Hi everyone. Sorry I haven't been around. I thought I'd do more posting while on vacation, but turns out, I didn't.
My main goal since the end of my last IVF cycle was to really work on making myself mentally better able to handle all this, and I was feeling better by the time we left for our trip. Then, the first day we were there, there were at least 5 joyful facebook pregnancy, gender or birth announcements, all from friends having their 2nd, 3rd or 4th children, and 3 of whom had been pregnant the same time as me when I had my last child. I wish I could say it didn't affect me. But my shaky, feeling-better self just went into a major sad episode, again. That was when I decided I needed to stay away from FB much, much more, which turned into mostly just staying off the internet all together. I did some serious running, went on a shopping spree, had a few dinners out with cocktails with my husband, got lots of sunshine, read a few books and got in lots of time in with my kids. It was a great time. By the end of the trip, I felt SO much better about all of this. I could actually see a happy future ahead, without any more kids, and without all the stress and sadness I've had for so long. It's so tiring.
I knew being home, and being back in normal routine would bring it back a bit, and it did, but I still feel much better. I was somewhat dreading my follow up appt with the doctor. I don't feel quite ready to give up yet, and I was worried about getting more bad news. I guess it went better than I thought it would, because the doctor thinks there is still hope. He felt that my peak estrogen was a bit low last time, and for someone my age we didn't get as many eggs as we should have, for starters. Plan for next cycle is to use different stim drugs that they can adjust more, use ICSI (which we didn't last time), and he put me on DHEA 3x/day for at least the next month until we get started. I asked him if there was a reasonable chance that it would work and his response was "absolutely". Of course he said the same thing after the single embryo transfer, but whatever.
So I am waiting for AF next week and then will start BCP for 3 weeks, then start the injections. I am feeling calm about it right now, but I know that will change. The other thing is that I am medication free right now-I'm not even taking the progesterone I've been on since last year and I am now more convinced than ever that that seriously affects my mood. It's hard to think of starting the whole process over again, and I am not sure if it doesn't work this time, if I want to go through with round 3. Not telling my husband that because I'll probably change my mind, but that's what I'm thinking right now.
I see there's been several new posts, but I don't have time to catch up on all the threads right now. I'll come back later!