Saying farewell...

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FLSunshineMom's picture
Joined: 06/07/06
Posts: 3859
Saying farewell...

Things have not improved for DH, and in fact, have gotten a bit worse. There's more detail, but I'd rather not share it on a public board, so let's just say that we will no longer be able to ttc. Not sure for how long, but it could be several months at least. Possibly more.

So...I have decided that I am done now. It took me awhile to post this, because I didn't want to say those words. I guess I'm stubborn, or maybe nuts, I don't know, but part of me doesn't want to let go.

But I need to. I need to move on and stop banging my head against a wall. It's becoming more and more apparent that it just doesn't seem to be meant for us to have another child.

It's just as well, because there are other issues, too. My hips and right knee aren't getting any better. I've had to give up running and am trying to figure out what to do instead. I can no longer lie on my side for very long (which is a requirement when you're pregnant after so many weeks along~you have to sleep on your left side to prevent blood circulation issues with the baby), and no telling what would happen with the extra strain on my hips from pg'cy. And then there's the fact that I'm not getting any younger, so there are increased risk factors plus the fact that older bodies just don't function like they used to, so the physical toll of pregnancy and taking care of an infant is tougher. Never mind the fact that I no longer function well on lack of sleep. Correction: I don't function on lack of sleep. At all. Lol

Anyway.

It's time for me to accept it. I am thankful for my one child, and will cherish her and enjoy her. There are days when I look at her and still cannot believe that I have a daughter, and that I am actually a mother. I waited so many years for her, that it just does not seem real some days. I remember what I was thinking the day we took her home from the hospital. They were letting us take her home? She really was ours? ALL ours? It seemed so surreal.

As for adoption/foster care, it's not an option for us, as DH does not want to do it.

On a more positive note, I'm currently working on a novel! National Novel Writing Month spurred me on to finally--after so many years of starting, then stopping after one page--continue writing! I never knew writing could be so tiring, but it's a good kind of tired. I finally got past my 'fear' of writing, (those who have ever tried to write a book might know what I'm talking about) and am now just writing, and it is turning out much better than I expected. I think I might have potential. Maybe. Smile

I'll still come around to bug you guys, though. Someone has to keep you in line Wink Kidding, of course. I won't be able to stay away, I want to keep up with you ladies to see how you're doing, and reply when I can to help support you. Thank you so much for all the support and encouragement you've given me! You've been a great group of ladies :grouphug:

Lizbet22's picture
Joined: 04/01/09
Posts: 2859

Oh Mary
I am gobsmacked and so sorry.
I hoped after the diagnosis a while ago that things were on the up.
H is a beautiful thing though and being thankful for her is a given..i know she is and always will be your beautiful girl.
I hope maybe some miracle happens for you though.
I hope DH is okay.

Good luck with the writing...I want a a copy to proof read when you have finished please!!!

I am glad you will still be around so I refuse to say goodbye to you.
It will never be goodbye anyway!

I love you lady...your strebgth and caring and love is inspired!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

dreamchaser's picture
Joined: 01/31/07
Posts: 681

Mary I am so very sorry to hear your update. *HUGS* You've always been such an amazing source of strength and support for me as well as many others on this board! You are truly a wonderful woman and I am so glad to be able to call you my friend! Biggrin As you know I too had to stop ttc due to circumstances out of my control. If you ever want to chat please feel free to message me (I'm on fb more than here). It's a very tough decision to have to make or deal with when it's not your decision entirely. It's been almost 2 years for me and I still have my moments. Your daughter is blessed to have you as her mom! She is a beautiful little girl and she will continue to bring joy to your life every single day! Treasure each and every moment, they really do fly by so fast!

I think it's amazing you are writing a book!!! How exciting!! What an inspiration you are!! You've been doing all kinds of things you've said you wanted to do!! So very proud of you!! I've found the best way to cope with my not being able to ttc is to find other things that I love and focus on those things. Just like you are doing right now.

It's always tough when we can't fulfill a dream. Just take one day at a time and keep your faith strong! There is a reason for everything, I believe that! And like you, I am thankful for all the wonderful blessings in my life that I do have.

:bigarmhug:

~Jodi

Joined: 07/26/04
Posts: 1595

Oh Mary as Liz said I will not say goodbye. Believe it or not when I started this journey you were one of the ladies that I "learned" from. I took your knowledge and strength and never gave up. I always looked forward to reading your posts.You are an amazing person and I really hope that you are blessed with a surprise one day. You better stick to your promise of stopping bye. And if you would like, PM your email address I'd love to keep in touch with you!!

