I'm Ashamed

QUESTION

Dear Midwife,
Ok here is the deal, I am having so many crazy emotions.

I am a mom of three amazing boys, and have recently discovered that at 30 I am pregnant with a fourth, the emotions come when I start thinking about the sex of the new baby. I get angry at the thought of this baby being a boy. I feel horrible when I have those thoughts but I can't help it.

I so desperately want a daughter, my question is. Are these feelings normal or am I an absolutely horrible pregnant woman and will they change if it's a boy when he is born? I don't have thoughts of harming or neglecting the new baby I just get really angry at my hubby of 11 1/2 years.

Please Help.

ANSWER

Well, for what it's worth, statistically your chances of having a girl go up the older you get and the more children you have. I can certainly understand wanting to have at least one daughter, that's a pretty normal thing. But getting as angry as you are describing, especially at your husband (didn't it take two?), may not be normal.

I'd suggest a visit or two with a good therapist just to check it out before this baby is born. That would be a favor to everyone involved. It sounds like you are doing a great job with your boys so far, and we do want to keep it that way!

-- Cynthia, CNM

Cynthia Flynn

Cynthia Flynn, CNM. PhD, is the General Director of the Family Health and Birth Center which provides prenatal, birth, postnatal, gynecological and primary health care to underserved women and their families in Washington, D.C. Recently Cynthia served as Associate Professor of Nursing at Seattle University. There she not only taught, but remained in full scope clinical midwifery practice at Valley Medical Center where she cared for pregnant and birthing women, and practices well-woman gynecology, family planning, and treatment of sexually transmitted diseases.

Cynthia founded Columbia Women's Clinic and Birth Center, where she took care of pregnant women and infants up to two weeks of age and attended both birth center and hospital births. Before Cynthia earned her CNM, she worked as a registered nurse in labor and delivery and postpartum and is a certified Doula and Doula trainer.