Tough time
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    Super Poster DancingNancy's Avatar
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    Default Tough time

    Well, my meds came last night and instead of doing a happy dance, I had a major meltdown. All of the anxiety and sadness of the 2 failed cycles came flooding back. What if this cycle doesn't work either? Is it ever going to work? Am I ever going to get to hear a sweet little voice call me "Mommy"? Compounding things a bit is that my co-worker who came back from maternity leave 13 weeks pregnant is talking non-stop about this new baby. Plus, next week they are throwing her a 2nd shower in less than a year. It doesn't help that we have some bad history between us (she acts like she's in high school sometimes and is very clique-ish). And I'm seeing all these people who got pregnant around the time of our first cycle finding out what the gender is and things related to being in the 2nd trimester (my BFF included) and I can't help but wonder what it would have been like. I'm trying so hard to have a positive attitude but it's so hard right now for some reason. I'm just a tired of this whole mess. Thanks for reading. I don't know what else to do because I feel like everyone IRL is getting a little sick of hearing about our futile attempts at being parents.

  2. #2
    Community Host meggyrn's Avatar
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    I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time. All of these feelings are normal. It is so hard to hear about pregnancy, seeing new babies, baby showers when you are having such a hard time getting a pregnant.

    Meg-30 DH-42

    2 IUI's-BFN
    IVF #1-cancelled d/t embryos arresting before transfer (3/09)
    IVF #2-BFP 9wks-7/30/09 (6/09)
    IVF #3-BFN (5/10)

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    Mega Poster mrs.doolittle's Avatar
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    IF is tough. Very tough. I think everyone on here can relate to what you are describing. I honestly don't think anyone who hasn't been through IF can understand how tough it really is. I know there isn't anything I can say to ease your pain, but just know that you aren't alone. I hope you have success soon!

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    Supporter Mimi83's Avatar
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    Oh, Jenni I totally understand you. I have those same feelings all the time. Just yesterday I saw a pregnant woman at the ATM and first thing that came to my mind was "will I ever experience that?" I think my biggest melt down was when my SIL got PG. I mean, here I am, married to this wonderful man for 7 years, have done everything properly (college, job, financial security, house, car, etc.) and nothing. BIL and SIL are married for 2 months, she has no job, they spent almost all of their money on wedding, still living with us until they find a place and she gets PG. Then this past September she calls me freaking out because she missed one of her bcps, and guess what, she is due in May. Life can be so unfair!

    I hope you feel better. I will keep you in my T&Ps
    Me 30 & DH 38 - Married 02/21/2003
    TTC #1 since March 2008
    1st IVF - February/March 2012-Cancelled due to low response
    2nd IVF - March/April-BFN
    Surprise natural BFP on Mother's Day 5/11/2014

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    Mega Poster JKfmAustin's Avatar
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    Jenni, I wish there was something I can say to make to feel better. While I've never been through a cycle of ivf before I can understand the fear. I will be sending lots of positive thoughts your way.

    Ugh! I understand how difficult it is to be around so many pregnant people. I have a similar story to Mimi. Hubby and I have been together for almost 12 years. We did everything right. We waited to get married. We bought a house. Got our finances in order and so on. Well, my BIL (Hubby's brother) got his girlfriend of 2 months pregnant on a drunken new years eve. They had a shotgun wedding and now they have 2 kids that they can barely afford. I had to go to my niece?s birthday party while SIL was very pregnant with #2 just a few days after I miscarried. I constantly have to hear them complain about how they can't afford this and that. Sorry. No sympathy from me. Life's just not very fair sometimes.

    Please know that you can always vent here.
    Jina (30)
    DH (32)


    DS - 1/31/13 - My IVF Miracle and the love of my life!!

    MC 8/24/10 @ 12w
    MC 1/31/11 @ 11w6d
    MC 8/18/11 @ 8w1d - ID Twins!
    CP 12/20/11

  6. #6
    Mega Poster mrs.doolittle's Avatar
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    How are you today, Jenni?

  7. #7
    Super Poster DancingNancy's Avatar
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    A little better today. This morning was a little rough though. I got up and was one exit away from work (I work in the far-eastern part of the county but live in the far-western part and commute about 30mins one way) and realized that I forgot my Lupron shot. I had to go through downtown (traffic hotspot #1) and then back on the highway (hotspot #2). Ran out of gas, got home, gave myself my shot, got gas, and fought the traffic (going the other way - hotspot #3) to get back to work. Total time - 2 hrs!! But I got through it and hopefully this isn't indicative of the way the rest of the day will go. I'm still pretty anxious about this upcoming cycle but I know that there isn't a darn thing I can do about it. I'm just going to try to focus on my breathing and think good thoughts. But thanks for asking! It really does mean a lot. Hope that everyone else is going alright. This whole IF mess is so.not.fun
    ~Jenni~
    http://cvandjen.blogspot.com

    11/11 - 1st Fresh IVF attempt BFN
    02/12 - FET BFN
    04/12 - 2nd Fresh IVF attempt BFP
    4weeks 2 days
    9/12 - 3rd Fresh IVF attempt BFN
    7/13 - 4th Fresh IVF attempt BFP
    8 weeks due to chromosonal issues - A boy, Joseph Samuel

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    Community Host meggyrn's Avatar
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    Oh no, I'm so sorry you had such a bad start to your day. Hopefully everything will get so much better from here.

    Meg-30 DH-42

    2 IUI's-BFN
    IVF #1-cancelled d/t embryos arresting before transfer (3/09)
    IVF #2-BFP 9wks-7/30/09 (6/09)
    IVF #3-BFN (5/10)

  9. #9
    Super Poster DancingNancy's Avatar
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    And I forgot my shot again this morning I think I'm just so anxious about this cycle that I'm blocking it out. It is the craziest thing!!
    ~Jenni~
    http://cvandjen.blogspot.com

    11/11 - 1st Fresh IVF attempt BFN
    02/12 - FET BFN
    04/12 - 2nd Fresh IVF attempt BFP
    4weeks 2 days
    9/12 - 3rd Fresh IVF attempt BFN
    7/13 - 4th Fresh IVF attempt BFP
    8 weeks due to chromosonal issues - A boy, Joseph Samuel

  10. #10
    Community Host meggyrn's Avatar
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    Are you able to set an alarm on your phone to remember?

    Meg-30 DH-42

    2 IUI's-BFN
    IVF #1-cancelled d/t embryos arresting before transfer (3/09)
    IVF #2-BFP 9wks-7/30/09 (6/09)
    IVF #3-BFN (5/10)

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