Envy! Child Ment.
+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 9 of 9

Thread: Envy! Child Ment.

  1. #1
    Supporter lovebuggy1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    374

    Default Envy! Child Ment.

    My SIL had her baby this morning. Of course I'm happy for them, but I'm also a little envious. She actually told me that she was sorry and that she knows we've been struggling. I probably hate that more than anything. Don't apologize to me for having a baby. My fertility issues are not your fault....I understand that. But everyone walks on egg shells and gives me sad eyes all the time. Well, anyone who knows what we're going through and there aren't many. Just feeling a little down today and having a lot of negative thoughts. Thanks for listening!
    Steph

    Cycle 1 post surgery-Clomid+Trigger=BFN
    Cycle 2 post surgery-Natural Cycle=BFP!

     BabyFruit Ticker

  2. #2
    Community Host meggyrn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    Iowa
    Posts
    3,930

    Default

    I know how you feel and it's ok to feel that way. Even though I'm at peace with our decision to not TTC anymore it's still hard for me when other's have babies or announce their pregnancies. I think it's something I'll never work through. Preg, child, m/c mentioned...I had a very hard time when BIL announced that him and his wife were pregnant. He made such a huge deal about it and made it a whole production. He knows what we've been through. Maybe not the IVF but he knows we m/c. He'd disown us as family if he knew we did IVF. He is way super Catholic. He is so self-centered anways so it's not a huge surprise. To make it harder they got pregnant within 2 months of getting married. When he told our girls they were like "ok." He went off and pouted because they didn't make a big deal about it. I'm sorry, it's their 13 cousin and they'll never see the child because of living distance. That whole weekend he made little comments about his wife's pregnancy. They sat down to eat breakfast and she was taking her prenatals and he said "what is that you're taking? Oh, it's a vitamin to keep you and the baby healthy." Idk how many "you're eating for two" comments I heard also. It was a very hard, long, unpleasant Easter weekend with him. Sorry I went on about that, but your post brought back those thoughts. She is due to have her baby within the next couple weeks. Oh yeah, I made the comment to them that maybe it will be born on their wedding anniversary or on Halloween and I got "it can't be born on those two days." So....you're going to hold the baby in and cross your legs until the next day if it happen to go in labor either of those days? Again, his selfishness and immaturity.

    Meg-30 DH-42

    2 IUI's-BFN
    IVF #1-cancelled d/t embryos arresting before transfer (3/09)
    IVF #2-BFP 9wks-7/30/09 (6/09)
    IVF #3-BFN (5/10)

  3. #3
    Posting Addict mom2robbie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Edmonton, Alberta
    Posts
    5,822

    Default

    Wow, Meg, your BIL is a jerk!

    Steph, I so understand. Do to age differences for me it is nieces and nephews having babies, I am actually happy that I live so far away from my family so I don't have to deal with them. A couple of my sisters have been rude about my IF but I try my best to ignore them. Right now my oldest sister is mad at me for ttc at my age.

  4. #4
    Mega Poster
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Up North
    Posts
    2,933

    Default

    Oh what a pill! I dont mind being disowned by people like that. I know plenty of women in their fifties who still grieve infertility at times.

    It sounds like your sister was trying to be sweet. People never know what to say. I think it is way worse in the midwest than in Dallas, where many women wait to have kids and thus infertility is common.

  5. #5
    Supporter lovebuggy1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    374

    Default

    That's what makes it hard...she was being sweet...and then here I am feeling jealous and bratty. I just feel like a horrible person. However, I did feel so bad about it that I just had 24 cupcakes sent to their hospital room...hehe. So at least their benefiting from my guilt.

    Meg- Your BIL sounds like a real treat. I have an uncle who is super conservative and would die if he found out we were going to use assistance in getting pregnant. A friend of ours had IVF and got pregnant with triplets...he said "That's what you get for trying to play God." I could have slapped him. People like that make me so angry.
    Steph

    Cycle 1 post surgery-Clomid+Trigger=BFN
    Cycle 2 post surgery-Natural Cycle=BFP!

     BabyFruit Ticker

  6. #6
    Community Host meggyrn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    Iowa
    Posts
    3,930

    Default

    That was very sweet of you to send cupcakes.

    The last baby that was born that was close to me was my cousin's baby. I knew they had problems TTC to I was happy for them. It's hard sometimes to share the joy everyone else has at these happy times.

    Meg-30 DH-42

    2 IUI's-BFN
    IVF #1-cancelled d/t embryos arresting before transfer (3/09)
    IVF #2-BFP 9wks-7/30/09 (6/09)
    IVF #3-BFN (5/10)

  7. #7
    Mega Poster
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Up North
    Posts
    2,933

    Default

    I understand where you are coming from. My sister "accidentally" got pregnant after we had been trying for years. And married for 7. I was mad at her for bringing a child into a very strained relationship, mad at her for not being more careful and mad that she could get pregnant by accident - and we were using timing, etc. with no luck for years.

    One thing I have to say about it now though, is that I am so glad she has a little girl (her second) since we are destined to be a family of boys. It is so fun to shop for her. So... I guess it has worked out. Also, my sister is frazzled with her brood- not something I would wish on anyone!

  8. #8
    Super Poster
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    511

    Default

    Oh my gosh, this is the 3rd time I've tried to post response here! I keep accidently deleting! Ugh. Anyway, sorry you were having a bad day. It's normal to feel sad and frustrated when faced with pregnancies/babies. It doesn't mean you are not happy for them, just sad because you are struggling. I agree with whoever said people don't know what to say. It happened countless times for me, and usually that person was trying hard not to make me feel bad.

    Meg (and Steph) sorry for the comments you've had to endure from your uncles. Clearly they haven't been there. I was raised Catholic and after googling the church's stance on IVF, realized fully that the Catholic church is totally, totally opposed. The wording was pretty harsh when you are a person going through the pain of infertility. I honestly feel pretty ostracized after I made the choice to do IVF and it is one of the main reasons I am probably going to join another denomination. Anyway, I don't think I could have ever shared with my grandparents that we were doing IVF, if they were around, and I definitely am reserved in who I share it with for fear of judgement.

    That is what is great about these boards, people actually understand what you are going through.

    I didn't mean to hijack your thread over that. I hope you are feeling better by now and good luck as you start this part of the TTC journey.

    Kara

  9. #9
    Super Poster -kate-'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    California
    Posts
    463

    Default

    @Kara- wow- I did not know the Catholic church opposed IVF and I'm Catholic. Wow that is incredibly disappointing to say the least... but it doesn't change my plans.

    @Steph- I'm going through the same thing. Everyone seems to walk on egg shells (those that know). It makes me mad at myself, but it doesn't change the jealousy and anger. I totally understand.
    -Kate

    IVF with ICSI #1
    Egg Retrieval- 01/15, 41 eggs. Cycle Cancelled- Severe OHSS.
    6 embryos frozen.

    FET #1
    March 5- 1 did not survive thaw, 2 transferred- BFN

    FET #2- June/July
    3 embryos left.

    Follow My Story HERE!
    www.willwork4baby.wordpress.com

+ Reply to Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
v -->

About Us | Contact Us | Privacy Policy | Sitemap | Terms & Conditions