Hope is gone

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mom2robbie's picture
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Hope is gone

I don't have the "official" word yet but I am expecting to here from the RE's office soon.

Today's u/s showed 2 follies - one 10mm and one 7mm. With having anaphylaxis to the meds I am pretty sure that my dream of having another baby is over. Sean came home from work to bring me home and held me while I cried. I sent him back to work as we can't really afford to have him miss work.

My heart is breaking. The RE that did my u/s said that with my reactions getting more severe daily I can't keep taking the puregon, it is risking my life to continue it.

I will update more once I know but will probably be dropping out of the org while I grieve. Giving up is so much harder then dealing with my past miscarriages.

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Oh Margaret I'm so sorry. Is there any other meds that you can take that don't cause a reaction? DH and I talked long and hard about adoption last night. We're almost 90% sure that we will do that as opposed to IVF. Is that an option for you at all? I'm thinking about you!

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Received the call from the RE. They want to try another med next cycle but are worried about the same. With my age the end is here. I have to come to terms that I will never have another pregnancy. My heart is broken.

We have looked into adoption in the past but was not ready to go that route. The only way to get placed with a newborn (besides private) is to accept a legal risk. Sean was very against foster-to-adopt but recently said if that is the route I want to go then he will accept it.

My Brownie group was cancelled tonight - which is really good as I don't know how I could have survived going.

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:bighug: I'm so sorry Margaret. I'm glad that your RE is willing to try another med for the next cycle. That way you know you've done everything you possibly can to have another bio child. With knowing that you do react to the meds, you can be more aware and ready for a reaction. We will miss you here at preg.org and will continue to think about you. Take time to yourself and with DH. We are here for you when you are ready to come back. Feel free to PM me. Adoption is a hard decision. DH and I talked about and decided it was not for us. It takes a certain special couple to adopt. I hope you are able to make the best decision for you and your family.

mom2robbie's picture
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We are not going to try another med. When AF returns I will be going back on the pill.

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Oh Margaret, my heart breaks for you. Maybe you just need some time to heal and then you can try again. I"m so sorry. :bighug:

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Sometimes to you have to weigh the risks and benefits. With your history of allergic reaction it sounds like the risk of trying another med outweighs the benefit. You have to also think about yourself and your family when doing all of this and it sounds like you are. I know it's not the easiest decision. We are all here for you. :bigarmhug::bigarmhug::bigarmhug:

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My heart breaks for you. I am so truly sorry. I pray for peace and healing for you.

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Margaret - I feel for you. Wish you had had a different outcome.

-Tiffany

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:lurk:

:comfort: I am so so so so sorry. :blueface:

Praying for your emotional healing in this time of grief.

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I'm sorry. it sucks to feel like you are out of options Sad

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So sorry to hear this Margaret. Thinking of you.

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Margaret-
I am so sorry. :cry: I've been away for a bit and so sad to see this when I came back. I don't have any words to comfort you but my heart breaks for you. I can understand how you feel. The grief of realizing that you aren't going to be able to have a child must be overwhelming. I know that my situation consumes my thoughts all day and I can only imagine how you feel. :bigarmhug: If you ever need anyone to vent to....we are always here. :comfort: :bigarmhug:

mom2robbie's picture
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Maybe there is still a little hope Smile And that picture is from last night and we did BD!

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Great looking smiley face! Have fun BDing!

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This made me smile!! Smile I've been reading more and more about natural BFPs even when REs said there was no chance!

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"-kate-" wrote:

This made me smile!! Smile I've been reading more and more about natural BFPs even when REs said there was no chance!

this would not be totally natural but I did O when I regularly do. Just have to wait and see.

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That smiley face made me smile!