I really don't know how I did 3 cycles of IVF either. I was kind of the energizer bunny. Throughout each cycle I'd dread having to do another cycle but once I got started I just kept going. Even during my last cycle my mom asked me "if this doesn't work, when is enough enough?" I was not "myself" at all through all of them and my family was becoming quite worried. At that point my answer was that I was going to keep going until I had a baby. After my last failed cycle it became apparant that I was done. I really didn't have to think much about it. I think it was God telling me "enough is enough." Had I gone through another cycle I would be divorced right now. It caused so much strain on my marriage and family that we wouldn't have made it. Looking back I feel like I wasted all that money, time and emotion on those cycles since it was so easy for me to be done. But with doing all that I know that I did everything I could to try to grow our family.
I can understand that. It is so much to go through, and your household was so busy as it was. As far as feeling that you wasted time, money and emotion - I think there is a threshold where we all have to get to before we would be at peace. Should things not work out, I know that we are committed to taking at least 6 months off of TTC, maybe even 12 months out of the REs office before we would even think about returning. We just need time to live our lives and enjoy what we have - which like you, is a lot. And now that you have decided to commit yourself to what you have, you open yourself up for a lot of opportunities. I know this may seem like empty words, especially coming from me right now... and I hope not to offend. But I think you bring a very valuable perspective to this board.
On a side note, studying is not going well. My ridiculous RE prescribed me phenergan instead of zofran which makes functioning impossible. I see him on Tuesday and I need to find a nice way to tell him that. They know my profession. If that does not go well, I will have one of my friends call it in for me. Also, my insurance apparently only covers 12 pills a month - so we will be paying cash for it. Considering what we have already spent, I don't care. I need to function. Our whole family is relying on that.
Yeah, I think it'd be worth it so pay cash for your Zofran if the Phenergan is making you non-functional. Hopefully your RE will change it easily for you so you don't have to bug a friend. Maybe he was thinking about the cost and prescribed the Phenergan since it's a lot cheaper.
Don't worry, you didn't offend. It really takes a lot to offend me. I am focusing on what I have now, not what I don't have. I enjoy things so much more. I have so much to be thankful for to sit and dwell on one down point in my life. I did kind of weigh the advantages and disadvantages of having another child. I know that sounds horrible. One of the advantages was that I'll 37 when all of my kids are graduated from high school. Then DH can semi-retire and we can travel and do all the things we weren't able to do when we got married since we already had kids.
Yard sale went well. Lots of hard work but my mom and DH helped out a ton. We made some $ to put in the "baby fund" which is great! Honestly, I just wanted to make back the $23 in signs/ads I put in so I could break even :ROFL: I think we could have made more $ if I wasn't as concerned about getting rid of the stuff. Whatever didn't sell went straight into my car and over to the Goodwill.
Hope everyone is doing well!
Jenni...glad the sale went well. We just wanted to get rid of our stuff also when we had sales. Towards the end of the day we just started putting stuff at the end of the driveway marked free. It was amazing how many ppl loaded up their cars with stuff. Then what was left we took to Goodwill. Garage sales are a lot of work getting them put together and getting everything marked. Then you always have to worry about rain.
Fortunately (but unfortunately for the farmer's tan I'm currently rocking), it was sunny and in the upper 80's all morning. We haven't had much rain the last couple of weeks and I could use a good summer storm right about now.
As for the earlier statement from Tiffany regarding doing IVF multiple times. I'm at the point right now where the thought of not being a mother is worse and more devastating than ANYTHING IVF could do to me. That being said, this last cycle was the hardest physically and emotionally. The plan as it stands now is to pay for 2 more cycles (just because it's almost 50% cheaper to buy 2 at once). I'll start the process with my July cycle (which I'm not sure when will happen since I'm on CD46 and that's with a 10-day cycle of Provera under my belt - stupid body and stupid post-loss hormones :( ) with the hopes of doing the procedure in August. IF it does not work (a prospect I'm not quite ready to deal with yet), then we will wait until at least 3 months and try again. Then that's it. But like I said, the thought of not being a mother is terrifying.
:bigarmhug: Jenni...I'm glad you have a plan. I would take each cycle at a time. It's so hard to think about the "what if it doesn't work out?" and we spend so much time focusing on the negative when that may never happen. Hopefully AF will show soon so you can get the ball rolling for you next cycle.
Jenni- its all such a hard personal decision. Im glad you have a plan. I am glad the sale went well. I am praying you are successful this upcoming time. IF is incredibly hard.
Loads and loads and loads of :blowingdustblue:
Hi everyone. Lots to catch up on here.
Apologies for not keeping up better. I am totally aware that this is a blessing, and I don't want to sound like I am complaining, but I'm struggling a bit to keep the energy up for daily stuff right now. I'm either nauseous, or starving and sooooo tired all the time. After a busy day, at work or at home, I am usually just getting my pj's on and going to bed.
Tiffany-when I had phenergan with the morphine when I had the internal bleed, I was basically incoherent. I couldn't even finish my sentences without forgetting what I was talking about. I've never taken Zofran, but it must be worth it vs. phenergan!
Meg-your lake house sounds lovely, and glad you had fun at the wedding. And I love the idea of retiring and then traveling. There are tons of places I hope I get to visit someday. I know what you mean about IVF stressing a marriage.....it definitely did that for us. I know there is no way I could push my husband to do any more stim cycles, and it wouldn't feel right for me either. I am still worried about this pg working out and I don't even know if he'd do a FET in that case, he is so done and frustrated by the whole thing, whereas I would go through an FET. It's still a source of problems between us, (that we've had to discuss because of insurance reasons), but that is how he is about it. Actually, before IVF, infertility itself really stressed my marriage. If we'd gotten pg with #3 easily, we would have never encountered all the issues. One of those things about infertility that is just globally unfair.....I'm hoping we can look back later on and see how it was good for us to have gone through it all.
Jenni-so glad the yard sale turned out. I have never done one! It must be such a good feeling to clean out the house. That is badly needed around here. Sorry for the long cycle you are having.....I had a really weird cycle after my loss at 5 weeks last year. It's crazy how your body reacts even when it happens early. Thinking of you and hoping it resolves itself soon. About making friends.....I've always been somewhat shy and I am always having to remind myself to overcome that and go out of my way to talk to people and even organize gatherings. The friends I have that are really outgoing never worry about getting their feelings hurt if it doesn't work out and I'm always trying to remember that. So congrats on leaving your "comfort zone"! It will be worth it. Glad the counseling has been helpful.
Mimi-So jealous of your trip to Cancun. I was there once a long time ago and it was so much fun! A little R and R can really help clear your mind. Good to hear your counselor is helpful also....it has really helped me in lots of ways. And your picture is beautiful!
vanstratnr-good luck with your upcoming appt! keep us posted.