Sorry I have been rubbish lately

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Lizbet22's picture
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Sorry I have been rubbish lately

I am so sorry I have neglected you all.
I have been lurking and keeping an eye and thinking if you though.
Just been going through some blah stuff and needed to get myself straight.

On the upside out if negativity we have now decided to go private.. Even our consultant said there was no more he could do so we are seeing mr raj rai on Thursday up at Harley street and hope he can tellbus why our babies don't grow after 6 weeks.

I am guessing you're wondering why now? Most I'd you know already but I found out I was preg before I went to America but when I had my scan when I got back I found out that it was twins and that they hadn't grown again. I had a d and c at 12 weeks... So we decided enough was enough and we needed answers.

So that's why I have been Mia .. But now I am back and ready to roll again.

Hope you are all okay.
Xxxxxxxxx

DannyT's picture
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My heart is with you for what you are going through. And to stay so supportive of us in the process, you are a true angel. I hope you find the answers you are seeking. :bigarmhug:

Lizbet22's picture
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Thank you sweets.
It's a horrible time of year really. My first oct baby should be a year now. My nov baby should have just been born and the Ann of my mums passing was 2 weeks ago.
It's hard but we try to stay upbeat.
My work is quite impressed with my attitude. I even have an interview for team leader next week.. So...
I do feel tired though.. The anethestic has taken longer to leave my system this time.

My preg tests ate almost neg now... And it's strange you post about trying again because all I want to do is get oreg again as soon as possible.

It's hard to know what's right or wring eh?
M wants to wait until we see the specialist Thursday.. Think it's unlikely we'll have an egg before then but....

How are you doing Danny?
Xxxx

DannyT's picture
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I know it's strange but I'm wishing I could fast forward time and skip the next few weeks.

I have been away from work for 2 weeks now. With the hemorrhagic cysts surgery I was out and working a little from home but hadn't been released to go back when we found out we lost the baby. We did the D&C Thursday and honestly I feel guilty about this but I felt physically better than I had in 2 weeks on Friday, I'm glad the Dr suggested we do it quickly. I almost think my body was telling me something was wrong with the pg from the very beginning. Our measurements had been off from the beginning so the Dr thinks it was chromosomal vs. trauma from the surgery. He sent off for testing to find out so I think we will have some information in a couple of weeks. I'm not sure how long that testing takes but I don't think he expects results till after Thanksgiving. He seemed really confident that we should try again as soon as my body and my mind is ready but my analytical mind wants some closure and I think test results would help.

I'm having a little anxiety about going back to work now. I love my job it's just I'm afraid I can't keep it together as only 1 person at work knows the whole story, my co-workers just think I had emergency surgery. Good news is it is a short week at work and I will have to step out to get my stitches out from the first surgery so I will have limited time in the office. Everyone at work has been unbelievably supportive of my unexpected leave so I know I will get alot of well wishers and support, I'm just afraid I'm going to cry every time someone asks me how I'm doing. At work i'm normally very stoic and hard to read or so i've been told. This m/c has made me a fountain of tears....random crying. I'm sure it's just my way of processing the grief but I hope I can stay strong and keep it together.

I haven't really been out or seen people because I've been on bedrest two weeks so that doubles my anxiety to get out in public again. I've been very lucky to have a wonderful group of friends and family who have lifted me up and loved me all week. My DH has been an angel too, I think this loss has been just as hard for him as he has been with me every step of the way. I feel guilty though because I have 3 wonderful PG friends and one with a newborn and I'm having trouble talking to them. It's just overwhelming to me.

I know all of this is normal but I wish I could close my eyes and wake up in mid-december. We need the time and the steps and I guess I will just take it one person, one day and one tear at a time.

Wow I hadn't really expressed any of this to anyone. I guess your note and your loss prompted me to open up. It's good as I am a very closed person and clam up when I deal with things. Typing this has been cathartic in a way and let me see in writing my crazy emotions and blessings at the same time.

I really hope you are doing okay. I have you and kadibug on my mind as I know it has been a very tough road for you two. Thanks for prompting me to open up and listening.

