Broke Up and Now Pregnant
QUESTION
Dear Relationship Expert,
My fiance left me on Thursday and I found out that I a pregnant on Friday morning. He will not have anything to do with me at all. He will not call write or answer his phone even at work. I have been depressed -- not eating, not drinking not sleeping....I just want him to recognize his baby and call and let me know that everything is going to be okay and that he will be there for me. I even have a doctors appointment today and he will not come. What do I do?
ANSWER
Hello, He probably doesn't believe that there is a baby considering the timing and if he broke up with you he probably doesn't even want to hear about the baby right now.
Your best bet is to go to the doctor alone, or better yet with a supportive friend, and get some proof that there is a baby. Wait a bit. and then contact him in writing. I would get to counseling because it is very unlikely that you will get a response from him right now and you need to get some support to face this reality before you do anything else. A healthy happy mom is important to the baby's well-being.
Do you have any friends or family you feel safe talking to? You don't say how old you or your fiancé are or where you are in your schooling or careers and that may affect things. Also even if your fiancé, comes back you and the baby will need emotional support anyway so focus on finding your best choice/s for that right now.
Hope that helps,
-- Carol
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Carol Lindquist
Carol Ummel-Lindquist, author of Happily Married with Kids: It's Not Just a Fairy Tale, received a Masters and Ph.D. degree in clinical psychology at the University of Illinois and completed a pre-doctoral clinical internship at the University Psychological and Counseling Services in Champaign-Urbana. She is a board-certified clinical psychologist and a Professor Emerita of psychology at California State Fullerton, where she has trained other marital therapists for more than twenty years.
She is probably most well known for working with high conflict and violent couples and treatment of trauma. While she is pro marriage and doesn't advise clients to get a divorce, she has worked with couples choosing to come to therapy to work on establishing good divorces for themselves and their children. Carol is well versed in the areas of adoption and infertility; she has a wide background in parenting issues as well and enjoy counseling people in these areas.
Dr. Lindquist retired from California State University Fullerton to devote her time to private practice, workshops for couples with children and completing a book "Happily Married With Children", published by Berkley Press. She lives with her husband and two sons in Laguna Beach, California.
