Coming out of the closet - introduction

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Last seen: 2 years 8 months ago
Joined: 10/06/09
Posts: 183
Coming out of the closet - introduction

Hi y'all. I just posted on a different website and since I feel like I know y'all better than the ladies over there, I thought I'd copy it and post it here too. (The other website is specific to DE, which is why I was there as well as here.)

Background - I'm 45, DH is 42. Married 3 years, 4 miscarriages, 1st and last had heartbeats, the other two didn't make it that far. Tried to get cause with the last one, however no fetal tissue to culture/test. All opinions are that cause is AMA.

I resisted DE initially but after the last miscarriage, I realized I didn't care anymore - I just wanted a baby. Husband is grieving my genetic loss more than I am. We looked at adoption, and are considering it for future growth of our family, but would like to have *one* happy ending pregnancy. I'm tired of seeing good ultrasounds followed by bad ones.

We did IUI's etc (no go, all pg's were unassisted) between #2 and # 3 at a very highly rated local facility, however we didn't connect with the MD. He knew his stuff, but I couldn't connect with him. When we decided to go DE, another local facility advertised that they were building a vitrified DE bank and because they were learning they had *great* prices, as in base cost of $25k for four cycles, with premiums for various 'risks'.

Sadly we didn't ask enough questions - it never occurred to us to ask how much the premiums were. We got hit with 2 premiums - 1 for BMI, mine is just over 28, and the premium hits on 27. *eye roll*. The other one was for recurrent miscarriage - which was a major emotional slap to get penalized for when THEIR OWN DOCTOR stated that he felt our losses were due to AMA, which is why we were doing DE in the first place! The premiums were 11K, taking the cost to $36K for their guaranteed program - frozen egg. Their base price for a single cycle frozen is $10K - so to get the guarantee, I could have to do as many as four cycles, for a mere $4K less than paying for each cycle outright. We could do a split cycle fresh for about 12K - but now I'm worried about hidden costs, and when I went back to check their SART data, now that we're considering a fresh cycle - their stats for 2010 are not good.

So now we're right back where we started 4 months ago = looking at going back to our first clinic, having to go through the whole chose a donor thing, not even sure when we'll be able to get an appointment there. The one thing clinic #2 had going for them was that we LOVED the doctor.

How important is the actual physician in the procedure? Is he really the one doing the embryo work or is it technicians behind the scenes? Does anyone know?

I'm so frustrated that we wasted so much time on this second clinic thinking we were getting a bargain. I'm tired of thinking about it, worrying about, feeling like we're ready to go, and then starting over again... and again... and again. Some days I just want to say enough. Growing a family shouldn't be so da** hard.

Last seen: 3 years 5 months ago
Joined: 04/21/08
Posts: 1063

What are the clinics success rates? Matters a lot more to me than if i connect with the doctor. The lab has a lot to do with success, as do the protocols. I would definitely want some hard and fast facts.


meggyrn's picture
Last seen: 1 year 2 months ago
Joined: 02/16/09
Posts: 2263

I think it's person dependent on if you care whether you connect with the doctor. You do see more of the nurse and techs than your doc. Having a doc you connect with does make the experience better. Our first RE was a complete jerk. We put up with him. He had too big of an ego, then when we wanted to switch to his partner (after talking to his partner and him accepting us) we got a certified letter in the mail saying we needed to seek treatment elsewhere. He fired us because we wanted to see his partner. Sometimes getting more bang for your buck isn't always the best. I'm sorry you wasted so much time researching this other clinic but now you know your options. Had you not spent the time checking it out you'd always wonder if that was the clinic for you or not.

-kate-'s picture
Last seen: 3 years 5 months ago
Joined: 02/23/12
Posts: 460

Hi Carole,
First off, so sorry for your losses. As far as the doc, I think it is important, but not vital. As Meg mentioned, you see the nurses and techs more than the doc. And like Tiffany mentioned, go with the overall stats. Hoping that you get going soon. KUP on all your appointments and news!

mom2robbie's picture
Last seen: 1 year 11 months ago
Joined: 01/20/07
Posts: 2541

Hi Carole. I know for me, my RE said that the only way for IVF was DE and I am 43. I can't imagine what kind of premiums I would be hit with at that clinic- obese, diabetic, age, recurrent loss .... for a donor cycle here it is about $8500. I still need to check what my IUI will cost.

I don't have a choice of what clinic to go to, there are 2 in my province - 1 in the city I am in and 1 about 400km south of us. There may be for profit centers but I am not sure. Anyway, I am lucky as my RE and the whole clinic staff are amazing. Not sure what I would do in your situation. For me it is important to like the doctor but I am not sure how things are set up there, here my RE does everything - my hsg, etc. Up to last year he did deliveries too.

Good luck.