Not sure what to do.

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Joined: 03/02/07
Posts: 473
Not sure what to do.

Hi all,
I thought I'd tiptoe on in here. I've been told by two RE's that IVF is my best chance for conceiving. I thought I'd wait it out a good while, but today I was informed that my AMH is low for my age, and if we want to be aggressive, now is the time. Seriously, each time I go see the RE, it is nothing but bad news.

Anyway, I guess my situation is a bit unique, in that I have two naturally conceived children already. We started trying for #3 when #2 was 1 y.o, so apparently havoc took over my body in the meantime, and I have two damaged tubes, scar tissue, from endo.

I switch, literally in the course of minutes, from deciding I want to do IVF, to thinking I am crazy, and I will just have to be content with what I have. What if I have embryo's left over, and we really just want one more child? What about multiples? My husband is really not on board anyway, but I want another so much!

The nurse today, while taking vials and vials of blood from me said, "just pray and you will have your answer". Did anyone else have this deep dilemma, and how did you come to your conclusion, one way or the other?

I know I am fortunate to have the two that I have. I either have to go the extra steps to have another, or come to peace with what I've been given. Hard to give up the dream for a larger family, though, if that's what is comes down to.

I know you have all had struggles, and I appreciate any advice you can give me. I hope the answer, and peace just come to me in my sleep tonight.

meggyrn's picture
Joined: 02/16/09
Posts: 2263
children, m/c mentioned

Sorry you are having such a hard time. I'm glad you came here for our advice and experiences. It is completly normal to feel like a rollar coaster. I do agree with your RE, time is not on your side so you should start treatments if you want to try for another child with your AMH being low. There are so many questions to ask that you may never know the answer to. Here is my story and how I found peace:

When DH and I got married he already had 3 children from a previous marriage of his. Since his first wife had passed away so I adopted his 3 daughters. So yes, I have children and I consider them mine but I wanted the experience of being pregnant, giving birth, etc. We really didn't think much about doing IVF. We did 2 IUI's and 3 IVF cycles w/o success. I did get pregnant my 2nd cycle but m/c at 9wks. After my last unsuccessful cycle we decided to be done and be happy with the good things we had in our lives. I have never felt more at peace with making that decision. It's not like I really had to think about it, I just knew we were done.

IVF is emotionally, physically, mentally and financially draining. I'm not discouraging you in any way from trying if you want to. I just want you to know this going into it. I hope you can find peace and some answers to your questions.

Joined: 03/02/07
Posts: 473

"meggyrn" wrote:

It's not like I really had to think about it, I just knew we were done.

Thank you, meggyrn. I have been hoping a lot that what you said above happens to me. I think I am still suffering from the shock and denial of learning my tubes were damaged, then thinking the surgery would fix them enough, then now starting to realize it didn't, and now the low AMH on top of that.

I appreciate your honesty regarding the IVF process. Our insurance will cover it (I think with a lifetime max), without trying IUI or injectibles first if there is medical need. My RE told me this is definitely medical need, and he would be able to justify going straight to IVF. I know we are so lucky to have that kind of coverage, so that doesn't really have to play into the decision. The physical/emotional side of it is really the barrier for me. And my husband is so accepting of we tried, it's not working out, lets move on with life now with the two we have.

After a few days of thought, I think I will ask for some Clomid or Femara for a cycle or two. The doctor said he would do that to increase the number of chances we have per month, but he really doesn't see increased pregnancy rate in my situation. For me, it might just be the stepping stone I need to either: Let it go and move on with life, or: move onto IVF.

Thank you so much for your response. It is really a good inspiration for me to see how you've found peace with your situation.

meggyrn's picture
Joined: 02/16/09
Posts: 2263

After I went through my failed IVF cycles and decided we were done TTC I had thoughts that I wasted 2 good years of my life and $70000. But I did what I did at the time because I felt it was right. Had I not done all the fertility treatments I did, I'd always wonder if something could've worked. I think it's a good plan to try Clomid or Femara first because then if/when you do move onto IVF, you know you tried. We were told by our RE that our chances of conceiving with IUI was slim to nothing but we still wanted to try because then we'd know we tried all options. There are so many decisions to be made with fertility treatments and we are the only ones who can decide for ourselves. Glad I can be of some help to you. If you have any questions feel free to ask, we are all here for everyone.

mrs.doolittle's picture
Joined: 02/18/08
Posts: 1335

(PG MENT)
I was in a similar position (without any children) a few years ago. I was diagnosed with DOR when I was 33 or 34 (can't remember right now). I have a DSS who is essentially my child (his mother abandoned him when he was a toddler), but my DH and I wanted a child together. Going through infertility treatments was really tough on me emotionally. We tried femara, IUIs, and 2 IVF cycles with no success. Our plan was to save for a donor egg cycle. At the time I had some leftover Follistim from my last IVF cycle. We decided to try an injectable IUI cycle as a last ditch effort even though no one really expected it to work. Fortunately, it did and we were blessed with our son who was born July 2010. We are starting to try for #2 and we've had numerous discussions about how far we'll take it this time. I don't plan on ever going through IVF again. Maybe if I had insurance I would try it again, but I doubt it. When I look at my son I am reminded of how lucky I am to have one beautiful, healthy child and I feel more comfortable with the thought of not getting pregnant again. I think we all have our point of saying "no more" and we all have to figure out exactly where that point lies. I hope you find peace in whatever decision you make soon!

CaityA83's picture
Joined: 05/08/09
Posts: 855

(pg/child ment)

I too was in a similar situation as you in that it was basically time to do IVF... I just didn't feel at peace with it though. We had done 5 iui's w/meds and a few months on just clomid or femara. But when day 1 rolled around and it was time to take the plunge, for whatever reason, I just wasn't ready. I remember calling one of my BFFs who was pregnant from her third IVF and asking her what to do. She told me that I would figure out the right decision and then I would find peace. When I talked to the nurse I told her I just wasn't sure I was ready. She assured me that was fine and said we could do another iui w/ injectables if I wanted. Suddenly a light bulb in my head went off and I had the peace I needed. It just felt right. Turns out I got pregnant that cycle and now have my DS!

Moral of the story - do what you're comfortable with. You'll find the right answer and the peace you need. GL and I hope you get a BFP very soon!!

Joined: 03/02/07
Posts: 473

Thank you to, CaityA83 and mrs.doolittle. It is nice to hear both of your stories.

There is definitely a part of me hoping for a miracle without using IVF. That's how I've spent the last 5-6 months or so, since the first time I was told IVF was the way to go. I just didn't believe him! I just couldn't (and really still can't) accept that I went from tubes just fine, to tubes damaged to the point of IVF in 2 years! With most of that time spent pregnant or nursing! Stupid, nasty, unpredictable endometriosis.

They also can't prove, but say its a good possibility, that my recent early m/c and chemical pg's may have been ectopics that resolved on their own, which is another reason for the IVF recommendation.

But knowing all that, in my heart I know I need to try something else before trying IVF. (and that's if I can get DH on board). Think I'll be trying some type of fertility drug next month. If I get pregnant with an ectopic and lose a tube, they'll recommend IVF, which they are already doing, and i'll be monitored anyway.

Thank you all for the advice.

DancingNancy's picture
Joined: 08/30/11
Posts: 520

No experience or advice but wanted to wish you well. May you find peace in whatever decision you make. KUP.