Debriefing appt

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DancingNancy's picture
Joined: 08/30/11
Posts: 520
Debriefing appt

I'm not sure where to start with this so I'll just get to the point. It was bad. Really bad. The dr came in and said "This is a really rough conversation to have." Apparently we have 3 options and none of them are good. My DOR is getting worse and there's a worry that in a year or so I'll have no eggs left. In full disclosure, I am overweight but not morbidly so. Since we are out of explanations, the dr thinks my weight may be a large factor as to why we haven't gotten pregnant again. He suggested lap band only because it would be a quick way to lose a lot of weight (again since we don't have much time left). Both DH and I shot that down - only because it's not a good option for me for a myraid of reasons. He did say we were welcome to try another clinic but we would probably run into the same problems. Or we could use donor eggs. I'm not comfortable doing ANY of the options. As it stands now, we are going to take a 5-6 month break (and PRAY that a) ARC will still honor our package deal and b) most importantly - that my eggs are still "good"). During this time, DH and I both are going to try to lose 50 lbs or more and see if that helps any. I'm so scared and sad and angry and overwhelmed. The negative voices of "this is your fault, you're broken and a big fat cow" that I've tired SO hard to quiet have been so loud the 18 hours. I know in the end it's going to all work out but man, why does it have to be so hard?

Joined: 03/02/07
Posts: 473

Hi Jenni. Sorry the news at your appointment was not better. Is the doctor going my your AMH/FSH to judge that the DOR is progressing?

I am sad that you are sad and are going through this. The situation is simply not fair and you did NOTHING to deserve it. I am no expert, but I've never heard of a relationship between DOR and weight or BMI. Nobody is perfect with diet, health, etc....please try not to beat yourself up. That said, I hope you find a reasonable and doable plan with your husband to lose the weight you want to lose.

I may have brought this up before, but have you considered any alternative treatments/supplements to improve egg quality. Anything I know about DOR I've learned from this forum and others, but it seems like there are many women out there, doing fertility treatments, and some not, that are using acupuncture, and herbal and other supplementation to try to help. Maybe it would give you a little extra boost during your break from IVF. My RE actually suggested that I take DHEA before my last IVF cycle, although he didn't want me taking anything else during the cycle. (I actually took wheatgrass, COQ10, royal jelly for about 2 months prior to beginning the cycle though.) You could ask the doctor, or maybe just consult with an acupuncturist since you won't be taking fertility meds at the same time.

I might consider also a second opinion, if you haven't gotten one yet. It surely wouldn't hurt, and doctors have different backgrounds, etc. Maybe there is someone out there who can give you more options.

I wish I knew the right things to say to make you feel better. But know I am thinking of you and praying for you.


DancingNancy's picture
Joined: 08/30/11
Posts: 520

Thanks Kara! The dr is using the fact that they are getting progressively less eggs (but better quality still not the best though) with each cycle. That coupled with my AMH (0.87ish) have him believing that the DOR is worsening. Apparently women who are overweight are less likely to conceive w/ IVF. His thinking is that the weight is a variable we can control so why not try it. The lap band suggestion was due to time and not the amount of weight that needs to be lost (less than 60 lbs). I have considered acupunture but not sure about cost. At this point, we are going through our savings faster than we can put $ back in. We'll see. Thanks again for the support. Once the shock wears off, I'm sure I'll start looking into things.

meggyrn's picture
Joined: 02/16/09
Posts: 2263

I'm sorry that you had a rough appt and that you feel so bad. I don't think IF is your fault or anyone else's. I wish I could place blame on it, then it would explain why couples have to suffer so much. I do know of women who have lost weight and have gotten pregnant easier so I understand that. I think a break is a good thing for you and DH so you can get back on track and lose the wt that you want to lose. :bigarmhug:

CamelNoodle's picture
Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 908

:lurk: ((hugs))

There are a lot of women that are overweight, even obese women that conceive, so don't be taking all the blame/guilt for this. That being said, I think getting healthier is never a bad thing when trying to get pregnant.

