Rant

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Leah261's picture
Joined: 09/14/11
Posts: 1244
Rant

Okay I just need to rant for a minute about pregnancy related things, mostly dollar tests. I'm only like CD9 or something so clearly not pregnant this month. I had a normal period that was actually maybe even heavier than normal and it was right on time. I knew I wasn't pregnant but I hear so many stories that sometimes it scares me into thinking that I could be and not know it. Plus there's that stupid show "I didn't know I was pregnant" which always scares you into thinking you could be the crazy person that doesn't know you're pregnant somehow. Well anyway, I was super nauseated today. It's probably from the antibiotic I'm taking for the sinus infection. I didn't think anything of it but wondered if I should take a test to confirm since I'm on so much medication right now. I just thought what if some freak thing happened and I was and I screwed it up because of these meds so I took a dollar test and what did it show? A line! It showing a effing line! I'm so sick of this! That's the 4th dollar test I've taken in the last 6 months that had a line. I didn't even look at it when I took it. I would be like 6 weeks or so if I was pregnant so I assumed something would come up right away and be dark and when I didn't see that I just left it sitting there in the bathroom and went about my day.

I meant to throw it away before DH got home and never mention it. Well when I got home he was asleep and he went into the bathroom and saw it. He didn't say anything about it but I went back in the bathroom later and noticed that he'd moved it and realized he must have seen it. I picked it up to throw it away and noticed the line. I showed it to him and said "did you see that? What a bunch of bs these tests are ridculous!" and he seemed to feel the need to tell me that if it was really positive the line would be darker by now. Like I'm a complete idiot who didn't know any better. Like I've become nothing more then a crazy woman who wants to be pregnant so bad I'm out of touch with reality or something. And this is just not the case. I got so mad! I was telling my mom about it and she started teasing me saying "well why did you take a test anyway it's not like you could be pregnant yet this month and if you were it wouldn't show up." And I kept telling her I knew I wasn't pregnant and there's no way I could be this month since I haven't even O'd yet and she just kept on and on. I asked her what her problem was and she said "Oh I'm just trying to aggravate you." I wanted to smack her. I mean REALLY? Yes it's so kind to aggravate someone going through this on purpose. I only told them about the stupid test because I was so pissed off to see a line when I know I'm not pregnant. I have no faith that when I am pregnant I'll know or that any test will be accurate. I just don't trust any of it anymore. And they have to go and make fun of me!

Sorry this rant was so incredibly long. If no one reads it I understand. I just don't understand why this process has to be made more and more difficult by the stupid piece of s### tests!!!!!!!!!!!!! They're going in the trash right now.

Joined: 11/16/11
Posts: 265

Oh Leah - don't worry about the rant! We all need that once in awhile - esp when you feel like the people closest to you aren't being supportive! I don't tell DH when I test anymore, b/c I don't want him to realize how obsessive I've become with the whole TTC journey....and honestly, neither of our parents know we're TTC either! It's been weird not being able to talk about it with my mother (or really my dad, whom I'm much closer with!) but I dont want them to 1) worry, or 2) get themselves totally pyched and excited before something even happens.
That's why I love this site, and boards, b/c I can get out all my obsessions out and can hear from women going thru the same things, its so nice isn't it.

Know that we're always here to lend an open ear :bighug:

Leah261's picture
Joined: 09/14/11
Posts: 1244

Thank you sweetie. DH says (and I think he's right) that the clomid hasn't quite left my system yet. Every now and then I have mood swings and I definitely had one tonight. He promises he didn't mean anything bad by what he said that he was frustrated too and just wants this to all work out already. He also said he wasn't going to make dinner at all this week since he's studying for finals but when I got up to make dinner he told me to go sit down and said he'd do it. He hugged me and let me cry for a while...stupid Clomid. But I feel better now. I'm going nuts waiting on the RE's office to call. I'm so afraid I won't get an appointment in time to start whatever treatment plan he has for us next cycle and I really don't want to miss another. I guess I'll deal with what comes though.

