Tough time

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DancingNancy's picture
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Tough time

Well, my meds came last night and instead of doing a happy dance, I had a major meltdown. All of the anxiety and sadness of the 2 failed cycles came flooding back. What if this cycle doesn't work either? Is it ever going to work? Am I ever going to get to hear a sweet little voice call me "Mommy"? Compounding things a bit is that my co-worker who came back from maternity leave 13 weeks pregnant is talking non-stop about this new baby. Plus, next week they are throwing her a 2nd shower in less than a year. It doesn't help that we have some bad history between us (she acts like she's in high school sometimes and is very clique-ish). And I'm seeing all these people who got pregnant around the time of our first cycle finding out what the gender is and things related to being in the 2nd trimester (my BFF included) and I can't help but wonder what it would have been like. I'm trying so hard to have a positive attitude but it's so hard right now for some reason. I'm just a tired of this whole mess. Thanks for reading. I don't know what else to do because I feel like everyone IRL is getting a little sick of hearing about our futile attempts at being parents. Sad

meggyrn's picture
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I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time. All of these feelings are normal. It is so hard to hear about pregnancy, seeing new babies, baby showers when you are having such a hard time getting a pregnant. :bigarmhug:

mrs.doolittle's picture
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:bigarmhug: IF is tough. Very tough. I think everyone on here can relate to what you are describing. I honestly don't think anyone who hasn't been through IF can understand how tough it really is. I know there isn't anything I can say to ease your pain, but just know that you aren't alone. I hope you have success soon!

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:bigarmhug: Oh, Jenni I totally understand you. I have those same feelings all the time. Just yesterday I saw a pregnant woman at the ATM and first thing that came to my mind was "will I ever experience that?" I think my biggest melt down was when my SIL got PG. I mean, here I am, married to this wonderful man for 7 years, have done everything properly (college, job, financial security, house, car, etc.) and nothing. BIL and SIL are married for 2 months, she has no job, they spent almost all of their money on wedding, still living with us until they find a place and she gets PG. Then this past September she calls me freaking out because she missed one of her bcps, and guess what, she is due in May. Life can be so unfair!

I hope you feel better. I will keep you in my T&Ps :bigarmhug:

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:bigarmhug:

Jenni, I wish there was something I can say to make to feel better. While I've never been through a cycle of ivf before I can understand the fear. I will be sending lots of positive thoughts your way.

Ugh! I understand how difficult it is to be around so many pregnant people. I have a similar story to Mimi. Hubby and I have been together for almost 12 years. We did everything right. We waited to get married. We bought a house. Got our finances in order and so on. Well, my BIL (Hubby's brother) got his girlfriend of 2 months pregnant on a drunken new years eve. They had a shotgun wedding and now they have 2 kids that they can barely afford. I had to go to my niece?s birthday party while SIL was very pregnant with #2 just a few days after I miscarried. I constantly have to hear them complain about how they can't afford this and that. Sorry. No sympathy from me. Life's just not very fair sometimes. Sad

:bigarmhug: Please know that you can always vent here.

mrs.doolittle's picture
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How are you today, Jenni?

DancingNancy's picture
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A little better today. This morning was a little rough though. I got up and was one exit away from work (I work in the far-eastern part of the county but live in the far-western part and commute about 30mins one way) and realized that I forgot my Lupron shot. I had to go through downtown (traffic hotspot #1) and then back on the highway (hotspot #2). Ran out of gas, got home, gave myself my shot, got gas, and fought the traffic (going the other way - hotspot #3) to get back to work. Total time - 2 hrs!! But I got through it and hopefully this isn't indicative of the way the rest of the day will go. I'm still pretty anxious about this upcoming cycle but I know that there isn't a darn thing I can do about it. I'm just going to try to focus on my breathing and think good thoughts. But thanks for asking! It really does mean a lot. Hope that everyone else is going alright. This whole IF mess is so.not.fun Sad

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:bighug: Oh no, I'm so sorry you had such a bad start to your day. Hopefully everything will get so much better from here.

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And I forgot my shot again this morning :rolleyes: I think I'm just so anxious about this cycle that I'm blocking it out. It is the craziest thing!!

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Are you able to set an alarm on your phone to remember?

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:bigarmhug: sorry your feeling this way Sad i hope you find comfort that a lot of people have a hard time conceiving me included so we have to learn to take it one day at a time ... And when our turn comes we will be so appreciative that we have had our moment that these feelings your feeling now will be alllll worth it in the end . So if you have to cry then do it just know we are all here