Thread: Squinter!

My husband did bring that up. And I just can't imagine loving an adopted child any less than our biological child. If/when we adopt we will most likely go international over domestic and would try for an newborn/infant. Raising a child from that small would create a bond even if you didn't actually give birth. IVF for me just seems like this big scary process physically and mentally. Adoption is a big scary process mentally, but without all of the physical ramifications. And there are so many children who need homes....

I was 2.5 years old when my parents first took me in as a foster kid and I was 5.5 years old (and one week before Sean was born) when the adoption was finalized. Mom said I was the easiest as I came potty trained and sleeping through the night, lol!

Child mentioned...I always tease that I got my girls at the best ages...they were all potty trained!

I think the coolest thing about an adoption is what you do for the child/children. Whether it be because of marriage, a foster-to-adopt or international adoption. I think IVF is a more selfish thing to do... but cost-wise, international adoption was much more expensive.

Tiffany

Tiffany - international adoption is insanely expensive. I also know that in Canada it is next to impossible to adopt a newborn internationally.

I know here (I am a part of the Adoption community) that a big part of your home study is how you have dealt with your infertility (of course that only applies if you are infertile). The social workers want to know that you have grieved having a biological child and are not going to resent the birth parents.

When I was adopted there was a big push in our church to adopt. In my Sunday School class there were 10 of us, ALL adopted! One girl moved in and she was the only one not adopted! 1969 must have been a year for a lot of babies born that went into care of some sort.

Originally Posted by mom2robbie

I was 2.5 years old when my parents first took me in as a foster kid and I was 5.5 years old (and one week before Sean was born) when the adoption was finalized. Mom said I was the easiest as I came potty trained and sleeping through the night, lol!

That's how I feel about dogs now. I've raised two puppies and I'm over the puppies are so cute thing. Give me a nice 2 or 3 year old dog that is already trained to go outside. I love my older dogs now....wouldn't want to do the puppy thing again! Child ment....We're starting potty training now and I'm stressed to the max about it. I'm trying to make it fun...but not looking forward to big girl underwear or the inevitable accidents that will follow...hehe.

We've thought about foster care as well. Haven't done much research, but I was told that you could lose the foster child if their parents are deemed ready to care for them again? That would be heartbreaking if you loved the child and had to let them go....

I agree that would be heartbreaking. I am more concerned that with foster care we would get a child that had suffered such horrible abuse that they might abuse our other children. I will be less worried with that as my biological child(ren) grow up. I guess I have decided that if we go that route that it would have to be first and foremost about the child - and we would provide whatever support we can while they are our charge. Even if they don't stay with you forever, it still might make a real positive difference in their life. We hope. The cost for international adoption when we were looking was a minimum of $40k for most countries. There is always domestic infant adoption which is also frought with problems, but we know people who have been successful at that.

A couple weeks ago was "Adoption Saturday" as part of National Adoption Day. 13 families adopted 22 children in Iowa as part of the day. I think one county judge does the adoptions. In the article I read, according to DHS, as of August, 765 kids were legible for adoption in Iowa. The average child waiting to be adopted is 8 years old. It's sad that there are that many children that are waiting for a family in Iowa.

I only know the Canadian system but there are 2 types of adoption from foster care. The first is where parental rights have already been terminated, these are the kids who have been in and out of care and generally have the hardest time being adopted. There is definitely some kind of emotional damage that has happened. I fell into this category even though I was eventually adopted by my foster parents (at a time that foster parents were not allowed to adopt their foster kids). The second type is foster-to-adopt or legal-risk. These are generally newborns apprehended at birth where the parents have already lost custody of previous children. Generally babies are not considered legal risk unless the government is fairly certain the parents rights will be terminated. It can be stressful as there can be visits with the biological family and it can take time - a friend is finally adopting her 3rd legal risk child and the little girl is now 3 (she came home from the hospital to my friend). They actually have a 4th legal-risk baby in their home now. Judges seem to have a hard time terminating parents rights which I can understand but it is not fair for the children to have the process drag on so long.

If we did not already have our first child I would not have been so worried about bringing a child who had been through major trauma into our household... but that mommy instinct to protect the one I have is strong. I have several friends who come from blended families of biological children and adoptees. Their experiences, as expected with any family, are mixed. Anyway, we are keeping our hearts and minds open on this topic. I think there used to be a TLC show on adoption and I thought it was extremely interesting...

I agree with you, Margaret, that these children need stability and giving biological parents 3 years (!) to sort things out is horrible. I understand not wanting to terminate parental rights, but I think they need to do what is best for the kids. If the kids are in a stable, loving family who can provide for them - and has been providing for them - I think taking them out of that situation is more likely to do more harm than good. Children need stability in their lives.

Tiffany