My wife and I are trying to conceive. She doesn't lubricate naturally from foreplay such as touching her vagina or sucking her nipples. We even watch porn together. I have to perform oral sex to her which she enjoys very much.
The problem is that we cannot use saliva because germs in the saliva can kill the sperms. We also cannot use KY lubricant since it also kills the sperms. We used baby oil (it was suggested in a book) as lubricant. We do not feel anything when we have intercourse because the baby oil is so slippery. What can we do?
My wife lies down on the pillow for 15 minutes after the intercourse. Then she washes her vagina with soap. Is this going to kill the sperms since she rubs (washes) her vagina with soap? I mean will the rubbing and/or soap kills the sperm?
First off, congratulations on keeping your sex life creative. Too many couples who are trying to conceive forget to have fun along the way to baby-making.
Plenty of women just don't produce as much vaginal lubrication as they need to make penetration pleasurable -- even when they're aroused. It's perfectly normal for your wife to be in this category.
Unless you have particularly low sperm counts and your doctor has advised you not to use any lubricant, you should be able to use a mild lube as long as it contains no spermicide ingredients (such as nonoxynol-9). Just put most of the lube on the shaft of your penis, rather than the head.
Avoid oils; it's difficult to wash oil out of the vagina, and mineral oil in particular can create an environment that promotes yeast infections.
It's true that saliva contains bacteria that could contaminate an ejaculate, but if you go down on your wife before penetration, I doubt there would be enough saliva on the head of your penis to interfere with conception.
However, your wife should definitely stop washing her genitals with soap after intercourse. Soap can kill sperm. No woman who is trying to conceive should ever douche after intercourse, either.
-- Cathy and Anne
The Sex Expert Team
Cathy Winks and Anne Semans have been passionate advocates of sex education for over 15 years. As authors of the bestselling The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex and Sexy Mamas: Keeping Your Sex Life Alive While Raising Kids, they continue to spread their philosophy that everyone is entitled to a happy and healthy sex life.
Anne wrote the online "Sex and Parenting" column for the popular magazine Hip Mama and is the Marketing Manager at the women-owned toy store, Toys and Babeland. She is the mother of two girls.
Cathy is a health educator at The Sperm Bank of California, providing information and support to women and men who are building families through donor insemination. She lives with her partner, Becky, and their son.