driving myself nuts!!

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raingirl28's picture
Joined: 09/03/07
Posts: 1347
driving myself nuts!!

I hate this. When it's someone else you are trying to reassure, everything is logical and straight foward. Yet, when you reverse the role and you know you should be taking the same advice it's torture!!

I KNOW I should wait a few days and test again, I KNOW a line is a line, and I'm 99.99999% sure the trigger is gone....I'm still freaking out.

I'm also having a bit of pink when I wipe today so I'm freaking out about that too. Again, the usual advice would be "It could be a good sign, it could be implantation bleeding", but it's still scary when it's happening to you!!

Grr....Friday can't come soon enough!

In truth, if this isn't it, I'm not sure I can continue doing this anymore. It's been too long. I can't deal with the pokes and prods and tests and medications and injections and waiting. I hate it.... this HAS to be it....

It doesn't help that DH is away this week as well.....

Joined: 07/26/04
Posts: 1595

UGH, so sorry! I wish I can give you some insight on whether these tests should look like that or not but I have no idea how it works. I really hope that FRER is an early BFP!! :bighug:

You know focusing on loosing weight has really taken my mind off TTC. I haven't even thought about it really. All I can think about is being healthier for any future pregnancy. Maybe you should start doing something to take your mind off things for now. I think we have all felt like we want to give up!

Best of luck!!!!

WhiteWolf68's picture
Joined: 02/06/09
Posts: 505

Can you go and rent some movies to keep you busy? Like some comedies, to make you laugh and not worry. 10dpo is still early, HCG doubles every two days or such, so there probably won't be much difference between yesterdays test and today.

IUI is pretty intense, I give anyone tons of credit for going through it but I understand you not wanting to go through it again. You can always go all-natural and try herbs, acupuncture, etc, if your FSH level is pretty good.

Easy for me to say "hang in there"... but try and know we're here for you. /hugs

FLSunshineMom's picture
Joined: 06/07/06
Posts: 3859

Waiting is HARD with a capital H! I agree with Jennifer, rent some funny movies or something to take your mind off it! SO HOPE this is it for you, girl! *Huge hugs*

raingirl28's picture
Joined: 09/03/07
Posts: 1347

Thanks girls. I'm just going crazy today at work and I kind of dread going home tonight. I'm running out of things to watch on Netflix!! DH took the xbox so there aren't any games I can play (except on the PC). Uggg......

WhiteWolf68's picture
Joined: 02/06/09
Posts: 505

There's always...Angry Birds Smile Not sure about playing it online but DH has a cool new phone that I'd love to steal...er I mean, borrow. Smile

Netflix has Tangled on, kids movie but it's pretty good.

Joined: 07/26/04
Posts: 1595

SLEEP!!! LOL! OMG I would sooo sleep!

celticbandgeek's picture
Joined: 06/14/10
Posts: 950

:lurk:

I've got everything crossed for you! And I completely understand the stress you are feeling going through the IUI....all the early mornings, some tech trying to find someplace to stick you, constantly watching the clock for what time to give yourself a shot, worry about the u/s results, having to schedule your ENTIRE life around all of it to make it happen, and then just the "normal" 2WW pressure on top of all of it. It takes all of your strength and will, and you have tons of that. You'll get through, and I'm praying that this is it for you. You deserve it!!!!

:bigarmhug:

ambie719's picture
Joined: 10/03/07
Posts: 811

:lurk:
I'm sorry Rach. :bigarmhug: I hope this is it for you too, I can't even begin to imagine how hard the last few years have been for you. Just know I'm always here rooting and cheering for you. Smile And Jennifer is right, my 10 and 11 dpo tests looked almost identical, and both were super faint. I think you're probably smart to want to give it a couple days before testing again.

Lizbet22's picture
Joined: 04/01/09
Posts: 2859

I totally get you Hun. Think everyone has said it.
I am praying that this is it!!
And that the pink is implantation. I think thar would fit the time line.
I know what you mean about being too long a journey. My mind set is like that at the mo.
It's horrible.
But I have to say I swear I saw something in your frer.
I can't wait to see a stronger line!!!
Huge hugs sweetie.
Xxxx

mrs.doolittle's picture
Joined: 02/18/08
Posts: 1335

We've all got our fingers crossed for you, Rachael! Those early tests are always very faint. I completely empathize with the feelings of just giving up. It's incredibly hard to go through IF treatments. Hope you're experiencing IB and get great news on Fri!

yipeeladybug's picture
Joined: 01/18/06
Posts: 1214

I hope that this is it for you! Just saw this thread today, fingers and toes crossed for you here!

raingirl28's picture
Joined: 09/03/07
Posts: 1347

Thank you girls. Today I'm just not feeling it anymore. Maybe I'm just trying to protect myself from the heartache.... not sure but I just have this gut feeling it didn't work and I'm not preggo and anything I saw on the tests the last two days (which was insane faint) must have been leftover trigger or something.

I was bawling my eyes out on the train platform on my way to work this morning. I arrived 15 min early and no one was there so I just stood at one end away from everything and I couldn't stop. I just don't know how to face the rest of this week or the beta on Friday or going on vacation next week with DH's family including two babies.... And having to deal with AF on vacation is no fun as it is so I was REALLY hoping this would be it so I wouldn't have to deal with it.

And I know, I'm still early, the pink spotting yesterday could have been implantation, in which case HCG would just be rising slowly now and I could still get a BFP at my beta on Friday. I'm really trying to lot lose faith but I'm really afraid to get my hopes up.

WhiteWolf68's picture
Joined: 02/06/09
Posts: 505

Sad I was like with my IUI, I just kinda knew. Sorry you're in tears. Sad Wish I could help...

P.S. You are right, takes 2 days for HCG to show up after implanting. Still hope...