I spent most of my day holding back tears today. A coworker of mine that has been trying for a year finally got pregnant. I'm so happy for her but you know I can't help feeling hurt at the same time. Now that's another growing belly I will have to watch everyday at work. Just when I thought I had finally gotten over it, I went to drop my daughter at her grandmas house and my neighbor who has been trying for over a year got pregnant on her first IUI. I was thrilled as well, BUT hurt at the same time. 2 pregnancies in one day is too much to handle.
I feel cheated, I really really do. I will spare you the novel but nothing in my life has ever been easy. I've always had to struggle to get what I wanted and I know that's the case for many people but I don't know...I feel lost, and not having my mom to talk to I feel alone.
I spoke briefly with a friend of mine and she's convinced that I haven't gotten pregnant because my life is destined for something else and that pregnancy is not in the cards right now. She feels it's just not mean to be for me right now. As much as I want to accept that I'm not one to just give up. I want to give up badly, but I can't.
Hearing about these two pregnancies broke me today. I was so happy about going to the OB tomorrow and now I'm not. I have this gut feeling that all fertility treatments will fail and this is just not meant to be.
I'm sorry girls but sometimes i feel this is my only avenue. THe only place where I can let it all out. I'm sure I will feel better in the morning but right now I just want to cry my eyes out and scream at the world. :bighug: Thanks for reading!!
*so dh FINALLY got the SA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We get results tomorrow! I feel ssssoooo relieved!!*