Things have not improved for DH, and in fact, have gotten a bit worse. There's more detail, but I'd rather not share it on a public board, so let's just say that we will no longer be able to ttc. Not sure for how long, but it could be several months at least. Possibly more.
So...I have decided that I am done now. It took me awhile to post this, because I didn't want to say those words. I guess I'm stubborn, or maybe nuts, I don't know, but part of me doesn't want to let go.
But I need to. I need to move on and stop banging my head against a wall. It's becoming more and more apparent that it just doesn't seem to be meant for us to have another child.
It's just as well, because there are other issues, too. My hips and right knee aren't getting any better. I've had to give up running and am trying to figure out what to do instead. I can no longer lie on my side for very long (which is a requirement when you're pregnant after so many weeks along~you have to sleep on your left side to prevent blood circulation issues with the baby), and no telling what would happen with the extra strain on my hips from pg'cy. And then there's the fact that I'm not getting any younger, so there are increased risk factors plus the fact that older bodies just don't function like they used to, so the physical toll of pregnancy and taking care of an infant is tougher. Never mind the fact that I no longer function well on lack of sleep. Correction: I don't function on lack of sleep. At all.
It's time for me to accept it. I am thankful for my one child, and will cherish her and enjoy her. There are days when I look at her and still cannot believe that I have a daughter, and that I am actually a mother. I waited so many years for her, that it just does not seem real some days. I remember what I was thinking the day we took her home from the hospital. They were letting us take her home? She really was ours? ALL ours? It seemed so surreal.
As for adoption/foster care, it's not an option for us, as DH does not want to do it.
On a more positive note, I'm currently working on a novel! National Novel Writing Month spurred me on to finally--after so many years of starting, then stopping after one page--continue writing! I never knew writing could be so tiring, but it's a good kind of tired. I finally got past my 'fear' of writing, (those who have ever tried to write a book might know what I'm talking about) and am now just writing, and it is turning out much better than I expected. I think I might have potential. Maybe.
I'll still come around to bug you guys, though. Someone has to keep you in line Kidding, of course. I won't be able to stay away, I want to keep up with you ladies to see how you're doing, and reply when I can to help support you. Thank you so much for all the support and encouragement you've given me! You've been a great group of ladies :grouphug: