I have been so wound up about testing and obsessing about symptoms that it distracted me from thinking about the fact that I might actually be pregnant! I realized that last night and was like "holy sh*t, I might really be pregnant, which means I am going to have morning sickness and get huge and then have to go through LABOR again! And have a newborn again! And struggle through the first few weeks of BFing again! And do it all while chasing around a toddler!" It was a sobering moment. I definitely want to have another baby, but at the same time it is so scary! I don't want to scare any first time moms, having a baby is THE MOST AMAZING AND WONDERFUL thing you will ever do, but it is a total game changer and those first few weeks are tough (yet amazing and wonderful). Last night DH and I were in the kitchen eating dinner and watching our neighbor pacing around in the dark in his yard with his crying newborn in a snuggly and simultaneously trying to keep their 2 year old entertained so mom could make dinner. We were like "OMG, that will be US in a year!" Any other second time moms feeling the same way?
Kind of but worse, this will be our third, so we (and especially me since I'm a SAHM) will be outnumbered. I'm a little less naive I think than I was when we were ttc/pg with DS2, because DS1 was such an easy baby aside from some BFing struggles in the beginning, so adding another baby didn't seem like it would be too hard. DS2 has been a very trying child and is much much needier and demanding of my attention (but at least BFing has been a breeze with him lol.) I'm becoming more glad that he will be closer to 2 if we get pg within the next few months, because hopefully that will give him some time (at least 9 months) to become a little more independent.
I could have written your post. I am excited about the prospect of adding to our brood but am super-nervous about how we'l handle everything. The newborn phase is rough no matter how amazing and fun it is. I just keep thinking that having two kids will be exponentially harder than one. No more napping when the baby naps because my DD will have dropped her nap by then. There are days I want to pull my hair out because DD asks me eleventy billion questions, is whining, having a strop, not doing as she's told, talking back and I just want to lock myself away and I think, why would I want to add a newborn (maybe colicky) to this mix? But then I realize you always find a way to adapt to life's challenges and how lovely it is to watch DD learn and grow - it all goes by too fast. And I don't want to regret not having another one when DD is a tween/teen.
For me, the nerves are all about something going wrong because that's what happened with my first baby last year. I had no idea how many things could go wrong until then. It really is a miracle to have a baby, especially a healthy one. So many people take it for granted. I know I did before losing mine. This time around, the struggle will be to relax and enjoy the pregnancy - not to stress over the what ifs. Aside from that, I am scared of morning sickness. I didn't have it with my first, but I have a bad feeling that I won't be so lucky this time. I intend to be a stay at home mom after the baby is born, but I really need to work in the meantime. - And I would prefer to NOT tell my employer until I can't hide it anymore. I just started my job a month ago. Any advice?
I have been nervous about having #2 in the past, but I feel ready now. Last year at this time, I did not feel ready at all though. It's just been pretty recently that DH and I decided we wanted another one. My DS is 5 now and in kindergarten. He wasn't the easiest baby or toddler in the world, but not the hardest either. My fear of having more kids has been more a financial fear and I didn't want to just have another one to have to stick them in daycare all day when I was done with maternity leave. That is so hard for me. I stayed home with DS the first year and then when back to work and I want to be able to do that again. Dh has been in school, but now he is working & doing school. I work fulltime, but it would be intersting for 4 people to live on my salary alone! Anyway, I am sure it will still be an adjustment to have a newborn again!
I guess it's like anything else, you just do it. It's hard, but you have no choice and you just do it and you get through it. I've heard MS is worse with the second pregnancy, but everyone is different. Could be it just FEELS worse because you have to carry on with your day regardless, where as with the first you can take it easy, take a nap, etc.
Amanda, I'm so sorry for your loss. I can imagine an experience like that would make it especially hard to just relax and enjoy your pregnancy. I am hoping for a healthy, happy pregnancy for you this time!
I'm afraid of getting hit with MS this time too, DS2 follows me everywhere so I'm not looking forward to the possibility of him standing outside the bathroom crying and whining while I'm . I had extremely persistent nausea with the boys but I never threw up. And fwiw all of my early symptoms were less severe the second time around, I was less fatigued and less nauseous, but the later stuff all happened sooner, weight gain, back and hip pain, etc.
Amanda, I'm sorry about your last pg I had a m/c at 13 weeks with my first pg, I can't imagine how hard your loss was for you. Unfortunately that fear never goes away once you have a loss. When I was pg with DS2 I was in denial and had convinced myself that something was going to go wrong and it wasn't going to stick for probably like half of my pregnancy.
I do worry that I'll be so busy running after DD that I'll be much more sick than last time. I also worry about having more miscarriages, especially since I will be on my feet a lot more this time. I know "they" say that stress doesn't cause miscarriages... but it sure feels like they do.
But I think my biggest worry right now is that I won't be able to get pregnant, so these worries about a theoretical pregnancy and new baby are all mostly in the back of my mind right now.
Harmony, JM, A, & M Our preschool-at-home blog
6w5d on 6/19/07 hb of 107 bpm 10/1/07. Lost at 7w6d
I'm right there with you on this one! DD has been extremely high needs since we brought her home. She screamed and cried nearly non-stop for the first 3.5 months of her life. I'm due in April with #2 and I wonder what I'm getting myself into. I'll have a completely dependent and helpless newborn and I'll be chasing around a 19 month old! I can only pray that I get my VBAC so my recovery is (hopefully) quicker.
This Sunday DH is leaving for his new job. It'll pay a lot more money, but DH will be gone for 2 to 3 weeks at a time. I'll essentially be a single mom 75% of the time from now on. I'm completely terrified!