:bighug:

FLSunshineMom's picture
Joined: 06/07/06
Posts: 3859

Thank you so much, ladies. You made me all teary-eyed, lol :giveflower:

JuneorJulyBaby?'s picture
Joined: 10/20/08
Posts: 2479

:lurk:

Mary :bigarmhug: I'm sorry. Good luck with your novel. As for excercise, have you thought about some low-impact cardio such as elliptical or bicycling? I think about you often and wish you the best!

tacie's picture
Joined: 07/06/09
Posts: 332

I am not ready to say good-bye either Mary, so instead I am going to wish you well on your adventures that are ahead for you and all the best to you in your writing. I know that our paths will cross again :bigarmhug: Luv ya girl!

WhiteWolf68's picture
Joined: 02/06/09
Posts: 505

Mary...huge hugs. I'm so sad to read this but can totally understand and relate. So much time has passed and so many things have changed. Sad It's not fair at all and I wish I could stop time and reverse it, stop us from getting older.

You'll be missed and maybe life has other things in store for you, like being a writer. Smile

I know how hard this decision is though...there's no words than can stop the heartache but know we're here for you, always your friend.

Aggiegirl06's picture
Joined: 03/31/09
Posts: 567

Mary...Mary...where do I start? Every since I've joined pg.org you have been a constant figure for me. We've board hopped together, charted together, and finally found our home here at the 2+ board. I KNOW this is not goodbye, so please come back and hang out with us when you are free. I will keep an eye on facebook for funny Hannah and cat stories. Smile

Please know what a dear, dear friend you are to me and how much your friendship has meant over these past 3 years. HUGS!

:bighug:

Joined: 11/02/11
Posts: 56

I'm soory you had to make a choice like this.....I'm glad you have your Daughter and your not childless, it will make things easier. Good luck with you book! Thats exciting, and deff don't leave us!

FLSunshineMom's picture
Joined: 06/07/06
Posts: 3859

"JuneorJulyBaby?" wrote:

:lurk:

Mary :bigarmhug: I'm sorry. Good luck with your novel. As for excercise, have you thought about some low-impact cardio such as elliptical or bicycling? I think about you often and wish you the best!

I have. I don't think I could do bicycling as it would use the muscles that run along the hip, but I can probably do an elliptical. It's on my Christmas list. Smile Also, my SIL on DH's side had the same problem (it sounds like) and her orthopedic gave her some stretches to do that helped her (cured her, in fact, though she still has to do the stretches from time to time), so I'm going to try those.

"tacie" wrote:

I am not ready to say good-bye either Mary, so instead I am going to wish you well on your adventures that are ahead for you and all the best to you in your writing. I know that our paths will cross again :bigarmhug: Luv ya girl!

"WhiteWolf68" wrote:

Mary...huge hugs. I'm so sad to read this but can totally understand and relate. So much time has passed and so many things have changed. Sad It's not fair at all and I wish I could stop time and reverse it, stop us from getting older.

You'll be missed and maybe life has other things in store for you, like being a writer. Smile

I know how hard this decision is though...there's no words than can stop the heartache but know we're here for you, always your friend.

"Aggiegirl06" wrote:

Mary...Mary...where do I start? Every since I've joined pg.org you have been a constant figure for me. We've board hopped together, charted together, and finally found our home here at the 2+ board. I KNOW this is not goodbye, so please come back and hang out with us when you are free. I will keep an eye on facebook for funny Hannah and cat stories. Smile

Please know what a dear, dear friend you are to me and how much your friendship has meant over these past 3 years. HUGS!

:bighug:

"hope2bmommy2012" wrote:

I'm soory you had to make a choice like this.....I'm glad you have your Daughter and your not childless, it will make things easier. Good luck with you book! Thats exciting, and deff don't leave us!

:thanks: to all of you above. :giveflower:

By the way, I will still be around on preg.org (I'm a host of two boards, after all, gotta take care of my babies :)), I just won't be part of the ttc boards anymore, other than to lurk (and post on occasion).

I'll be hanging out on the Debate board and Biggest Loser board (Mod Squad team), so feel free to come a' stalking Wink

ChrissyD2103's picture
Joined: 10/09/07
Posts: 526

Oh Mary, I am a little late here and I could not say it any better than all the other girls have, but I can totally empathize with your decision, but I am sorry that this choice had to be made...... I wish you the best with your novel, I am inspired by your willingness to get it out there and written. I have been playing around with a book I have been trying to write for years and I always stop after a few pages and then leave it untouched for months at a time. So kudos to you!!!!!! I am also happy to hear that you will still be stopping around because things just wouldn't be the same with out you!!! ((((HUGS))))

Joined: 02/24/11
Posts: 1651

Mary I wish ypu good luck on all your future endeavors! Im going to miss u :bigarmhug:

Mommyin0406080912's picture
Joined: 02/16/08
Posts: 1644

Mary I just wanted to send huge hugs and prayers for you. I know this was not an easy choice. Sending huge hugs

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