Reclaiming Desire

QUESTION

Dear Sexperts,
Why do so many mothers lose desire, and how can they reclaim it?

ANSWER

Cathy: Hormonal changes have a huge impact on a biological mother's libido, which can definitely depress her sex drive. But biological moms aren't the only ones to suffer a dip in desire when caring for an infant -- fatigue, sleep deprivation, and changing priorities push most parents' sex lives onto the back burner for the first two years of their child's life.

We suggest mothers reclaim desire by indulging in simple pleasures that will help them reconnect with their sexuality (masturbation, fantasy, playing with sex toys, getting a massage) -- if you take the focus off, "I should have sex to please my partner" and shift it to, "what would make me feel good in my own body right now?" you're more likely to give your libido a successful jumpstart.

-- Cathy and Anne
The Sex Expert Team

Cathy and Anne

Cathy Winks and Anne Semans have been passionate advocates of sex education for over 15 years. As authors of the bestselling The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex and Sexy Mamas: Keeping Your Sex Life Alive While Raising Kids, they continue to spread their philosophy that everyone is entitled to a happy and healthy sex life.

Anne wrote the online "Sex and Parenting" column for the popular magazine Hip Mama and is the Marketing Manager at the women-owned toy store, Toys and Babeland. She is the mother of two girls.

Cathy is a health educator at The Sperm Bank of California, providing information and support to women and men who are building families through donor insemination. She lives with her partner, Becky, and their son.