Maybe it's the emotions talking...

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Lily2006's picture
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Maybe it's the emotions talking...

But I don't think I want to ttc anymore. POAS yesterday and got a positive just to have AF let me know it's on it's way today? Quite frankly I am feeling so darn depressed lately that I just can't take it anymore. Regardless of all of the "perfect" results DH and I have gotten from our testing, obviously something isn't working or we wouldn't be on cycle 14 right now. I'm tired of not being successful month after month after month. My dh and I always wanted to have 3 to 4 children and now I am thinking we won't even have 1 child. It's the worst feeling in the world when every week I see a post on facebook about another girl that is pregnant.

I'm so sorry that I am rambling and emotional. It's probably my AF talking. Maybe I will just do the whole JLIH thing, but I don't know. This is so ridiculously stressful and I envy the women that have unprotected sex once and ....OOPS! Guess I'm pregnant!

Please don't get offended, I just needed to get everything out.

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Awww Michelle what happened? Did you really start a full blown AF or are you just having some spotting? Spotting is common in early pregnancy. I would say if it hasn't started as a full flow and it doesn't soon to take another test but just a different brand. You took a $ brand right? I've had some weird results on them before but most people are really happy with them and say they can detect everything early. I wouldn't give up until AF shows her ugly face completely but I do know how you feel. Going through that month after month after month is awful. I believe it will happen for you though. A wonderful girl like you deserves a child! I don't see the world allowing you to not have any children. I really believe that. Giant hugs sweetie! I hope you feel better soon, and remember you're allowed to feel this way. It's not easy to go through. :bigarmhug:

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I'm so sorry Michelle, I hope that there is still a possibility for cycle! I know you know your body and you will probably know what is going on with you but I see that you noted spotting on your chart. As Leah said, spotting does happen during pregnancy...perhaps have another test and if that is still positive go in and get checked?

I hope you can find some relief and distraction from the disappointment of this cycle if it does turns out not to be. /hugs

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"Lily2006" wrote:

But I don't think I want to ttc anymore. POAS yesterday and got a positive just to have AF let me know it's on it's way today? Quite frankly I am feeling so darn depressed lately that I just can't take it anymore. Regardless of all of the "perfect" results DH and I have gotten from our testing, obviously something isn't working or we wouldn't be on cycle 14 right now. I'm tired of not being successful month after month after month. My dh and I always wanted to have 3 to 4 children and now I am thinking we won't even have 1 child. It's the worst feeling in the world when every week I see a post on facebook about another girl that is pregnant.

I'm so sorry that I am rambling and emotional. It's probably my AF talking. Maybe I will just do the whole JLIH thing, but I don't know. This is so ridiculously stressful and I envy the women that have unprotected sex once and ....OOPS! Guess I'm pregnant!

Please don't get offended, I just needed to get everything out.

You are allowed to feel the way you feel.

Wanting to have a baby is a feeling no one will understand if they have not been there themselves.

I cried for more that a year each month when were trying to conceive my baby girl Smile I got pregnant, happy as can be, only to have my heart broken a few days later when I lost my baby. :angel13: Had a d&c.... I started using staminogro the day after my op, and was blessed that month with my little princess.

The jorney it not easy (like you said the people that cannot look after their children get pregnant without trying)...but the prize at the end...WORTH IT!!

Don't ever be afraid to talk or vent...because that is what help to make us stronger and get us through the deep waters.

baby dust to you.... :fairy: and we are here if you need to talk

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:bigarmhug: How is it going? Is AF here for real?

Lily2006's picture
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Yeah, AF showed. I am feeling better today, dh was talking to me and made me feel better. He thinks we should definitely keep trying and that the time will come for us someday. I was so upset last night and I don't want to feel like that again and I think the way to avoid that would be no POAS until necessary. If I wouldn't have poas early, I would have never seen that false positive. Thanks for the hugs and kind words. I'm really sorry for the vent Sad

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"Lily2006" wrote:

Yeah, AF showed. I am feeling better today, dh was talking to me and made me feel better. He thinks we should definitely keep trying and that the time will come for us someday. I was so upset last night and I don't want to feel like that again and I think the way to avoid that would be no POAS until necessary. If I wouldn't have poas early, I would have never seen that false positive. Thanks for the hugs and kind words. I'm really sorry for the vent Sad

Aww Michelle I'm so sorry AF showed. I didn't want to say anything before AF showed and upset you but I did want to tell you that I had FOUR false positives on dollar brands in the last few months. And they looked like the real thing. I even took it to my doctor and he said "yep I would have called that a positive". After that I waited until AF showed instead of testing (until this month anyway) and I didn't get as sad each month. And that freed up money so I could get some tests I felt I could count on. I don't know if this will help or not but I hope it will. You're not alone. I cried over those dollar tests so many times. I have seen many that were the real thing though so I definitely don't believe they're all bad but I think they can be kind of hit and miss sometimes. Giant HUGS sweetheart. And vent all you like. You have every right to feel the way that you do. And we're all here to listen. Smile

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"Leah261" wrote:

Aww Michelle I'm so sorry AF showed. I didn't want to say anything before AF showed and upset you but I did want to tell you that I had FOUR false positives on dollar brands in the last few months. And they looked like the real thing. I even took it to my doctor and he said "yep I would have called that a positive". After that I waited until AF showed instead of testing (until this month anyway) and I didn't get as sad each month. And that freed up money so I could get some tests I felt I could count on. I don't know if this will help or not but I hope it will. You're not alone. I cried over those dollar tests so many times. I have seen many that were the real thing though so I definitely don't believe they're all bad but I think they can be kind of hit and miss sometimes. Giant HUGS sweetheart. And vent all you like. You have every right to feel the way that you do. And we're all here to listen. Smile

Thank you so much, Leah! It really does make me feel better to know I'm not the only one this has happened to. Like you said, even though some people have gotten accurate results from those $ tree tests, I don't plan on ever using one again, it was too heartbreaking!

