Obsession (venting)

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Joined: 11/16/11
Posts: 265
Obsession (venting)

So I've become obsessive with this whole TTC process. Like it is all I think about lately. We've been trying for about 10 cycles, so I went to the dr this week for finally get some direction. I'll be doing testing in 2 weeks (CD 20) and DH goes for SA tomorrow morning. I went for ultrasound today, and tech said "nothing looked worrisome", but I won't get results from DR for few days (prob after weekend). And since then, I've done NOTHING was think about the "what ifs".... I know I have a short cycle, usually start spotting 7-8 DPO. But I don't know if this is causing an issue. I've heard of several women getting pregnant with no issue even tho they had LPD. So then this makes me think that maybe it is something else. Then I found out that medicine that DH takes, allopurinol, can lower sperm count, UGH!
I am constantly googling/researching something - like clomid for LPD. Or what supplements help. I'm currently taking B6, royal jelly, maca, prenatal vit, vitex, and a supplement (with black cohosh, red rasp tea leaf, & dong quai) and today I bought some pre-seed. Seems a little excessive right?!!! & DH takes maca & multi-vit. Maybe taking too much is too much!?! I don't know what I'm looking for when searching online. I guess I'm hoping someone EXACTLY like me has the same issues, and I'll miracously get pregnant. ok ok, I realize that isn't going to happen. So yeah, looking isn't helping anything! Google is a fantastic tool, but also the devil, as I usually just get more upset. & I couldn't be happier when friends (or even women on here) tell me they are pregnant - b/c I realize how much they want it - but it's still upsetting since we having been trying for so long. I just want it, like, yesterday!
I just never realized how hard this would be! I told DH that we tried for years to NOT get pregnant, and now when we want to, we can't. I just don't know what to do anymore....I know this will all be worth it, when it actually does happen.
Is anyone else as crazy obsessive as I am?!!? Please tell me I'm not the only one..... Wink

Leah261's picture
Joined: 09/14/11
Posts: 1244

I'm easily as obsessive if not more so. Lol. I feel sometimes like I spend all of my free time looking things up on google and trying to understand more about my body and what to expect. I suppose what I'm really looking for is an exact answer as to when it'll happen which of course there is no answer. Lately I've just felt confused about everything that's going on and I just want answers! All the docs can tell me right now is that everything seems normal and I just need to wait for my next cycle and then everything will be just as it was but that's so hard to believe sometimes. So I know how you feel with the being obsessive. I obsess about everything and that's why I don't chart because I know if I do I'll do nothing else but stare at it all the time trying to decide what it means. Knowing me it'd be all over the place anyway since I get so many infection and that affects my body temperature. Plus I have PCOS and that might make it weird also...so yeah. Lol. I feel the same way as you. Believe me, you are not alone. I imagine there are many of us out there. Smile

mrs.doolittle's picture
Joined: 02/18/08
Posts: 1335

TMarie...I think I wrote that exact same post several years ago. We didn't expect that I would get pregnant right away. I was in my 30s. When we passed the 6 month mark I started to worry some. At 9 months I really started to worry. By the 1 year mark TTC had consumed my thoughts. I wanted to slap the people who said stupid things like "just relax and you'll get pregnant." Um, no, getting pregnant would require a decent egg meeting up with decent sperm and all of the stars being aligned. I scoured through scientific journals (I'm a biologist) and bugged our RE. I tried wheatgrass, CoQ10, and other supplements. I had a diagnosis so I turned to others with the same issue (DOR...diminished ovarian reserve...aka few, crappy quality eggs). That helped. Even though I wasn't pregnant I at least knew why. I became depressed and withdrawn as the time rolled by. It's tough. Really tough.

(PG MENT) We went up and down on that rollercoaster for 35 cycles before I got pregnant. I can't even tell you how much $ we spent or tears I cried along the way. Was it worth it? Absolutely! Would I do it again to have a second child? No. We still talk about TTC #2 quite a bit and we try timed bd'ing every cycle, but I refuse to get as obsessed as I was when TTC #1. (END PG MENT)

I hope you find an answer soon or just get a BFP and move on to a new chapter in your life. I'm sorry you have to go through this along the way though.

CamelNoodle's picture
Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 908

I think it's really easy to get obsessed. A lot of it feels out of our control, so we're trying to feel less out of control of what happens.

:goodluck:

Joined: 11/16/11
Posts: 265

Thanks ladies for sharing your stories and making me feel a little bit "normal" Smile I just need something to keep my busy! Since I'm not working full time, I have a lot of time to spend online. But I got some good news today - my dream school district posted a 2nd gr position, so I'm SUPER excited - hoping that I can at least get an interview....so now I'm obsessing over that. (which makes me feel SO MUCH BETTER! Smile )

Lily2006's picture
Joined: 05/16/11
Posts: 896

Yeah, you are definitely not alone. I'm on cycle 16 and all I can think about is pregnancy, and babies. I think about what it would be like to be pregnant, how happy DH and I would be if I got pregnant, etc. To be real honest I am tired of it but I can't stop thinking about it. I am tired of it because I don't WANT to constantly be thinking about it because it makes it worse that I am not pregnant yet. I was bawling my eyes out the other day to my DH because I feel as though I am a healthy 23 year old woman and yet my body doesn't even know how to do what it is supposed to. It makes me depressed and I cannot stand it. Before DH and I made the decision to TTC I was always so happy go lucky without a care in the world. Now I feel depressed and resentful whenever I see a pregnant woman (which is everyday because my coworker is pregnant, not to mention she won't stop talking about it) To be honest with you I hate the person I have become now that it has taken us so long. I ponder every day why in the world I am still trying when clearly something isn't right. But, like you I am obsessed with it and google everything trying to figure out ANYTHING that would increase my chances. Obviously, I haven't figured anything out yet.

Leah261's picture
Joined: 09/14/11
Posts: 1244

"Lily2006" wrote:

Yeah, you are definitely not alone. I'm on cycle 16 and all I can think about is pregnancy, and babies. I think about what it would be like to be pregnant, how happy DH and I would be if I got pregnant, etc. To be real honest I am tired of it but I can't stop thinking about it. I am tired of it because I don't WANT to constantly be thinking about it because it makes it worse that I am not pregnant yet. I was bawling my eyes out the other day to my DH because I feel as though I am a healthy 23 year old woman and yet my body doesn't even know how to do what it is supposed to. It makes me depressed and I cannot stand it. Before DH and I made the decision to TTC I was always so happy go lucky without a care in the world. Now I feel depressed and resentful whenever I see a pregnant woman (which is everyday because my coworker is pregnant, not to mention she won't stop talking about it) To be honest with you I hate the person I have become now that it has taken us so long. I ponder every day why in the world I am still trying when clearly something isn't right. But, like you I am obsessed with it and google everything trying to figure out ANYTHING that would increase my chances. Obviously, I haven't figured anything out yet.

Boy does this sound familiar. I feel that way too sometimes. I really do hate the person I've become sometimes on this journey, and I want to stop thinking about it constantly but don't know how. UGH! At least we know we aren't alone and we pretty much all feel this way.