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Trying to Conceive
Well... I was just on here yesterday, spilling my guts. I decided to stop off at Rite Aid and buy some more pregnancy tests since my last one didn't get me a result. I took it - not pregnant. I was completely not ready for the swarm of emotions hitting me when I saw that. I started to cry immediately, then hate everyone, then get angry. All these other people get pregnant immediately following a chemical pregnancy, WHY haven't I? For that matter, why did I have a chemical pregnancy anyway, when everyone around me is pregnant? Why is this so hard for me?
Well.. my boyfriend and I have been TTC this month following my chemical pregnancy. I have never tracked my ovulation, but I'm pretty regular with AF and she hasn't showed up yet. Two days ago I was extremely sad - for no reason - so I assumed she'd be here by now. My emotions always go nuts right before I start. When I google things about chemical pregnancies (something I spend way too much time doing), most people return to their cycle just like they had had a "period" with their chemical. If I tracked mine that way, I should have started last week.
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My hus and I decided to start TTC early this year. Went off BC after 2 years and started to suffer from post pill amenohrrea. I have never had any issues with PCOS and all labs came back normal. After 3 months and no AF went to GYN. Was prescribed provera which induced AF. We waited for O but was unsuccessful after 26 days so made an appointment for clomid. We ended up getting O the day (cd28) I filled my prescription so I did not take it. Two weeks later had a light period and then no O the next month.
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Ok so I'm not 15 dpo and I'm 2 day's late. But I'm still getting negative pregnancy test. I'm new to trying part but my period is never late. The only two times in my life that it's been late I've been pregnant. I don't know what to think. I'm stressin big time because we only have a limited amout of time before deployment. Plus my birthday is in two weeks and I wanna know before then and before my husband goes into predeployment training.... I HATE HATE HATE waiting!
Last night, I started having this really weird pain. It was where cramps usually are, but it was a different pain than cramps. It hurt BAD, but it was a constant ache -not sharp pains or anything like that. I went to the bathroom and ...I think I finally passed my baby. I know this is gross, but I stared at it for a long time. It saddens me to think that I could have had a bouncing baby from that...material. I read all this stuff about chemical pregnancies and that it's really nobodies fault, but I feel like I failed.
So, last night .. I went to the bathroom and it seemed like my bleeding was slowing down. Yay! I was excited because I've been bleeding for a week now. I only bleed for 3-4 days on my period, so this has been quite annoying. However, then when I got up this morning, I'm back bleeding and it's a bunch. It's almost a period, still not quite as heavy but definitely heavier than yesterday. I wish this would hurry up. Every time I see the blood I'm reminded of the baby I could have had.