I think you made the right choice to avoid the lap band and do your weight loss the old fashioned way. I know that the lap band is fast, but since you don't have a excessive amount of weight, it's not for you. It's hard to be a healthy eater with a lap band. Fiber and protein cause issues.

Just think of this as your other full time job. Think of how they lose weight on The Biggest Loser and other shows. You have a great incentive, getting pregnant. :goodluck: You can do this!

Joined: 04/21/08
Posts: 1063

Jenni -
Firstly, if you are going to use donor eggs, then what is the big freakin hurry. I know you are not planning to now, but my point is you can take care of yourself and see how the chips fall.

Secondly, is the doctor you are seeing really that good that he thinks nobody would have any alternative ideas on how to treat you?

Thirdly, being at a healthy weight is important. It won't be easier after you have a baby, I assure you. Plus being overweight will put you at more risks during your pregnancy. But I know first hand that the IVF meds themselves take their toll in the weight department. As does the stress from trying to conceive. You do have to work on yourself and I think that it is important that your doctor say something. 50 pounds is a tall order for yourself. I hope you can do it.

-kate-'s picture
Joined: 02/23/12
Posts: 460

I am sorry that the appointment went so rough. IMHO, I think a second opinion is a good idea. It won't hurt, right? I can understand why you don't want to do the lap band, and while you work on the 50, maybe it will give you some much needed time off to relax...well as much as you can. I know it is difficult not to be hard on yourself.. especially when it comes to infertility. Try to stay as positive as you can because this really isn't your fault. It is life and unfortunately the card that was dealt to you. I admire you for your strength and your perseverance in this difficult journey that you have already been through and continue to go through. And I think the same thing....why does this come so easy to so many people, while it is so much harder than others. :bighug:

mom2robbie's picture
Joined: 01/20/07
Posts: 2541

Jenni, I am so sorry that you had such bad news. I am morbidly obese, I eat healthy but don't get enough exercise. I know that my RE said that lower BMI can help with IUI and IVF. I am not a candidate for IVF without donor eggs due to my age. We didn't really want to go that route anyway. IF is hard and you are not to blame. Have you been tested for insulin resistance? I know for me carbs are my issue, I crave them like crazy.

A friend sent me this link How to Get Pregnant | I have been trying to do a low carb diet but with my mom's death that is right out the window. I am an emotional eater so stress is not so good for me.

Good luck hun. Stay around and let us know how you are doing.


dreamchaser's picture
Joined: 01/31/07
Posts: 681

I am so very sorry to hear about your appointment. That was alot to take in at once! I agree with the others, that perhaps a second opinion is a good idea. There are RE's who specialize in helping couples with DOR. There are different protocols that can be used. I also agree with you that the lap band doesn't sound like a reasonable option for you. You can certainly lose 50lbs with some diet changes and added exercise. Taking a break is always good for the soul. Take this time to go over all your options and focus on yourself and you and your husband as a couple. *HUGS* IF is never easy and most definitely not anyones fault! You seem like a very strong and determined woman! Wishing you all the best!

meggyrn's picture
Joined: 02/16/09
Posts: 2263

I completely agree with everyone else and didn't say it before. Go get a 2nd opinion!! I like Tiffany's comment..."Secondly, is the doctor you are seeing really that good that he thinks nobody would have any alternative ideas on how to treat you?"

megeyre's picture
Joined: 10/29/09
Posts: 194

My heart goes out to you Jenni- I'm sorry you are going through this. I second what many already said- I think it's great you and DH are going to go the traditional way to lose the weight rather than the quick fix. My DH is overweight and has been for some time. Over the past 3 months, something has struck a cord, and he has lost 35lb just through good, old fashioned diet and exercise. Not saying it has been easy for him, but totally worth it as he feels so much better physically and mentally. You can do it!

Also- think looking into a second opinion is a good idea. Even as you go on this weight loss journey, wouldn't hurt to hear what another RE says. You're in my T & Ps!!!