Meg, I need to clean my house too. It's pretty clean but I'm nervous because Hubby's grandpa is coming to visit from California this week and I feel like I need to have the house in tip top shape. We haven't seen him in years. He's a very nice man but very proper. I don't know how else to describe him...he's very...um...old school? Does that make sense? The weather has been pretty nice here so I've been doing a lot of yard work but I need to get the inside cleaned up as well.
Oh okay, I see about the bcps. I hope Lo-Ovral works out better for you. I'm taking Loestrin 24 FE and I don't like them one bit.
So jealous about everyone's boats! Sounds like so much fun! :D I don't blame you about the meter man...I'd probably make them as long as possible...lol.
Jenni, I'm glad to hear the current clinic has been so much nicer. GL with the trigger and have fun with the sleep-over!
Mimi, Yay! So glad everything seems to be going so perfectly this time around!! I hope things continue to go smoothly! :yahoo:
Kara, I'm glad the staff at the clinic were so friendly and made you feel at ease. I can understand why you would want to guard your emotions a little closer this time around. ((HUGS)) I'm sending you extra positive vibes your way for your upcoming cycle. :D
The weather here has been really nice...I've been doing some yard work but I've been suffering from extreme fatigue so not a whole lot of exercise. I want to get out and do things but I just don't seem to have the energy. I guess it's a combination of bcps and depression....
AFM, I have a quick vent. Hubby and I had a little *tiff*. Ugh! We NEVER argue but I guess my hormones are all over the place and well....you know....
Hubby called to tell me that he spoke to the authorizations lady over at the clinic and was told that PGD is not covered by our insurance because neither one of us have any genetic issues. Well...I already knew this but was under the impression it was going to be covered anyway because everyone at the clinic was all like "you guys have amazing insurance and everything is going to be covered". I was told that we have been authorized to 3 rounds of IVF for this calendar year. I though this meant everything would be covered. I guess there was a disconnect somewhere because the authorizations lady didn't know we were doing PGD. I'm not concerned about the money....so I'm not even sure why I'm so upset. I guess I'm concerend that we're not all on the same page. I'm just frustrated that nothing has gone according to plan. I know that I should expect the unexpected but it's just frustrating. Anyway, Hubby made a comment that I found was a bit insensitive and I just lost it. I know I'm extra hormonal so I'm to blame too but he really made me feel like cr@p. We hashed it out and I feel a lot better now but still very emotional. He really is wonderful 99% of the time but today he just said the wrong thing at the wrong time I guess. Please tell me it gets better....I feel like such a wuss to be this emotional so early in the process....~sigh~
Jina...sorry you had a tiff with DH. Everything you are going through right now is very tough. IVF is hard in so many ways including marriage. It's hard for DH's to understand everything we are going through with all the hormones and feeling like everything is on us. Plus I'm sure they are worried and stressed also. Had I wanted to do another IVF cycle, I think I'd be divorced now, it was that hard on us. We took a long 8 month break just to bring focus back on ourselves as a couple. You both need to be there for eachother, you'll have your ups and downs.
Kara - I'm glad that the appt went well. I hope that as the process continues, you feel more and more at peace about your plan.
Is it wrong that I'm secretly glad that I'm not the only one who needs to clean her house? ;)
Jina - I'm sorry that you are having a rough go right now. I agree that this is hard business. I'm sorry that there was a mix-up with the finances. My DH is a total 'fixer' and it bothers him that there is nothing he can "do" about this. I have found that it's key to be up-front with him as to what I need and what doesn't help the situation. It is a balancing act for both of you. Good luck with it all!
Meg, thank you. I think you're right. I think Hubby is probably just as stressed as I am but at the same time I don't think he really *gets* what I'm going through right now. I know that I'm also probably being a little irrational too so it makes me feel even worse....I dunno. I hope we are successful because I honestly would have to think long and hard about doing this again. My marriage is very important to me but so is having a family. It's going to be a tricky balance for sure.
Jenni, thank you....we did have a good talk and it's our policy to hash our whatever is bothering us right then and there. I just don't want this to come between us...you know? Hopefully I'll get a better handle on my emotions and Hubby won't say anything to make me upset.
Thanks again ladies....this board and thread is really awesome. I just feel better by letting it out....kinda sucks not being able to talk about this to anyone IRL. I'm so glad I have you guys! :D
Jina-wanted to chime in about your "tiff" with DH. Looking back over the last year or so, I've realized just how much DH and I not being on the same page was affecting me. Just for background, he always hesitated about having a 3rd child (but, he hesitated with the other two also-if left to him we might not have had the others). But, when I wanted to start "trying" for #3, it was not hard at all to sway him. He went along easily. If that had been all it took, we would never have had the challenges we've had over the last year. We really weren't on the same page, and it put a rift between us. The more that happened-surgery, early losses, month after month with no BFP, the less he thought we should be doing this. And the more I wanted it.
