Starting IVF and a question.

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Joined: 03/02/07
Posts: 473
Starting IVF and a question.

Hi everyone,
I just took my first BCP today in prep for IVF in Jan or early Feb. I got a BFN last week after a medicated cycle, and suddenly it became very clear to me that I will not be getting pg on my own or with meds. It just felt like a huge waste of time, and I am so drained with all of my efforts to get pg. I decided we would either have to start IVF, or stop trying altogether. I told my husband I wanted to try IVF, and to my surprise, he said okay! I think he's finally realized how heartbreaking this whole last 1-2 years has been for me. I am so lucky, and grateful he is willing to try.

Anyway, I am really nervous about the whole thing. We probably won't start injections for at least 3 weeks, so it won't be happening for a while yet.

I have a question for anyone who has used IVF/ICSI in the past. Have your doctors used ICSI for all IVF's? I was looking up clinic success rates on the SART website and my clinic uses ICSI almost all the time. I asked the nurse this AM about it and she said they used it all the time because there is a higher success rate. But I thought it was really only used for male infertility. We don't have that problem, and my husband has gotten me pregnant before. When I look online (which can be dangerous, I know!), it looks like there is slightly more risk with ICSI.

Just wondering what everyone thought, and if you were given a choice when you did IVF. I am inclined to do the least invasive thing possible(which is pretty funny to say when you get to the point of IVF).

Thanks for any input you have.

DancingNancy's picture
Joined: 08/30/11
Posts: 520

It seems that you are a couple of days behind me (I just started BCP for an FET). First off, I'm sorry about the BFN. And the long journey that you have had. :bighugs: As for the ICSI, we just did a fresh cycle (BFN) and used ICSI. We are almost 99.9% sure that there is no male factor at play but we were concerned that I wouldn't respond to the meds as well so we wanted to give it the best shot. We were able to wait until a few days before the retrieval to let the clinic know. That way, we could see how I was responding. If that's an option for you, I would suggest it. As cliche as it sounds, it really is a personal decision. I too was concerned about the *slight* increase in risks but everything has risks KWIM? Good luck on whatever decision you make and know that it will be the right one for you and your family.

meggyrn's picture
Joined: 02/16/09
Posts: 2263

Sorry your last cycle didn't work out and you have to move onto the next step. Don't think of everything you've done as a waste of time. You made the best decision you did at the time because you felt it was right. This way you know you tried everything before moving onto IVF. It's normal to be nervous about everything because it is new and there is so much involved in it. That's what we are here for.

As far as ICSI goes we had MFI so had no option. I didn't really think much about it since that was our only shot. Even with ICSI I had 2 eggs fertilize. You could maybe do what Jenni did and see if you can decide once you know how you are responding. If I were to have few eggs retrieved I'd probably want to do ICSI even if MFI wasn't an issue.

Glad DH is on board with IVF Smile

Military Mom's picture
Joined: 09/09/04
Posts: 369

Im sorry I dont have any info for you on ICSI but I just wanted to send you a warm welcome!! I hope that you are able to see success with IVF in your upcoming cycle!!

Mimi83's picture
Joined: 08/04/09
Posts: 185

It seems like we'll be cycle buddies. I will be starting my first IVF cycle end of January beginning of February. I hope that both of us have a successful cycles! Smile

Joined: 03/02/07
Posts: 473

Thank you all. I am just so nervous, it's always on my mind. Then, on the other hand, being on BCP right now, I am enjoying not TTC, and I've totally slacked off my endo diet.

I like the advice about the ICSI, thank you! The doctor never mentioned it, so I don't know whether to assume they will or won't do it. I've only discussed it with the nurse coordinator. I don't want to go against the doctor, if he wants to do it, but I also want to make sure I am making the right choice for us. I know they are clearly going for success rates, which I understand.

I am also nervous about a few other things. I am debating telling my boss the whole truth. I think that would be best, just in case the transfer, etc. falls on workdays (I only work 2 days/week) and also because monitoring is sure to interfere with my work schedule. What is holding me back? I am worried about what she would think about the whole thing. Because I have children already, and because I think she is pretty religious, and I am worried about what she might think ethically about the whole thing. UGH.