I'm also going stir crazy because for some insane reason all the schools in the county are trying not to use subs until after Christmas. I haven't worked a single day this week. I haven't left the house in two days. I told my mom I was coming over to her house tomorrow whether she liked it or not and that we'd go out and do things and make some pillows or something. Lol. Gotta stay busy...unfortunately it looks like next week will be like this also, and the week after. Grrr...

AnnaRO's picture
Joined: 07/06/08
Posts: 7033

Rant and vent away! That is part of what we are all here for. I completely understand your frustration. Even though I've never had a false positive on a test, I've heard about enough to not trust them much. I took about 10 tests when got my BFP with each of my pregnancies and was still nervous that they were all wrong until I got the dating u/s.

I say stick with the FRER's and/or get a blood test if you think that you might really be pregnant.

Joined: 11/16/11
Posts: 265

Oh that's awful about not getting any sub calls this week!! I know the feeling of not getting work and being home all day...it drives me crazy too!! and I don't want to go out b/c then I'm afraid I'll just spend money! hahaha. Luckily we just moved into new home, so I've been busy with house projects. and with the holidays I've been keeping busy with decorating.
and of course not working leaves too much time to obsess. hahahaha

momof5sweeties's picture
Joined: 02/08/06
Posts: 525

Ohhh Leah, you're making me tear up reading this. I'm so sorry you're going thru all this right now. :bigarmhug:

mrs.doolittle's picture
Joined: 02/18/08
Posts: 1335

:bigarmhug: So sorry you had to deal with all of that! And, don't worry...you aren't the only one who has tested after af. I gave up on even pretending to be a "normal" tester years ago. Just ask my DH. When I came home from work yesterday I told him that I was happy to have gained a day in my luteal phase. AF still hadn't arrived, but I wasn't pg. He jokingly said, "I'm sure you've tested 15 times." To which I replied, "Yeh, I think that's about how many times I tested this morning." I've used up my economy sized pack of opks and hpts in 4 cycles. I feel lucky though because I've never had a false positive. A few times I've thought there might be a line, but it didn't have color. If I turn a test just right I can usually find the test area.

All of this TTC stuff can really do a number on our emotions. Being stuck at home with days that are getting shorter and colder doesn't help. If you're feeling inclined, I would be willing to bet there's a non-profit in your area that would be happy to keep you busy during the pre-Christmas season. It'd be a win-win situation. Wink

Lily2006's picture
Joined: 05/16/11
Posts: 896

Leah, I am so sorry for everything you are going through! Please don't worry about ranting, we are here to support one another so rant away! I wish all of the best for you and truly hope that you get your BFP soon!

Leah261's picture
Joined: 09/14/11
Posts: 1244

"mrs.doolittle" wrote:

:bigarmhug: So sorry you had to deal with all of that! And, don't worry...you aren't the only one who has tested after af. I gave up on even pretending to be a "normal" tester years ago. Just ask my DH. When I came home from work yesterday I told him that I was happy to have gained a day in my luteal phase. AF still hadn't arrived, but I wasn't pg. He jokingly said, "I'm sure you've tested 15 times." To which I replied, "Yeh, I think that's about how many times I tested this morning." I've used up my economy sized pack of opks and hpts in 4 cycles. I feel lucky though because I've never had a false positive. A few times I've thought there might be a line, but it didn't have color. If I turn a test just right I can usually find the test area.

All of this TTC stuff can really do a number on our emotions. Being stuck at home with days that are getting shorter and colder doesn't help. If you're feeling inclined, I would be willing to bet there's a non-profit in your area that would be happy to keep you busy during the pre-Christmas season. It'd be a win-win situation. Wink

That's a good idea. I've been going with my mom to visit her neighbor who is in a nursing home right now and just lost her husband. That helps. My life is certainly nowhere near as bleak at that poor things. I'm doing a little better now. I think I was still working on getting the Clomid out of my system. It seems like it's gone now and I'm wondering if I may have even O'd already this cycle. I did finally get a job for tomorrow and one for a half day on Wednesday woohoo! I have to do my infusion for my immune disease on Tuesday and I think I'm doing something with my mom on Friday so I should be good for this week. Smile I just hope I hear from the RE at some point. That would help too just to know what direction we're going to be going in with that.

Thanks so much ladies for all the words of encouragement. Smile

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