Coming out of the closet - introduction
Hi y'all. I just posted on a different website and since I feel like I know y'all better than the ladies over there, I thought I'd copy it and post it here too. (The other website is specific to DE, which is why I was there as well as here.)
Background - I'm 45, DH is 42. Married 3 years, 4 miscarriages, 1st and last had heartbeats, the other two didn't make it that far. Tried to get cause with the last one, however no fetal tissue to culture/test. All opinions are that cause is AMA.
I resisted DE initially but after the last miscarriage, I realized I didn't care anymore - I just wanted a baby. Husband is grieving my genetic loss more than I am. We looked at adoption, and are considering it for future growth of our family, but would like to have *one* happy ending pregnancy. I'm tired of seeing good ultrasounds followed by bad ones.
We did IUI's etc (no go, all pg's were unassisted) between #2 and # 3 at a very highly rated local facility, however we didn't connect with the MD. He knew his stuff, but I couldn't connect with him. When we decided to go DE, another local facility advertised that they were building a vitrified DE bank and because they were learning they had *great* prices, as in base cost of $25k for four cycles, with premiums for various 'risks'.
Sadly we didn't ask enough questions - it never occurred to us to ask how much the premiums were. We got hit with 2 premiums - 1 for BMI, mine is just over 28, and the premium hits on 27. *eye roll*. The other one was for recurrent miscarriage - which was a major emotional slap to get penalized for when THEIR OWN DOCTOR stated that he felt our losses were due to AMA, which is why we were doing DE in the first place! The premiums were 11K, taking the cost to $36K for their guaranteed program - frozen egg. Their base price for a single cycle frozen is $10K - so to get the guarantee, I could have to do as many as four cycles, for a mere $4K less than paying for each cycle outright. We could do a split cycle fresh for about 12K - but now I'm worried about hidden costs, and when I went back to check their SART data, now that we're considering a fresh cycle - their stats for 2010 are not good.
So now we're right back where we started 4 months ago = looking at going back to our first clinic, having to go through the whole chose a donor thing, not even sure when we'll be able to get an appointment there. The one thing clinic #2 had going for them was that we LOVED the doctor.
How important is the actual physician in the procedure? Is he really the one doing the embryo work or is it technicians behind the scenes? Does anyone know?
I'm so frustrated that we wasted so much time on this second clinic thinking we were getting a bargain. I'm tired of thinking about it, worrying about, feeling like we're ready to go, and then starting over again... and again... and again. Some days I just want to say enough. Growing a family shouldn't be so da** hard.