I am also going to ask my mom to come and stay for a few days while I'll be on bedrest. I just recently told her about my infertility woes and m/c's, but I am nervous of her reaction when I tell her we are going through with IVF. My family actually expected us to have more children, so maybe they'll understand. I don't think we'll even tell DH's family-they'll surely think I am totally crazy to do this when we already have two.

I really plan on sharing only on an as needed basis, but even for those people, I am anxious of what they might think, even though I know this is our decision alone. Has anyone else had this concern?

Mimi and Jenni, best of luck on your upcoming cycles too!

DancingNancy's picture
Joined: 08/30/11
Posts: 520

We spent much of 2010 "in the dark" as far as letting other people know. We didn't tell DH's parents until almost 10 months into the process and that was only because a situtation came up that we had to. DH is a super private person but I'm an open book so we have found a balance. But there are still people on his side that don't know (including his super-religious aunt so I get what you mean about your boss). We opened up to a lot of people through our blog and I have found that the support has been incredible. And people might surprise you. My suggestion about your mom would be to arm yourself with information and facts. Maybe let her read a passage from a book or a website (Resolve.org is a great one). I'm so sorry that you are having these worries on top of everything else.

meggyrn's picture
Joined: 02/16/09
Posts: 2263

We did things differently for each cycle we went through. My family knew that we were doing IVF and were very supportive of it. We didn't tell DH's family because they are pretty Catholic. After our first cycle we did have to tell them as we were planning DH's great uncle's funeral around ER and ET and everyone was sounding upset because it could only be certain days. One of his brothers we never told because he wouldn't have reacted well to it. I had told a couple close friends that we were doing IVF and that I would provide them info when I felt like I wanted to talk about it and asked them not to ask me any questions. One friend respected that, the other kept asking questions. It really harmed our relationship and we didn't talk for a long time after that. Our 2nd cyle we didn't tell any friends. Just my family knew about it. Our 3rd cycle I was more open about it and told ppl. My DH is also a very private person. My thought in telling ppl is that maybe my story could help someone else going through IF. Also, after I opened up there were a lot more ppl that came to me about their stories of IF.

I would maybe tell your boss because of the concern about needing to take some time off work. You could also tell her you need some time off for medical issues and not tell her why. She shouldn't ask for what and you can reassure her it's nothing life threatening so she doesn't worry. I hope your mom will take the news ok. This is the only way you are able to expand your family so hopefully she'll understand that.

Breen31806's picture
Joined: 09/05/06
Posts: 1172

With our IVF they did ICSI because DHs swimmers were all the wrong size.

Joined: 03/02/07
Posts: 473

So I talked to my (wonderful) mom this morning. She said she can come and stay whenever we need her. I discussed all my worries and everything with her and she was great. She acknowledged how difficult this all is, but gave no judgement whatsoever, only support of whatever decision we make.

I decided I will tell my boss the whole truth. Just not sure when.

Thank you all for sharing your stories. It is helpful to know that these dilemmas are normal for this situation.

mrs.doolittle's picture
Joined: 02/18/08
Posts: 1335

I haven't been over here much, but just read through this thread and wanted to add my experience with ICSI and telling work about IVF. We didn't have any male factor issues, but they used ICSI because we didn't have many eggs. I had five eggs the first cycle and only one fertilized (with ICSI). My second cycle produced seven eggs and two fertilized (ICSI again). I can't remember the cutoff number at my clinic, but they use ICSI if there aren't "many" (maybe the cutoff was five?). Not sure. ICSI does tend to increase the number fertilized though.

Glad to hear that your mom is supportive! It really helps to have a support system in place. My mom didn't know when we were going through IVF cycles (she lives in another part of the country and we don't talk to each other very often), but my MIL knew (and was very supportive). I was a little vague with work and just let my boss know that I had a treatable medical condition that required monitoring for a short period. I let him know that I would not always know dates/times for monitoring until I had results from my appointments. If you're comfortable telling your boss, go for it. I just wasn't really comfortable talking to him about it. I would tell my current boss though.