Scared of Infertility

Cynthia Flynn's picture


Dear Midwife,
I am going on twenty years old this year. I dated a guy from for four years; from the age of barely fourteen to just before I turned eighteen. The first six months we did not use protection (I know it was foolish and risky) but I luckily at the time never became pregnant.

I then started birth control and was on it for almost a full two years until I hit summer time, and in all the confusion of several out-of-town vacations, forgot my birth control at home and ended up missing several pills. I wasn't worried about it because I had missed my birth control several times before with no problems, but I ended up pregnant.

As wrong as I believe it is, because so many healthy anxious young couples can't have their own children, I had an abortion; this is something I regret every day of my life and have nightmares about almost every night even though it is years later.

Anyway, I am with someone who I truly love and hope to spend the rest of my life with, and he returns the feelings. But I am scared, because it has now been 2 1/2 years since I last became pregnant.

I know all about fertility and timing during monthly cycles because after my abortion I decided to become a midwife, but despite the fact I have had unprotected sex at all times of the month (including around the days I should be most fertile) I have not become pregnant well after two years.

My menstrual cycle is not general the standard 4-5 weeks, more like every 5 1/2- 7 weeks, although I have no idea why because I used to have a more average cycle length. I also don't believe it is the male's position in my case, because I have had sex unprotected with a total of three guys since my last pregnancy at all times of my monthly cycle, including the one who originally got me pregnant.

Am I worrying for no reason and over reacting possibly because I am finally ready for kids and it hasn't happened despite the odds for years? Or is this really something that is probably wrong with me because it doesn't seem like I could possibly NOT have gotten pregnant in the past 2 1/2 years unless something is wrong with me?


If you have been actively trying for more than 12 cycles, it is time for both of you to get a check-up.

It will be helpful if you have charted your cycles and can bring your charts with you to your appointment.

-- Cynthia, CNM. PhD.

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