Hi everyone, this might be long but I am hoping for some advice and input..
A friend of mine asked me to donate eggs for her. Months ago, I knew nothing about it, and said I would think about it. It sounded really neat at the time. She was so excited that I was considering it. She had underwent chemotherapy, which ceased her egg production and put her through early menopause. The fertility people think she can sustain a pregnancy despite the menopause, and she is on the pill to try and reboot her cycle (which is apparently not working). I was excited at the thought of helping, but really had no idea just how involved this process is, thinking it was simple.
However, over the months I have been talking to many people online who have donated eggs, and every single person said that they would never do it again. It was horrible, they had side effects, some were so sick they could not work, others were unable to have children after the procedure. I didn't realize just how complicated this procedure is. Hormone injections sound terrifying. I can not take the pill due to severe side effects I suffer from the hormones; I know these hormone injections are using different hormones than the pill, but I am concerned that they will have similar side effects. I have tried three different pills and a combination of two, and the Nuva ring, (trying to regulate my period as I suffer from mennorhagia (severely heavy and prolonged periods)), and the side effects were serious and much worse than any mennorhagia. Not to mention, I have a needle phobia. I don't know if I can subject myself to constant hysterics over injections. How many injections does this require over how long of a period of time? And certainly they can't expect me to take the pill to regulate my period, to make it easier for them to time my ovulation etc? When they know I suffer dangerous side effects?
I work at home full time while taking care of my two young children (ages 1 & 3, VERY active kids). I need to be healthy and energetic in order to take care of them and work. I can't afford to take time off work and I can't afford to be too sick or tired to care for my children. I also have a very busy life. I am worried about the time commitment to Dr's appointments interfering with my very busy life. I have kids programs to go to, I take classes with my dogs, I show and breed my dogs as a hobby which requires me to be out of town certain weekends of the month for dog shows, and the breeding is very involved and means I often have to rearrange my schedule to be at the vet for progesterone tests and surgical inseminations. I never leave my girls at home by themselves if they are within a week of their whelping date and I never leave pups alone with mom if I don't have to, so committing to appointments in the next town over is difficult. I understand that the surgery I would need for the egg retrieval is out of town (4-5 hours away). I don't know how I can guarantee that I'll be able to do that, with my plans next year, not to mention we are putting our house up for sale in the spring and I don't know where we will be relocating to or if there will be a clinic in the area where I can have the needed appointments.
I relayed some of this to my friend, and told her that I really don't think I am a good candidate. I didn't realize there was so much to it. My husband said "absolutely not" to the idea once he learned how much work and commitment it appears to be. He is worried about the health effects. He works out of town much of the time, and can not be at home to take care of the kids if I am too sick to do it, and he wouldn't be there to watch the kids while I go to appointments. My friend didn't really want to take no for an answer. She told me she is booking an appointment with a specialist before I say no, because I shouldn't believe everything that everyone says on the internet. That doesn't really ease my mind about the potential side effects; I know enough professionals to know that they will always downplay any potential side effects so that they don't lose business. I would rather believe the people who have gone through it. And even so, it doesn't really make me feel better about skipping out on my own plans and goals for the next year so that I can screw up my mind and body with hormones. I'm also breastfeeding and don't want to stop until my baby is ready. I had hoped to go another year at least. I tried to explain this to my friend as nicely as possible, but she is still making the appointment and wants to start treatments in a few months. I don't want to be pressured into this if I am not a good candidate for it. I feel that she would be better off asking someone else, looking into a donor clinic, or adoption since her chances of sustaining a pregnancy are very low. I wish I had never said I would think about it/look into it, before I knew what it was.
And yes, I am a pushover and easily manipulated into things which is why I am having such a hard time just saying "no."
Advice? No bashing please..