Lizbet22's picture
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Last seen: 1 year 4 months ago
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I am glad you have opened up.
It's a good way to start healing and sometimes it's so much easier to open up to people you don't really know and can't see.

I get what you say about work... I was wary although I only had one day off. But believe me... It's easier to be back at work and focusing on something else. I found I moped around at home... Whereas ag
T work I had to put on a smile and get over it. It helped me.
Although I knowirher people aren't the same.
But keeping busy does help and make time move faster.
I had a loss at the beginning of dec last year and I just said sod it.. Let's have a break and enjoy Christmas... Eating drinking and such. Took a new loom in the new year.

I get it about your friends too. My old drinking buddies wife announced her pregnancy recently and another friend mailed me if hers a couple of days ago. She's dye 2 weeks after I would have been in may.
I feel envious... But also think it brings me one step closer to the front of the queue if that makes sense.

We'll all get there one way or another!!!
Hugs sweetie
Xxxxxxxx

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You two women are amazing and truly an inspiration to me the way you can fall and get back up again with positivity in your hearts ! I hope you ladies begin to heal meantally and physically with success and start again. . You give me the realization that when I fall i cant dust my shouders up and start my journey all over again

Lizbet22's picture
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Hugs tash!!!
Xxxxxxx

DannyT's picture
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Big hugs to you both

mom2robbie's picture
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"DannyT" wrote:

He sent off for testing to find out so I think we will have some information in a couple of weeks. I'm not sure how long that testing takes but I don't think he expects results till after Thanksgiving.

Depending on the tests I was told between 4 weeks-2 months. I hope you are able to get some answers. Hugs

Liz - I hope you get some answers too.

You both have been through so much. Hugs.

FLSunshineMom's picture
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So good to see you posting again, Liz. I've missed you on here, but figured you needed some time.
:bighug:

Huge hugs to you, too, Danielle.

ChrissyD2103's picture
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Liz, I am in total awe of your strength, honestly I admire your attitude and spirit so much. I hope that moving on to the private sector will give you some much needed answers. I am a firm beleiver that finding the right Dr. can make all the difference. If I had not found my RE last year, I know things would not be as they are now. I wish I could come jump accross the pond and give you a great big hug!!!!I love ya girl!!!!!

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So sorry to hear of all you've been through. Your strength and attitude are commendable.

I am new here, but I can tell from your posts what a giving and kind person you are, even thinking of others during this time! Please take whatever time you need for yourself.

I really hope your new consult can shed some light on a cause for your losses, and a plan for the future.

WhiteWolf68's picture
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Liz, so sorry but I'm glad you are back with us. If it wasn't for the specialist in England, I would have never had my first. I was like you, I could get pregnant but not get past the first few weeks. Big hugs... hang in there...times will get easier.

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Big hugs, girls.

:bighug:

yipeeladybug's picture
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*hugehugs* Liz and Danny. I am so sorry about your losses. Sad

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Liz, so glad to have you back!!!! We have missed you dearly!! :bighug:

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"ChrissyD2103" wrote:

Liz, I am in total awe of your strength, honestly I admire your attitude and spirit so much. I hope that moving on to the private sector will give you some much needed answers. I am a firm beleiver that finding the right Dr. can make all the difference. If I had not found my RE last year, I know things would not be as they are now. I wish I could come jump accross the pond and give you a great big hug!!!!I love ya girl!!!!!

Liz,
I am sorry to hear of your loss
I ditto exactly what Carissa has said above - it's like she took the words right out of my heart ~ sending you lots of love and a huge hug!

Lizbet22's picture
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Thank you all my sweets!!
Huge hugs back xxxxxx

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Liz you are so strong, Im so sorry you have to keep going through this. Do you RE test for nautral killer cells and progesterone, clotting.

Lizbet22's picture
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Tanks Hun.
I think I have had it all done.
Seeing someone new on the 8 th. Was supposed to be today but it's been postponed.
Hopefully get fresh eyes on the situation.
How are you doing?
Xxxx

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I'm so sorry for your losses, Liz Sad :bigarmhug: