? for those TTC that have other children

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Joined: 03/02/07
Posts: 473
? for those TTC that have other children

Especially if it has been a while. I was pretty laid back about having a 3rd child for the beginning part of TTC. Now that it has been a pretty long time, I find that recently I am becoming very upset over interactions with people in real life who are pregnant, talk about being pregnant, talk about their friends/coworkers TTC experiences, all the baby related facebook posts, etc. Early on, this didn't happen to me, but now I get so down about it, especially if it coincides with the monthly disappointment of not being pg. It's been hard to shake lately.

Am I alone here, or anyone else feel this way? I know you can't help the way you feel, but it sort of bothers me that I am having this sort of reaction when I already have children, who I am very thankful for. I don't know how it feels to have infertility without having children already, so I can't say I know how that feels to have any comparison.

I have never pictured myself with only 2 children so that probably has something to do with it. It's starting to feel sort of unlikely I might get pg again (at least without intervention, which my husband is pretty much opposed to), so maybe it's partly trying to come to terms with that.

harmonybear's picture
Joined: 06/06/07
Posts: 639

I think it's normal to feel that way, even if you already have kids. While I'm not there yet, I definitely was there before DD was conceived, and I'm sure given enough time I'll get back there again.

Before marriage, DH and I saw ourselves with 4-5 children. But we've been married for five years, I turn 30 next year, and it's taking us 2+ years to conceive a child now, before the huge decline in fertility that's not so far away for me. And we don't want to use most interventions, either. So, yeah, it's hard to let go of my dream family, and I'm sure it'll get even harder for me the longer it takes.

This might make you feel better:

In cases where children are present, secondary infertility also brings with it a new kind of guilt: the guilt for feeling that one's child "isn't enough". This can be particularly devastating for people who had always planned on having a large family, or who come from large families themselves.

So, yes, what you're feeling is really normal! :grouphug:

AnnaRO's picture
Joined: 07/06/08
Posts: 7033

It took us 29 months to finally conceive our first. After that first year past by with nothing but BFN's, it became very difficult to be happy for anyone else's pregnancy. I found that I was almost bitter against any pregnant women I would see in public and it broke my heart to hear about other's TTC experiences, pregnancies, even children and babies.

It's completely normal and unfortunately I don't think there is anything you can do to change the way you feel, except try not to be openly bitter or negative about others. The only thing that will cure it is a BFP. I hope you get one soon!

Joined: 03/02/07
Posts: 473

Thanks for the feedback. I guess the best solution is to avoid what I can and try to stay positive.

Harmonybear, where did you find that quote? That just about sums it up for me, I think.

Joined: 04/21/08
Posts: 1063

I am sure it is normal, but I have worked very hard - yes, used my energy to be supportive to pregnant friends, those who have had babies recently, etc. This is the reason. I think I am going to be pregnant again one day. I am going to need these ladies to support me through that pregnancy and early baby days. So, I am paying it forward. I have been honest with my friends about our troubles, but I don't expect them to understand. Just like they didn't understand what it was to be a mother before they had their children. Sooooo... I put aside those feelings, because pregnancy and early babyhood is a very stressful time for a lot of people. Heck, I could be jealous of you because you have two babies. Lucky b!t$h... no wait, those are the feelings we are trying to repress. Good luck! Smile

Joined: 09/04/11
Posts: 6

I can totally understand what you feel. I too am trying for baby #3. DH and I had spoken when we got married that we would have 3 then he changed his mind because we had a boy then a girl and he was happy. He has recently agreed to have #3 and we just assumed it would be easy...DD was conceived after 1 time. But it hasn't happened and I love my children but I long for just one more baby to hold, to nurture, to nurse..etc. It hurts and even though I am happy for others becoming preggo I just can't help but think maybe we won't have #3 and I should be content with 2 and trust me I love them but I just want 1 more. So I think it is normal. My DH doesn't understand me but I thought maybe another lady would understand and I could find strength here. I hope you get your 3rd baby soon.

Joined: 03/02/07
Posts: 473

"neoncandle" wrote:

Heck, I could be jealous of you because you have two babies. Lucky b!t$h... no wait, those are the feelings we are trying to repress. Good luck! Smile

This is exactly why I am having trouble with my need for a third child. I agree, I am lucky to have what I have. It's not that I don't appreciate it. It's that I can't convince myself (yet) to stop this process and go on with life with what I have. I know that I so enjoy being a mom to the little ones and maybe I just don't feel ready to be done with that part of my life yet.

How about this.....I am actually envious of people who have two children (like myself), who don't want anymore and are "done" having children. I don't envy their having children, I just want to be content, and "done"!

Good luck to the rest of you also. Hope it is a short trip from here on out.

MrsJD's picture
Joined: 08/08/11
Posts: 125

I can relate. I swear half of my girlfriends are preggers right now. Even those TTC #2 and #3 "We didnt even try" Especially those with #1 calling me with questions... I just hope they are there for me too since its been over 4 years. Its amazing what you forget.