Thought this was an interesting article

8 posts / 0 new
Last post
E-Koz's picture
Joined: 02/16/11
Posts: 411
Thought this was an interesting article

http://www.npr.org/blogs/babyproject/2011/08/26/139974665/parenthood-got-you-down-youre-not-alone?sc=tw

I don't have children yet, so I can only identify with it so much--but I believe much of this is probably true. Anyway, it's making me feel better about enjoying my *me* time during this process.

harmonybear's picture
Joined: 06/06/07
Posts: 639

A lot of that rings true. I certainly can relate to the sleep deprivation feeling like torture. Wink

But there are a whole lot of caveats to this. First, I think there's something to be said for learning to love when it's hard, for learning to serve when you're tired, for learning to give when you have nothing left to give. Hard as it is, it makes us better people, better adults, better spouses, better employees, etc.

Children are a blessing and a joy. They're also pains. Smile But then again, my husband can also be a pain. And I am certainly a pain to him, too, probably more than I want to admit. My dog is a pain, too. She can't let herself out in the middle of the night when she needs to pee. She wants breakfast at 6am, even on the weekends. And - unlike DD - she'll never grow out of her dependence on us. But people love their dogs despite this, just like they love their children. I really do think it's all about perspective. Yes, babies and toddlers require more from you than your dog or your husband - much more - but it's really all the same thing when you boil it down.

And the zombie years pass very quickly - or so I'm told! Wink

Anyway, that's my $0.02. I'm curious to see what everyone else says.

AshG's picture
Joined: 02/02/07
Posts: 233

:lurk:
This article made me laugh because I complain all the time about my kids! I have no problem voicing how they are driving me out of my mind on a daily basis...in public. Because they do but then just when I'm about to lose my mind they make me laugh super hard and all the frustration is gone. For about 5 minutes, then it starts again. Lol Sometimes being a parent seriously sucks. But even when it sucks you still just love them so much. It's hard to describe. You love you're husband even when he pisses you off but it's not the same with kids. It's so unconditional with your kids. Anyways that being said I try to tell everyone with out kids to enjoy their me time but the irony is you can't really appreciate how blissful your me time is until after you have kids. Lol

Joined: 03/02/07
Posts: 473

Totally agree with the part about being sleep deprived and how frazzled parents of newborns are. But in the big picture it really doesn't last that long even though it seems like forever at the time. It's difficult, no doubt, and as cute as babies are, they aren't interacting with you all that much which makes it harder.

I don't think that most parents are trying to keep this to themselves though and paint a picture that it is easy. At least me and most of the parents I know!

Oh and you definitely get less "me" time after having kids, but arranging a little "me" time goes a long way for being your best the rest of the time with them! Even just play dates so you can talk to other adults!

Joined: 04/21/08
Posts: 1063

Our son had colic and I was a complete failure at breastfeeding (for many reasons) and those first months were stressful. But then they smile... and giggle... and steal your heart. I hope you travel (not that Des Moines isn't great.... but this is your time to take that flight to Europe and Hawaii and other far off places, because it will be harder once you have kids). Also, if you are not already doing fun stuff for yourself -- working out, art classes, yoga, whatevs... this is the time.

Hope you enjoy "you" time. It will make you a better wife and mother later. I promise.

Krystal6's picture
Joined: 08/25/11
Posts: 19

Honestly, the sleep deprivation isn't even the tough part. I think the worst part is realizing it isn't all sunshine and rainbows and the guilt that comes along with it. I don't think people are honest about how much work it is, and they don't share the moments that they feel defeated. When all you hear about are the great and wonderful things, and it truly is great and wonderful, you somehow get a picture in your head that it will always be great and wonderful. It's not.

There was a time when my daughter was a bit colicky. There was nothing I could do to soothe her, and I felt like a complete failure. I would get frustrated and angry, and then I would feel completely guilty for it. I didn't know that frustration and anger were normal emotions to have, so I beat myself up over them.

There were also soooo many times when I felt unappreciated. I was working hard to be the perfect mom, and I didn't have anyone thanking me for my troubles. I was breastfeeding my baby, and going green, and making her baby food, and blah, blah, blah. I just wanted someone to notice the lengths I was going to for my child and tell me I was doing a good job. There's nothing quite like a little affirmation. I became slightly resentful. That was another emotion I wasn't prepared for. Which led me back to the guilty feeling, I shouldn't feel resentful for something that I SHOULD be doing for my baby.

There were also times where I did miss my me time and time alone with my husband. I missed having nothing to do. I sometimes wanted a break. I felt awful for this. I shouldn't want a break from my baby. What kind of selfish person was I?

The bottom line is I wouldn't have had to have felt near the guilt I did if women were honest about these moments. It took me a great deal of time to come to the realization that I wasn't a horrible mother but instead a human. Being a mother is the most precious gift I have ever received. I have so many gratifyingly wonderful moments, but I also have bury my head in a pillow and scream moments. At the end of the day, though, the good outweighs the bad exponentially.

E-Koz's picture
Joined: 02/16/11
Posts: 411

Krystal--that was INCREDIBLY well written!!

Krystal6's picture
Joined: 08/25/11
Posts: 19

Thanks, Erin! I'm totally an English teacher. LOL!