I don't really know where else to turn because I feel like I can't talk to anyone IRL because I feel terribly guilty. Heck, one of our dear friends is battling cancer and I feel like an absolutely horrible person for even being sad. Logically, I know that I have a great life and that I'm so blessed but I'm still not over it not working. I'm so sad and anxious that it will never happen. And the thought of having to wait at least another 6 weeks to even begin the process again (not to mention the thought of having to do it all over again) is about to drive me up the wall. I used to LOVE Christmas (even last year when we had done our last IUI and it didn't work) but this year, I burst into tears putting up the tree. Since we just dropped almost $25K, money's a little tighter so DH has said NO PRESENTS for either of us (but that hasn't stopped him from buying himself $250 worth of gadgets - I really think it's because he HATES to buy presents of any kind and truthfully he's not the most gracious giver). I know I sound like a spoiled brat but gift-giving (and receiving) is my main "love language" and it feels like since my hope and dream of a baby for Christmas has been taken away that I don't have much else to look forward to. For me, it's all about intent - "I thought of you and wanted you to have this". I guess I'm just feeling a little forgotten by everyone IRL. Their lives have moved on (as they should) but I can't because this journey isn't over yet. It's like they don't know what to say so they just don't say anything (which to me is the worst thing to do). We still have empty arms and nothing to show for it but broken hearts (and lighter wallets). I really truly used to be such a happy and joyful person but I'm not really feeling it right now. Things are SO much better than they were last year (spiritually, emotionally, physically) but I'm so worried that I'm headed for that same "dark pit" that I spent a majority of 2010 in. Thanks for reading.