Husband Doesn't Want Baby

QUESTION

Dear Relationship Expert,
I am in my 8th week. My husband and I recently married and we have always discussed having children together. He was excited about the idea of having them...until now.

He is under a lot of stress and doesn't know how to handle things. He is now depressed. I don't know how to deal with this situation, as I have no support on this pregnancy. He never wants to talk about it.

I don't know if this is more added stress but, he has yelled and screamed telling me that he does not want this child. It is very hurtful to hear such things and I keep telling myself that it is not my husband that is saying such words.

I am in the midst of seeking help for him and myself -- some type of counseling but I think that he must battle his depression first. I just wish that I could have the man back that I married, who would've loved me being pregnant with his child. Do you have any suggestions?

Wanda

ANSWER

Dear Wanda,
Do not wait for depression to clear before seeking help. Your husband may need medical attention and a counselor can advise you. You should see improvement after 2 weeks of counseling. If not the AMA and APA treatment protocols recommend biological treatment.

In America this is usually antidepressants. A psychiatrist can advise you. In Europe it is Sam-e or some thing of that type. A naturopath could advise you.

Depression is triggered by stress and causes irritability. It is often genetically inherited and it is best you learn more about it as soon as possible. Don't hesitate to get help soon. Hope this helps.
-- Carol

Carol Lindquist

Carol Ummel-Lindquist, author of Happily Married with Kids: It's Not Just a Fairy Tale, received a Masters and Ph.D. degree in clinical psychology at the University of Illinois and completed a pre-doctoral clinical internship at the University Psychological and Counseling Services in Champaign-Urbana. She is a board-certified clinical psychologist and a Professor Emerita of psychology at California State Fullerton, where she has trained other marital therapists for more than twenty years.

Dr. Lindquist retired from California State University Fullerton to devote her time to private practice, workshops for couples with children and completing a book "Happily Married With Children", published by Berkley Press. She lives with her husband and two sons in Laguna Beach, California.