stressed out today!

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CrysRee31's picture
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stressed out today!

Tonight is supposed to be DD's 8th birthday party, her first sleepover! She's so excited she can barely stand it.

I've been busy (even took a vacation day today to prepare), she's invited 3 little girls in her class and I've got all kinds of stuff for them to do; since it's the Christmas season we've waited to decorate the tree (it just has lights on it now), are making a gingerbread house, and I made cupcakes they can decorate themselves. Got her a new Barbie make up kit so they can do makeovers, picked up snacks and goodies for watching a movie etc...

Here's the really stressful part - no one has RSVP'd, no one has called for directions or anything! If no one shows tonight she's going to be heartbroken! I've tried calling the one mom I have a number for and her husband took a message last night but she's not called back (I did call again today but no answer) Sad
You see DD has some social issues due to ADHD and Oppositional Defiance Disorder, but she's made great progress in the last year and was even invited to her first b'day party (since kindergarten!) just last month by one of the girls invited - her 'BFF' She desperately wants friends but because she's different and has limited social skills she's often been shunned by the other kids. She's now in grade 3 where it really seems like the 'clique' thing is starting and girls turn mean. It breaks my heart every time I see her try to make a new friend only to be rebuffed yet again.... I am positive that this is behind her desperation for a sibling, she's so lonely!

Just needed to vent a little, my stomach is turning right now and I want to cry!

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Hey Crystal. Sorry about your stress. How rude of those mothers to not respond.

I hope everything turns out ok

CrysRee31's picture
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Thanks, I was starting to wonder if I was just the odd mom out, since I would have called to say one way or the other!

One girl did end up coming, the one who was actually only invited last minute, her mother must have called as soon as they got home tonight! Unfortunately she didn't stay the night so for the second time my DD's birthday sleepover was a bust. It really broke my heart when she cried after I told her that only one friend was coming and that she was going home tonight.

DD doesn't make friends easily, and has an even harder time when it comes to her peers. This may have been a disappointment today but it is still a small victory! In our house we try to savor those Smile

Deirdre your DD is adorable BTW!

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I'm so sorry your DD had to go thru that Sad it just breaks your heart to see that happen to the kiddos we love. While I have no children of my own, I'm an aunt, camp
Counselor and teacher, so I witness this often. does your DD belong to any clubs outside of school? (dance, sports) I ask bc maybe she'll make friends more easily w/ peers who have the same interest. Also if they don't go to school w/ her might be a good thing since there are no cliques. Or perhaps there is a support group where you can meet parents w/ children that have same struggles as your DD.

Your general concern for your daughter shows you're an amazing mom Smile she's very lucky to have you!

CrysRee31's picture
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Aww thank you Smile

She is in Cheerleading and swimming, she loves both. No friends really in either group but they only meet once a week so I think that will take longer to get to know each other in that setting.

She was in girl guides/brownies previously but we took her out this year, we had issues with the leaders, she was not allowed to attend events outside of the regular meetings without a chaperon of her own because she's 'busy' regardless of the adult/child ratio at the event and she was the only one who had this restriction. They singled her out and it was a rough year, she's very innocent and loved going, she had no idea they didn't want her there but the other girls didn't treat her very well - and she was often left out of the group so we steered her to Cheerleading in hopes that she'd find a place to fit in. She loves to perform and entertain as well as gymnastics and tumbling so it's been a good fit so far! Fingers crossed that she'll make some good friends. Actually I'd be happy if she even just had one really good friend.

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:lurk:
Crystal (((hugs))) I really wanted to post earlier but I'm having an issue on the iPod. I was praying at least ONE girl would show up. At least she did.
My 8yo son is in this EXACT boat; ADHD and not fitting in. Do you have neighbors that your daughter could be-friend? My son begged to invite friends to his birthday this year but I'm just so worried for the rejection. We at least could invite the neighbor girls he talks with over and then he was on cloud nine.
I know just what it's like to watch your sweet hearted baby live outside the radar. Sad It's one of the most heartbreaking things as a mother. If only we lived closer our LOs could be best pals. I just wanted to say, she's not alone and give some 'hugs' to you.

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I didn't see your message until now. Kids can be so cruel. I haven't been in this situation yet as a mother, but have watched from the sidelines with some kids that I care about very deeply. I'm glad at least one girl showed up for a while. And shame on those mothers for not contacting you! Surely there must be another child in your area with similar issues that is also looking for a friend? Hopefully, gymnastic and tumbling will lead to a friendship.

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Seeing as her school has no idea how do deal with her issues I'm guessing there is no one in our immediate area. We just keep working and she sees a psychologist who has helped wonders, teaching her some techniques for self control.

We miss her old school, she didn't really have any close friends there either but everyone at the school knew her and most liked her, even if she played alone most days.

Thanks for all the support ladies I really appreciate it!

With parenting everyday is a new adventure!!

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This breaks my heart. Sad My 12 year old son was diagnosed with ADHD, and ODD at 4 1/2 years old. It's been a struggle for him in social areas too. At school his best friend is his para, Nick. Nick works side by side with Ryan almost all day, every day. While I'm so happy that he adores Nick, I do wish he'd make friends his age, in school!

I agree that is really shi**y that the parents didn't rsvp. It seems so common, when the kids are at this age for parents to not respond. I've found that putting a "respond by" date, and an email address to rsvp to, tends to result in more people actually letting me know either way.

I hope as your daughter gets older, she'll only remember that mom did all these special things for her on her birthday, and that she had so much fun with her friend. All those good feelings will take presidence over the bad, so she won't even remember the hurt! ((hugs)) to you, and your beautiful girl.

CrysRee31's picture
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Some Pics from last night!

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CrysRee31's picture
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Thanks Hun!

I have heard from some other Mom's on and ADHD forum that the school system in the US really seems to provide good support for our kids. Here wee have nothing other than the occasional trip to the resource teacher but since her all out tantrums have basically stopped after moving from french immersion to the core English program she doesn't see her anymore. They were sending her there so the teacher didn't have to deal with her. :/ She is expected to do everything the rest of the class does and in the same way they do, even though despite meds she still has difficulty with her focus and impulse control. They even gave me a hard time for switching her schools! Life doesn't always work out how you plan and when I got a divorce I had to sell my house, and move Sad

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I'm pretty new to the boards, but this story kind of caught me. We have a family friend who adopted three of her nieces and nephews to remove them from a bad situation, and they go through some rough times wondering why they can't be with their parents. I know this situation is nothing like your daughter's, but the youngest girl in this family really likes me, and likes to spend time with me, despite the 14 year age gap.

Do you know of any older girls that might like to spend time with your daughter? Having someone a little older to look up to and spend time with can be great for young girls.. this, I can speak from experience, having moved around a lot and being bullied as a kid.

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I wish my little cousin was around more, she's great with her (she's 15) but she is into a lot of sports plus her family travels a lot lately, since my other cousin (her brother) is now playing major junior league hockey, they like to go watch him as often as possible since he's not living at home anymore (he's only 17 but had to move when he was drafted by a team in another city).

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That's too bad.. I wonder if they have any programs around your area like they have here? I used to volunteer for an organization who paired us up with kids, kind of like a big brother/big sister situation. I think I looked forward to visits more than the kids did!

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We do have a Big Brothers/Big Sisters program but that's adults spending time with kids and she spends a lot of time with adults. Her best friend is my 69 year old grandmother!

Being an only child and an only (great)grandchild until my nephew was born 3 years ago meant that she's always been around adults. I tried to make sure she had a chance to socialize with kids but none of my friends had any back then and most programs in our area are for kids 4 or 5 and up (including preschool). Sad