I fell in the shower around 9 weeka of pregnancy. My OB wanted to make sure everything was okay so she ordered an ultrasound. My HCG levels were perfect, but there was not detectable fetus.
There are so many words of encouragement to all the mothers who have lost a baby but what about the fathers? Is it not half theirs too? What do they get, make sure you take up some of the chores and don't get too freaked out if she bursts into tears. Oh yeah, she may not want to have sex with you because it's a physical reminder to what she lost.
I had strange dreams right from day 1 post miscarriage. The first few dreams I attributed to the drugs they gave me in the hospital to ease the physical pain.
Two weeks past the event. I have accepted the reality of the miscarriage but I didn't think I'd still be dealing with the physical aspect of it. How can I go on to the next part of my grief and loss while I'm still suffering the bleeding and other side effects of it all.
Sigh, I'm so frustrated with ttc though I know I shouldn't be. We've only been ttc for 5 months now and I'm already frustrated. I realize theres couples that have been ttc for years without any luck and I suppose I wouldnt be as frustrated if I didn't get pregnant almost instantly the first time. I got pregnant within 2 months of ttc, mind you I was on bc for 7 years (including 4 cycles of depo--which i stopped as soon as i was informed of the effects, living two hours away from my SO, and only actually "trying" 4 times!), it ended in a m/c and I haven't been able to get pregnant since.
So I find myself wondering how many years will pass, before the anniversary date of losing the baby will not shock me. By now she'd be five, and looking forward to her fifth birthday...
I'm learning how to define myself as a mother now. It's no longer the innocent cheery version, that you find in the Sears catalogue, but it's also not the life of someone who 'mis-handled' their pregnancy.
I wish very much that you could understand -- understand my loss and grief, my silence and my tears, my void and my pain. BUT...I pray daily that you will never understand.
Dear Ms Ultrasound,
When women experience the loss of a child, one of the first things they discover they have in common is a list of things they wish no one had ever said to them.
Dear Ms Ultrasound,
Hello. I am dreadfully worried. 2 weeks ago today, I was sent in by my doctor for an ultrasound to determine heartbeat of my baby. I was about 11 weeks pregnant and the previous evening my doctor couldn't pick up the baby's heartbeat on the hand held ultrasound in his office.