He eventually agreed to go through with IVF, but he really is doing it for me, rather than any desire on his part. (but, I did detect a little excitement when we got to the transfer last time, and he has said he knows he will love another child, if there ever is one) I think part of the reason I am feeling so much better about this, and life in general, is that we are talking much more openly about it. He doesn't "get it" totally, but I've had to just accept that. He got really frustrated during the last IVF cycle when I got all upset the day I had to add the prometrium unexpectedly. He actually said, "I don't get it, you were fine yesterday!!".
I was thinking this morning that I would need to tell him to expect random teary outbursts once we start this IVF.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I know how it feels to feel like you are not on the same page. o I am glad you seem to have open communication about it.
Gotta run, more later.
Kara - thanks for sharing that with us. It really does help to know that others, unfortunately, are dealing w/ the crazies as well. Sunday I completely lost it for no reason. DH asked me why I was crying and I told him that I didn't know which made me cry even more :ROFL: He started trying to say things to make me feel better but it wasn't working. Finally he just said "What can I say that won't make you cry?" Then he just hugged me while I sobbed. :) I have found that it works for us when I 'warn' him that I'm feeling off. That way he knows to be on alert. This whole thing is so hard. Big hugs!
This workday is almost finally over (although you ladies have really helped me get through it!!) so I'm off to the in-laws for the night. Have a great night everyone!
I had to run off real quick to get the door!
Jenni-I can totally see the crying episode taking place. I think mega-hormones and stress can explain that!
I used to bottle up my emotions much more, knowing that DH wouldn't get it, but now I will just tell him when I am having a bad day. He has said before that the situation sucks, and he doesn't know what to say or do to make it better. I had to tell him once that just sitting with me, or a hug, may be the best thing. He has gotten so much better. But, it has been a long road. I think sometimes that I might look back and see that working through this was actually a good thing for us.
Have a relaxing evening!
Here is what I'm thinking. Although women in general are planners, men like to cover all their "what if" situations. DH did not want to start IVF until we had a solid plan. If it was up to me I would continue to do cycles until I get a BFP, but that is not realistic because we do not have insurance coverage for IVF and our finances are not unlimited. Also, as much as I would love to have a child, I want to be financially secure. We took a deep look at our savings and figured out that there is enough money for one IVF cycle. If we are successful then great. However, if we are unsuccessful then we have enough to go thru adoption process. Here is where we had a problem: my first IVF cycle was cancelled. Do we count that as ONE cycle or do we disregard it? We had a long discussion and figured out that we can allocate another 3K for IVF, but here is where we got into an argument. He wanted to make an immediate decision about our next step if this cycle gets cancelled, I was not ready to talk about that. We decided to let me think about it and then revisit the issue later. Making the decision was the hardest thing I had to do, but I decided that this is it. I cannot continue to stress about this any more. I love my husband, I enjoy our marriage and life together and I know that will always make me happy whether we have children or not.
I must say that finality of our decision is not easy, but at least I know where we stand.
Kara, thanks for sharing your experience. I think it says a lot of about your DH the fact that he's agreed to ivf even though he was a bit hesitant about having a 3rd child. You have a really good DH there I suspect he's more into the idea than he lets on. Hubby says the same thing to me all the time. One day I'll be fine and they next I'll be a mess and he just won't get it. He'll ask what's changed between yesterday and now?! I know that it's been difficult for him too and also know that he desperately wants a child just as much as I do. I need to remind myself of that more often.
Jenni, Sorry you lost it the other day. I wish this whole process was easier. I didn't realize how hard it would be emotionally.
I'm a type of person that likes to plan. DH is the "it is what it is and there is nothing we can do to change anything" type of person. I wish I was more like him. My planning personality causes me a lot of stress. I'm not good when we have disagreements. I tend to bottle everything up inside of me, like you Kara, and don't talk about it but I do get over it. DH, on the otherhand, can hold a grudge for days over things. Takes after his parents that way.
Mimi...if it were me I'd count that first cycle as a cycle. I counted my first cycle where the embryos arrested and didn't make it to transfer as a cycle. You went through everything and still had the expense. I'm glad you and DH have a plan if this cycle doesn't work. I know it's hard to think of it not working.
Jenni...good luck with your trigger tonight. One more day closer to ER!!!
My legs are so tired today. Between the bike riding, Zumba and cleaning today, they're tuckered out. DH said he might be able to be convinced to give me a massage ;)