Having a rough time............

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ChrissyD2103's picture
Joined: 10/09/07
Posts: 526
Having a rough time............

Our little girl that we lost in November would be, "due" any day and I am finding it hard not to go to that place. I think the fact that my SIL is also due any day with twin girls as well as my good friend with her little one makes it even harder, becuase I look at them and think that should be me..........Ugh, how do I get through this??? I thought that being pregnant with another by this time would help, but obviously that didn't work out. I am finding it hard to let go of the idea of having another baby within my body. Most days I am ok with it and I feel ok with choosing adoption, because I would choose it anyway at some point since we have always wanted to adopt. The other part of me jsut wants to be pregnant one last time. I guess it is hard to explain. I am tempted to have another HSG done after things are healed up just to see if it would even be possible, because who knows how damaged my tube is or if at all???? Of course there is always IVF, but I just don't think I could handle that emotionally right now. If my tube is good, maybe I could take a more natural approach and try to get pregnant that way...... Or do I count my blessings and not tempt fate? How can I get over this and learn to let it go? Oh girls, what do I do?????

Joined: 07/26/04
Posts: 1595

First off, :bighug: I can't imagine what you are going through. I think before continuing to TTC you should try and heal emotionally. Have you considered talking to someone? I think you have gone through a lot and need to just take a break from it all. Kinda start on a clean slate. Do things that are fun for you and your LO....just enjoy each other. Trying to have more concrete answers might be the best way to go right now. This totally sucks for you, and I wish I had better words. My best advise is that... try and heal emotionally first and then move forward with either TTC or adopting.

:bighug: :bighug:

ChrissyD2103's picture
Joined: 10/09/07
Posts: 526

Oh yeah I was also thinking I should loose the 20 lbs I need to as well. That would put me at the weight I was when I got pg with DS........I guess either way the 20 lbs wouldnt hurt me lol

Lizbet22's picture
Joined: 04/01/09
Posts: 2859

First off I'm so sorry again for your loss...I can totally understand.
What I have done to try and stop my pain is to celebrate..write a card to wish happy birthday.
The little ones in my eyes aren't gone...they were just too special to stay on earth and they were wanted in a better place.
I think of my mother up there and know she has my angel babies and I celebrate that she got to see her grandkids.
This may sound weird to you...but for me it works.
Thats all i can suggest other than rant and vent if you need to sweets, because we understand and we are all holding your hand through this horribley sad time.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Joined: 07/26/04
Posts: 1595

"Lizbet22" wrote:

First off I'm so sorry again for your loss...I can totally understand.
What I have done to try and stop my pain is to celebrate..write a card to wish happy birthday.
The little ones in my eyes aren't gone...they were just too special to stay on earth and they were wanted in a better place.
I think of my mother up there and know she has my angel babies and I celebrate that she got to see her grandkids.
This may sound weird to you...but for me it works.
Thats all i can suggest other than rant and vent if you need to sweets, because we understand and we are all holding your hand through this horribley sad time.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Well said LIz!!!

I also agree that loosing weight is a great idea. That is technically one of the "treatments" for me. I just haven't gotten around to it. :confused: SHe was very adamant about me loosing weight. I know many women get pregnant after beginning a healthier lifestyle.

Aggiegirl06's picture
Joined: 03/31/09
Posts: 567

:bighug:

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way, sweetie. This journey we are all on is so emotionally tough we all go through these dark times. I did end up seeing a therapist for awhile when my SIL was having her baby and it was just too much for me to take. I feel for you and completely understand what your pain is like. Please take care of yourself and come back for hugs and coffee with us often.

:bighug:

mom2robbie's picture
Joined: 01/20/07
Posts: 2541

***lurker***

Hugs!

I can totally relate to how you are feeling. I have been having an awful time too. It is hard to be around babies/pregnant women, you want to be happy and supportive but inside your heart is breaking so much. We, also, decided on adoption but my heart is just not into it. I want to be pregnant again.

I read your other thread about the lady from church :eek: I am upset for you! I find church unbearable right now. Not sure about your ward but ours has so many babies and I just can't be around them and not lose it. I made it for sacrament on Mother's day and have not been there since. I can't even post on the LDS board right now...

I wish there was something I could do or say that would take the pain away.

Hugs!

WhiteWolf68's picture
Joined: 02/06/09
Posts: 505

It's not easy and something I do not think one ever truly gets over or forgets no matter how much time has passed losing a baby. Sad I keep thinking by now I would know whether I'd be having a boy or girl instead of being back at "square one". I can relate to the whole adoption or IVF thinking... Although I've ruled out IVF with donor eggs because I just can't handle the clinic visits and such. DH is worried about adopting a child and how that child would fit in with our family. It's like we're on this "merry go round" but at the end of the day, all I really want is to be pregnant on my own, hoping for a miracle like the rest of us on here.

In our case, we can't even start the adoption process up till we sell and move, so TTC is the only thing we can do for now.

Carrissa, if you want to go the natural route, you should check out RadiantWonder.com. I swear by them and I just spoke to one of the gals who made me feel much more at ease about TTC at my age. I also have one tube too but I'm taking Wheat Grass, the Radiant Wonder herbs, and Royal Jelly along with eating healthier.

FLSunshineMom's picture
Joined: 06/07/06
Posts: 3859

Ditto what the others said, Carissa. Sorry I'm not writing more, but I'm feeling pretty weak right now from being so sick. Huge hugs, hun. :bigarmhug:

ChrissyD2103's picture
Joined: 10/09/07
Posts: 526

Thanks ladies, I knew you all would understand Smile I guess it was just one of those days where things just seem to hit me all at once and I got overwhelmed by it all. I have been finding peace in the fact that all things happen for a reason and I am very blessed despite it all, and I need to focus on what I have instead of what I do not Smile

Lizbet22's picture
Joined: 04/01/09
Posts: 2859

Huge huge hugs my darling.
We're always here.
xxxxx