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[QUOTE=Lily2006]Thank you so much, Leah! It really does make me feel better to know I'm not the only one this has happened to. Like you said, even though some people have gotten accurate results from those $ tree tests, I don't plan on ever using one again, it was too heartbreaking![/QUOTE

I'm so sorry this happened to you sweetie. It's just such an awful feeling to get your hopes up like that to find out it was the stupid test. And so many people say false positives are extremely unlikely and they act like they just don't happen but clearly they do. And it's not like your test was an evap either. It was pink for sure. Grr...I'm so mad at the $ tests for doing this to another person. Big HUGS!

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Man false positives make me so mad too! I went through the same thing with that blue dye test a couple of weeks ago Sad I have also promised myself I am not going to test until after my period is due from now on and I will only test with FR (we only have the FR test strips here sadly).

I'm so sorry Sad /hugs

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:bigarmhug: It's tough to keep trying when nothing seems to work. It took us three years to get pg with our DS. It was a rough time for both of us, but it was definitely harder on me. I watched other people get pg, give birth, and then get pg again while I was still waiting. It breaks my heart to see others go through the struggles and I truly hope you are pg soon.

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"mrs.doolittle" wrote:

:bigarmhug: It's tough to keep trying when nothing seems to work. It took us three years to get pg with our DS. It was a rough time for both of us, but it was definitely harder on me. I watched other people get pg, give birth, and then get pg again while I was still waiting. It breaks my heart to see others go through the struggles and I truly hope you are pg soon.

Thank you so much Beth. I really hate complaining/venting because I know there are women that have been trying longer than me. Sometimes I just think that it should have happened by now, you know? Which I am sure most if not all women think that at one time or another.

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There will always be women who are "worse off" in some way. Don't tell yourself that means you can't have the feelings that you have! I have watched a couple of women that were going through IVF with me get pregnant naturally with #2. Makes me think my body should be capable, too, so why can't it just happen already?

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I agree with Beth. Yes, other women have been trying longer, but that in no way invalidates your feelings. I remember feeling the exact same way sometime around 14 months - both times, actually. I will admit to being somewhat annoyed when women post about how long it's taking to conceive when it's only been 3 months, but by a year - 6 months, even - you're more than entitled to feeling frustrated and upset.

DH and I gave up full-fledged TTC a long time ago. It was just too stressful for us, too much of an emotional roller-coaster, especially after two miscarriages. So what we do now is more of a relaxed TTC, and it works for us. Well... obviously it's not working to get me pregnant :annoyed: (though that's what we were doing when DD was conceived), but it at least keeps me from going to pieces. I've refused to take a test until after AF for a while now, and I haven't charted since my last miscarriage. We never force ourselves to dtd, though we do try to time it well if at all possible. And while this relaxed approach doesn't prevent meltdowns, they're a lot less frequent than back when TTC was all we thought about all the time.

Hang in there! Remember that most women who want to get have a baby eventually do.

And I don't know what's up with the Dollar Tree tests... I've always used them, and got two of my three positives with them - and no false positives. Is this just a recent thing?

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Thanks Harmony Smile I'm feeling much better now, thank goodness. DH and I talked and we have a plan in place now. We picked up pre-seed to try this cycle. We have been using regular lube and just found out that even though it isn't a spermicidal, it still kills sperm...so I am sure that wasn't helping for the whole getting pregnant thing. I am seeing a ob/gyn on March 5th to check on my ovulation via vaginal ultrasound and on March 13th I am seeing an infertility specialist. I am just going to try my best to keep looking ahead instead of dwelling on what didn't happen (pregnancy)

As far as the false positive on the $ tree test, this just happened to me a few days ago.

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Michelle,
I am sorry to hear about the false positive. Glad to see you are feeling optimistic again. I have used pre-seed in the past. I think it works pretty well as far as a lube goes. Let us know how those appointments go. It is so hard to stay positive when you are going through this. I know when I hit 1 year of TTC, I had a meltdown. I think having these appts to look forward to will help you feel like you are being proactive and it feels like you are in more control.

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Thank you Kate. I agree, the appointments are definitely making me feel like I have something to look forward to instead of being stuck in a rut. I'm thinking something has to work, you know?

How's everything going on your end Kate?

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Michelle- thanks for asking! Im on CD 1. :shootself: I'm also heading to the doc soon. I want to tell her that I'm on the TTC train. I also have possible endo. I have held off on the lap till I was ready for to TTC again. So I think it's time. I also want her to check my tubes. I just want to make sure everything is checked and cleared.

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Definitely a good idea to get everything tested out right away, that way if there are any possible issues they can be resolved quickly and you can get your BFP sooner! Have you made the doc appointment already? Make sure to let us know how it goes for you! Smile