about it to be honest.
    I have found that due to this people come to me for advice when they have problems and look to me for support if needed.
    I find it helps me take my mind off my own problems.
    I am probably way too open..but..thats just me...bugs me when people are unfeeling...but on the whole people react okay.
    I don't say it out of the blue..but I don't hold back when it comes up.
    It doesn't upset me to talk about it so...
    If my problems can help someone else than there is a reason for everything.
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    Community Host combatcutie's Avatar
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    In the beginning, only family knew what I was going through along with my boss. Then, I told a few friends. Now that it has been 8 yrs and still no BFP and ppl keep asking why I don't have any children, I simply say that it's not like I haven't tried. I've done everything short of IVF and it just isn't in God's plan for me. I just don't like how people assume that it is so easy to have children or that I simply don't want them that I feel I have to put them in their place

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    Posting Addict mom2robbie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by smsturner View Post
    Or the absolute worst: well at least you have the two already. (does anyone at all think that that makes any of this any better??)
    I get this all the time! Yes, I am lucky to have Robbie but it does not help when you want another child.

    At our wedding (I was 32) we kept being asked when we were having kids. Shut a lot of people up with "I'm infertile, so it may never happen". Never an apology or anything just a shocked look and wander away!

    Sean's SIL went through 3 rounds of IVF to get the triplets and so they are all so supportive. When we went to Christmas dinner the year I was pregnant with Robbie (would have been almost 8 weeks) everyone was giving hugs and crying over their happiness for us. It was so nice.

    My oldest sister is mad at me for trying for another baby. "You are too old", "There is going to be something wrong"... She had her first at 23 and her last at 39 - 5 boys. It was ok with her wanting more kids but not for me
    Last edited by mom2robbie; 12-03-2012 at 03:10 PM.
    Margaret (44)
    Sean (38 )
    Robbie (8 )
    Bailey (April 2, 2011)


    "The soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind." Caroline Myss

  9. #9
    Posting Addict smsturner's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mom2robbie View Post
    My oldest sister is mad at me for trying for another baby. "You are too old", "There is going to be something wrong"... She had her first at 23 and her last at 39 - 5 boys. It was ok with her wanting more kids but not for me
    AWFUL!! How terrible for her to not be supportive of what you are wanting, needing or feeling! That's not ok, no matter what reason! And I know women older than you that have done perfectly fine. What nonsense!


    My sister is the one person I worry about telling the most. She has talked for years about wanting to start trying for a baby. She has PCOS and knows it could be a hard time. But her biggest obstacle is she is married to a woman. She has a man friend volunteer donor picked out, but still having a baby will not be the easy thing. She is not sure when she wants to try, but feels like it's her 'turn' to do it. I'm sure news that we would be having one, would put her a little on edge, and make her jealous. I don't want to make her feel bad, but I also don't want to never have what we want so badly because it will upset her. I can't decide if that makes me cold and unfeeling...
    Susan, dh Tom, dd Megan, ds Marcus, ds #2 coming Feb, 2014

    Lilypie Maternity tickers

    I never knew until that moment how badly it could hurt to lose something you never really had. - Missed Miscarriage at 10 weeks - 3/26

  10. #10
    Posting Addict mom2robbie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by smsturner View Post
    AWFUL!! How terrible for her to not be supportive of what you are wanting, needing or feeling! That's not ok, no matter what reason! And I know women older than you that have done perfectly fine. What nonsense!
    Ya, she was pretty *****y about it all. When I was younger she was mad that I did no go out and purposely get pregnant as "you kids are going to be so much younger then their cousins". Well, since she is 14 years older then me my kids should be a lot younger then her kids. I would have hit her if she had said anything when I was "home" for my mom's funeral when I mentioned we would be starting a fertility treatment cycle right away.

    About your sister... You are free to laugh at my cluelessness... I was at the fertility clinic and realized I was noticing a LOT of lesbian couples. An hour later I blurted out "Duh! " My friend was wanting to know what was going on. I told her I just realized why there were so many lesbian couples at the clinic...the ONLY way for them to get pregnant...(well, unless they want to have sex with a male friend... ) LOL
    Margaret (44)
    Sean (38 )
    Robbie (8 )
    Bailey (April 2, 2011)


    "The soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind." Caroline Myss

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