How do you decide to give up?

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CamelNoodle's picture
Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 908
How do you decide to give up?

We've hit the 2 year mark TTCing. In that time we've lost two pregnancies (3 babies). My husband is tired of trying. I'm tired of failing. My other 4 pregnancies we got pregnant within 3 months of trying. I'm getting old. DH is getting old. I want to have another baby, but as time goes on (youngest DS is nearly 4) it seems like a bad idea.

How do you decide to be done, when you really aren't?

ange84's picture
Joined: 12/28/09
Posts: 6564

When you find the answer let me know, I want another 3 babies, been trying for 2 years and DS will be 4 this year. I don't know when I will be ok with giving up but I also know emotionally I can't do this much longer

Audgee's picture
Joined: 08/24/05
Posts: 305

Wish there was an easy answer for that question.

Janel - we have been through some similar experiences and are close in age (I believe) My first took 4 months of trying. 5 year, 4 m/c and a stillbirth later we finally brought home our second child. At that time I knew that as hard emotionally the losses were, my desire for a other child was greater.
After our second we decided we would just see what happened (no opks, no fertility intervention....As JLIH aas you can be after years of trying) and I set our time line at a year....which I continued to extend as the deadline came near. First it was a year, then it was a year from when AF came back, the it was the end of that calendar year.....I soon realized that I needed a definite end, and set a new deadline and told DH that if we weren't pregnant by the end of 2013, then he had to get scheduled for the snip, because I couldn't turn off my brain to trying. There was 1 more m/c I there, before very fortunately for us, we got lucky last summer. I chalk it up to my DH'S luck, since I am a scheduled c-section, I'll be getting the snipping (or tying) done, and he gets off without having to do anything. And for the first time in 9 years I am fully in peace with being finished (of course turning 43 in December helped with that!)

Wendy - not to leave you out, but hopefully my story of 3 natural conception s after trying pretty much everything going with our RE, after having unexplained secondary infertility, will help keep you thinking positive. I know it is tough. (I was told by my first RE that ivf with donor eggs was my only option)

tink9702's picture
Joined: 09/28/08
Posts: 2977

wish I knew the answer to that question. I haven't been trying nearly as long, or had as many miscarriages either, but I'm feeling defeated and like I'm putting off living my life a bit. I want another baby, but maybe I need to move on and be happy where I am???

Most of all, wanted to reply with a "hug!" and tell you "it sucks!".

Joined: 08/10/13
Posts: 366

I'm trying to figure that out myself :s

Danifo's picture
Joined: 09/07/10
Posts: 1377

I don't know either. We are going to start TTC #3 this year (age 37). I would like to say I'd give it until I'm 40 but to do that I would have to let go of cycle tracking because the constant awareness and questioning am I/am I not is really draining.

Good luck with your decision.

Joined: 11/16/11
Posts: 265

Don't you wish there was some sign from above or a textbook answer!!??

I too have starting asking myself this question. DH & I are trying for our first - so it makes it so hard to move on given that I've always wanted to be pregnant and a mother. DH & I CANNOT conceive naturally - so we have to rely on ART. We've done 6 IUI, I've recently had a HSG, laprarscopy, and pathology testing on my lining. (found nothing!!!) My DH has azoospermia so we have to pay for donor sperm. I'm VERY fortunate that my company covers all but 10% of everything - but we only have a $15K lifetime max, and we're getting close. We have 2 vials left of the DS, and I have decided that we will try 2 more times (either IUI, or IVF, we haven't decided yet, I'm currently in the 2WW) and then take some time off. Maybe save some $, or look into adoption. Like Audrey said, my desire to be a mother is greater than the stress, the $ we have to pay, everything. I keep telling myself that it's worth it.

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. and know that we are always here to listen, and vent.