Lubricants and Trying to Conceive

Cathy Winks and Anne Semans's picture


Dear Sexperts,
My wife and I are trying to conceive. She doesn't lubricate naturally from foreplay such as touching her vagina or sucking her nipples. We even watch porn together. I have to perform oral sex to her which she enjoys very much.

The problem is that we cannot use saliva because germs in the saliva can kill the sperms. We also cannot use KY lubricant since it also kills the sperms. We used baby oil (it was suggested in a book) as lubricant. We do not feel anything when we have intercourse because the baby oil is so slippery. What can we do?

My wife lies down on the pillow for 15 minutes after the intercourse. Then she washes her vagina with soap. Is this going to kill the sperms since she rubs (washes) her vagina with soap? I mean will the rubbing and/or soap kills the sperm?


First off, congratulations on keeping your sex life creative. Too many couples who are trying to conceive forget to have fun along the way to baby-making.

Plenty of women just don't produce as much vaginal lubrication as they need to make penetration pleasurable -- even when they're aroused. It's perfectly normal for your wife to be in this category.

Unless you have particularly low sperm counts and your doctor has advised you not to use any lubricant, you should be able to use a mild lube as long as it contains no spermicide ingredients (such as nonoxynol-9). Just put most of the lube on the shaft of your penis, rather than the head.

Avoid oils; it's difficult to wash oil out of the vagina, and mineral oil in particular can create an environment that promotes yeast infections.

It's true that saliva contains bacteria that could contaminate an ejaculate, but if you go down on your wife before penetration, I doubt there would be enough saliva on the head of your penis to interfere with conception.

However, your wife should definitely stop washing her genitals with soap after intercourse. Soap can kill sperm. No woman who is trying to conceive should ever douche after intercourse, either.

Good luck!

-- Cathy and Anne
The Sex Expert Team


This is a really good question & answer. Many people use baby oil or saliva as a lubricant prior to baby making and are not aware that this could interfer with conception.

It is important to keep the fun sensual element during baby making and in fact some studies have suggested that this may in itself increase the chances of conception. Using a lubricant that is not detrimental to sperm and does not create a barrier to sperm can greatly enhance the love making experience for both partners.

There are now a range of sperm safe lubricants that are available, that have been developed specifically for couples trying to conceive, so you can keep the fun in trying to conceive without impeding your chances.

Good luck with the baby making

Kind regards
Access Diagnostics Fertility